daisylady

I have been here off and on for the past 5+ years. I am still with my addict who is my husband. He has been to impatient rehab twice and outpatient rehab once. We now have a child, a little boy who is three months old. Shortly after our son was born my husband relapsed after a year of being cocaine free. I didn't kick him out at first, he seemed to be willing to try to get back on the wagon. Well, three weeks later he had another cocaine binge and I kicked him out of the house for a week. After meeting with his therapist and her recommending he not be alone I reluctantly let him back in the house. He came home on Friday said he took $60.00 out of our account to pay off his drug dealer and I gave him the benefit of doubt until TODAY! He took more money out of our account and my wallet ($50.00) last night and told me he bought weed with it!! But guess what? He said he flushed the weed down the toilet. R u kidding me?!? If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, looks like duck-probably a duck right??? After 5 years dealing with addiction does he really expect me to believe that story??? So today, his Mom is helping him look for an apartment and has contacted a recovering alcoholic who is willing to take my husband to his AA meeting of choice (there are narcotics users that attend these meetings as well, we live in a small town and it is hard to find NA meetings) and introduce my husband to everyone and help him find a sponsor. My husband has been trying to stay sober without help from the 12 step program because he "doesn't like meetings and they make him feel uncomfortable." Well I hope the uncomfortable feeling that comes with not being at home outweighs the uncomfortable feeling that goes with attending AA.

Even if he does go to meetings and stays sober I don't even know if our marriage will work. I have been through so much and I just don't know if I can risk me and my child being put through anymore. It is just not safe for my son to be in the same house as his father right now.

The reality of addiction just sucks. No guarantees and they have to help themselves. I have to keep saying, didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it.

ahhh! Thanks for reading. Love this site, always here when I need it!

Abundance

(((daisylady)))

Yep- those 3 C's are huge!

I too have found SR to be healing and helpful.

Congratulations on your baby... and for taking the steps to make your home, life, and your child's life one that is addiction free!

I just got out of a 3 year relationship with an addict.... there is much support here, as you know!

outtolunch

You met with his therapist or he told you his therapist said....something here does not ring true.

I assume he's an adult. Perhaps he is disabled? Why else would his mom help him look for an apartment or make arrangements for him to attend AA meets? Why is anyone doing for him what he can do for himself? But, what the heck, that's their deal and, not you.

Of course the 12 Step meetings make him uncomfortable. They are focusing on sobriety and he's not done yet.

Is he employed? Do you need to make child support arrangements until you decide what you want for you and your baby?

IPT

I understand your hurts and frustration. I am trying to extract myself (mentally) from a 4yr relationship and it is not fun. It hurts, but in the end is the right thing to do for me. You need to take care of yourself and your child. Hang in there, you and your child desreve stability and security within your family...(hugs)

Ann

Daisy, I am sorry this continues but am glad to see you back and sharing.

My thoughts are that the safety of your child matters more than anything else.

Please know that I keep you all in my prayers.

Hugs

JMFburns

daisy,

Stay close to SR and find some AlAnon or NarAnon meetings for you.

It does help to post or talk out loud, because as I do it I begin to realize the unmanagability of trying to control my son, believe my son or live my son's life - instead of my own.

Thanks for posting.

daisylady

outtolunch-I met with his therapist with him. he is not disabled, his Mom has always taken care of that stuff for him, and he asked her to help him, so she did. She also arranged the AA meet up for him and he went last night and said it was one of the best meetings he has ever been to and he will probably will be able to get a sponsor if he keeps going back. However, I know that it doesn't matter how much anyone does for him, he has to want to be sober himself. I don't have my hopes up for him to be sober, but I have hope that my life will get better no matter what he chooses. Having my baby was the best thing that ever happened to me. I will fight to the death for him to have a good life and if my addict husband is standing in the way of that, he will be gone.

He is employed, he has been able to keep his job through years and years of his addiction (remarkably). I will file for divorce if he stops giving me money, but he hasn't yet.

We will see what happens, I plan on taking one day at a time and go from there. Thank you all! :praying