Seahunt

I have been praying all nite and morning and need to do something else to get some support right now. My son has been abusing opiates (probably Oxy) for a while. He has been diagnosed with bi-polar. It is such a struggle because he really needs help but I don't want to be an enabler. Last nite he was acting very strange and I caught him leaving the house with my guitar case. I demanded his friend open the trunk so I could see in the case. I found two guns. One was a .22 and the other was an AK-47. I threw him out (he went to his uncle's house). I called his freinds punk a$$ mother $*#&@ and told them to never come back! I'm am praying he did not kill himself last night. No one was home there. I'm not sure what to do. The cops pulled them over and I rejoiced 'cause I thought it was over but they let them go 'cause they had ditched the AK-47 and only had the rifle. His boss said jail is not that great 'cause they learn how to be better criminals there. I'm just sharing because I don't know what else to do...sigh.

imallright

I am sorry for your pain. I am not really sure what to say, but want you to know that you have come to the right place for support. Read the stickies while you wait and soon others will be along to provide support. From one Mom to another... I can only imagine your fear. IMO, you did the right thing in keeping yourself safe. Please be safe. Know that I am keeping you in my thoughts. You might also want to look for nar-anon or alnon meetings in your area.... sounds like face to face support and strength could help too.

liesagain

The problem here goes beyong his drug use ......bi-polar is a serious illness and when psychosis is present its worse.

A bipolar, drug abuser who could possibily be in a psychosis is a really bad combination add the guns and it could be fatal........for him and others.

I am not sure of your state laws but in florida we have laws that can force a person with mental illness when in crisis into treatment.........

I as so sorry your going thru this but glad you found sr. Theres also the mental health page and people on that site have alot of helpful information and insight into bipolar

My son is 18, and became manic then psychotic at 17.........hes been diagnosed as Bipolar. Its not an easy thing to hear as a mom, but its treatable and many of the people on the mental health part of SR can really add to your support.

Best wishes, please stick around

Seahunt

He is really mad. He says the only problem is that I opened his friends trunk to find the guns they were sneaking out of our house. If I hadn't had done that, everything would have been "fine." He is really saying some nasty things and texting some nasty things to my wife. He is trying to get back to our house because he says it is hot and there is no TV, ect at his uncles house. I'm not sure what to do.

suki44883

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. You don't say how old your son is, but if he is not a minor, you do not have to let him come back to your place. There should be rules and boundaries in place at your home if he wishes to live there. Neither you nor your wife should have to put up with verbal abuse or any other kind of abuse from him. He's trying to blame everything on you and that is typical addict behavior. Were these your guns he was taking? If not, where did he get them? An AK-47??? He doesn't have any business with that anyway. I know you love your son, but you might want to think long and hard before you allow him to return to your home.

Seren

Hmmm....guns would be a drop-dead deal breaker for me. Whether or not he is a minor, calling the police is an option. This is a dangerous situation and you have my best hopes and prayers that everything will turn out OK.

Hugs, HG

Seahunt

He is 19 years old. They are not my guns. I don't own any. I agree it's a deal breaker. Problem is, as noted above, I don't know if he is minipulating or psychotic. It's hard to tell the difference. Having bi-polar and coming down off opiates has got be be bad. He is a little calmer. We did deliver some more of his things. I'm trying to balance keeping him calm enough so he doesn't go nuts. He pinned my wife to the ground spitting on her once in the past. It seemed lithium has helped him since then. However, this guns thing is a whole new level. Of course, he was just "holding them" for someone and everything would have been "fine" had I just turned a blind eye. We have a 15 year old daughter living at home. Thanks everyone. It just tough with the not enabling a drug addict while trying to help with the honest illness (bi-polar). They are so intertwined it's hard to seperate them.

suki44883

Yes, I'm sure it is hard, but to be brutally honest, it's not your battle to fight. He is 19 and as such, considered an adult. He has to be the one to say this is BS and I don't want to live like this. In the meantime, if he has been violent and you have a 15 year old daughter to care for, there is no way I would allow him back in my home until he has gotten some help. If he doesn't want to do it, then he'd have to find his own way. I know it's harsh, but you have others to think about. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

wuzzled

Guns in the hands of teenagers is seriously scary! Unfortunately, I know two teenagers that have lost their lives due to the stupidity of gun violence, one being just a few weeks ago, the other about 9 years ago. It is a terrible loss for such young lives to be snuffed out because of guns and stupidity!.

Chino

Was he diagnosed before the addiction?

At one point my 21 year old daughter was diagnosed bipolar but it was after the onset of addiction. She continually rejected the diagnosis and turns out she was right. All of her bipolar symptoms came from the opiates producing way too much dopamine in her brain. When she started to come down the symptoms disappeared. Her original underlying problem was not producing enough dopamine but the drug abuse stormed her brain with it.

SHAMAN

"He is really mad right now. He says the only problem is that I opened his friends trunk to see they guns they were sneaking out of our house. If I hadn't had done that, everything would have been "fine". He is really saying some nasty things and texting some nasty things to my wife. He is trying to get back to our house because he says it is hot and there is no TV, ect at his uncles house. I'm not sure what to do."

I worked with adoloscents as you're describing for several years as a counselor and chemical dependency professional. In addition, my son was smoking enough weed that he appeared psychotic and 'convinced' the professionals he too was bi-polar. The thing I know professionally and, more painfully personally, is that addiction can mimic mental health issues so it becomes difficult to discern the 'truth'. In fact, my son was so convincing that he walked from treatment with a host of legitimate, prescription medications he would later abuse to the point of overdose. Point being, I'm sorry for your pain from one father to another.

I quoted you in order to answer your question because he is demonstrating very clear intent, which makes me believe this is manipulation as opposed to the 'bizzarness' of a psychotic episode. I can recall many instances in my professional and personal life in which, when called to accountability, a 'psychotic' episode emerged. Hell, I worked with kids who had convinced their therapists they had Multiple Personality Disorder in order to hide the 'truth' they were your garden-variety addict. They had 'personalities' with names and everything. A 'true' psychotic or Multiple CAN'T stop because consequences are in lue... their 'oddness' continues in spite of consequences. But your son is angry because it's too hot and there's no TV... sounds like his thinking is 'rational' in that he is concerned about discomfort, not that his thought processes are completely undiscernible.

This is just my opinion, of course, (I am not a doctor, psychologist, or psychiatrist) but I hope it helps. For me, one of the best things I've learned is this:

"If you don't want someone to get your goat... don't show 'em where you tie it up."

Hang in there and trust YOUR instincts, my friend.

Many Blessings,
Shaman

Spiritual Seeker

Another parent here sending support.
Sounds like you did exactly right to stand up and not allow him to live with you.
His behav. is too risky ,dangerous & out of control.

Often we have to detach for awhile until a better time comes around \.

Waterman

A tough situation, for sure. Saying a prayer for you.....

teke

i'm sorry too. i think you did the best thing for you, your family including him. you are allowing him to suffer the consequences for his actions. sounds risky and dangerous, his condition mixed with guns? i understand you don't want to see him in jail, but even if you think its a bad place, i'm sure if he's using, he's used to being around bad places.

sorry to say but i was always relieved when my ah found himself locked up, cause at least i knew where he was and that he was not out some where getting high or getting hurt. i'm praying for you and your family and a special prayer for your son.

BigSis

When my daughter went to inpatient (one of the many times) the counselor told us that in the general population, according to the DSM IV, about 10 percent are diagnosed with bi-polor, depression, ADD, ADHD and similar conditions. The incoming youth into their program, on average, EIGHTY percent were on prescribed meds for one or more of those conditions.

As the counselor told us - it is possible that those with addiction are self-medicating, or perhaps is co-occurs with some of those disorders..... but it was very unlikely to be at the EIGHTY percent range. The more likely scenario is that addiction mimics many of those conditions, and physicians can only diagnose based on symptoms reported.

Something to think about.

At nineteen, he is a legal adult. I was out of the house at 17, bought my first houes at 20. My parents were kind enough to let me row my own boat, though at the time, I thought they were mean.

How about letting him live on his own, figure out his own stuff and fall, if he needs to. He may end up doing some jail time, but if that stuff is going to happen, it will happen. You intervening may only delay the inevitable.

I wish you the best.

hauntedbyjmb

Please be safe. Cut off the phone to him and the texting. He is not going to be able to be reasoned with. He needs to be put where they can help him. I have had to do this with my son and it is the hardest thing you will ever do and the BEST THING for all of you! Good Luck, I am praying for you to stay safe.

MyJoey

SeaHunt,

I just wanted to send you a (((hug))) and support, It is a scary time for you. We love our children so much, and it is hard to know the right way to go. I think finding a support meeting in your area is a good start for the family to learn to deal with your addict son. I agree the guns are way to much and I can totally understand how scared you are, I would have fallen apart. Please keep you and your family safe. Keep posting, keep reading there is tons of support and tons of great recovery stories. Keep the faith one day he will be clean, it just has to be the day of his choice. Let him know you love him (never let him forget that, remind him always), your willing to help with his recovery and want only the best for him. Letting go is the hardest part, but it is only till he is ready to get help. You know right now he is not your son, his actions are not his own let him fall, and we will all be praying with you. (((hugs))) Julie

winnie12

once they start dealing with guns then they have to leave. the last thing you want is someone who is high and has a weapon in your home - throw a little teen angst and anger on top of that and you'll be on national news one day. i've been very thankful that i dont have weapons in my home because i guarantee you my son would have used them on himself or someone else if they were here.

time to be strong for the safety of you and the rest of your household. sorry he's hot but if that's the only consequence he had for what he did then he got off pretty darn easy. dont even begin to believe the bs coming out of his mouth. the problem was not that you found the guns but that they had the guns. now stick to your guns and dont let him back in the house - unless you want it to continue that is.

outtolunch

I watched " Boy Interupted" last night on HBO.

Bi-Polar was characterized as amongst other things, a "judgement disorder."

Like some of the others....I draw the line when it comes to guns. I would have called The Police and let them handle it.

He has demonstrated violent behavior, before. Adolecense, a Bi-Polar diagnosis, narcotics and guns are a deadly combination.

And now he's manipulating you because he's hot and wants to watch TV. What's wrong with this picture.

It's not too late to have a conversation with the Police. Tell them what happened and seek their counsel. You could save a life.

Seahunt

Thank you everyone for your input. I really appreciate it.

Yes, he was diagnosed before the addiction. I saw the depression/bi-polar effects on him first hand. It was awful. I kind of can't blame him for self-medicating with the hurt he was feeling. Depression/bi-polor runs in our family. It took us almost a year to find the right meds (lithium). In that time, I believe the self-medicating became a habit. The thing that makes it so hard is he is so freakin' smart and has so much going for him...but he brings himself down to these losers level he hangs out with. I know I'm preachin' to the choir, but it's SO illogical it makes my head hurt.

Anyway, thanks for all your thoughts. It's a one day at a time thing and I will continue to seek your advice.