lucky949

It seems like every weekend I push it a little more and things get more and more out of control.

When I drink lately I turn obnoxious and rude.

Last night at a concert I got detained and thrown in an enclosure for drunks by security.

They handcuffed me and made me sit against a wall for an hour........then they kicked me out.

It was an embarassment to me and my family.

I have been so out of control for so long I cannot believe I am not dead or locked up. I must be the luckiest person on earth......but I am beginning to think I am due.

I am scared to death of who I have become. I feel like I am standing outside of myself watching myself do a bunch of things that just aren't me.

I don't seem to be able to control myself. Beers always turn into shots. I lose my memory, drive drunk, antagonize people and make an ass out of myself.

I am going to try and stop...see if i can go 30 days. It is nice to have this forum to write on and read other peoples struggles and realize I am not the only one.

I do not want to die, hurt someone, hurt myself or go to jail.............I have t get myself under control.

Wolfchild

Hello and welcome to the Sober Recovery community.
i am glad that you are becoming aware of the harm and
the potential for destruction that active alcoholism causes.
This could be your opportunity to begin a process of change!

Mark75

If you are seeking a life without that mess... a sober, happy, full life... Never forget how you feel right now. Write it down in a journal if you have one... if not, this would be a good time to start one.

Never forgetting how you feel right now doesn't mean you always have to feel this way, you do not... But if you forget, you may find yourself here again, neck deep.

Welcome to SR.

Have you any plans... a program of recovery... you don't have to re-invent the wheel and you are certainly not alone... though you may feel that way now.

Mark

Hevyn

Hi lucky. The good news is, you're not so out of it that you don't see what you're doing to yourself (and others). Most of us have been in similar situations - I never learned until I got 2 DUI's towards the end of my drinking career. It was a wakeup call, but still it took me a few more years to stop all together. What we can handle at 20 we cannot handle at 40. I never understood what was meant by "alcoholism is a progressive disease" until I looked back on the road I'd traveled - then it became very clear.

You can still regain your mental and physical health and have a wonderful life without poisoning yourself. There comes a time when it is no longer fun, relaxing, or an escape. It takes awhile to admit that, though - we want to cling to how it once was when we started out. We're in prison and we don't even realize it.

I'm glad you are here, we look forward to hearing how it's going for you.

littlebluedog

Welcome to sr! You'll find a lot of good advice and support here. With the help of these forums and AA I've managed 63 days of sobriety. You're not alone.

TooMuchRum

Welcome,

I've been a similar boat lately. Stick around, there's lots of nice folks and support here.

Dee74

Hi Lucky

I can't say it any better than Hevyn said it really.
You can turn things around - it takes a lot of work - but it's never too late.

I was there too

Welcome to SR!
D

tommyk

Welcome to SR.

You'll find support here.

serenitylpch

Hang in there just take one day at a time

adore79

Hi and welcome

I remember a few months before I got arrested for DUI thinking that surely my luck had run out and that the rules of chance were not in my favor anymore. Luckily, I was busted without hurting or killing anyone. Please don't drive drunk.

lucky949

It is so nice to read these responses of support. One of my problems I think is that I don't have folks to talk to about this.

I really really need to just talk and rant and not feel so f-ing alone, so this forum seems like a great find..

Thanks to all of you.

four812

and thanks to you lucky...
keep up the good work
you can do this.

Hevyn

Yes, thank you lucky - for your openness & honesty. You never have to feel alone again. Being able to be myself here is what gave me the courage to get well. Seeing that others who were just like me could make it out of hell, helped me see that I could do it too.

Rowan

You certainly are not alone. Welcome to our recovery community, I'm glad you decided to join us. Recovery is possible, no matter what.

Zencat

Recognizing that there is a problem is the first step. Wanting to do something about it is good start...or a step off in the right direction. Glad your here sharing your recovery journey with all of us here at SR.

ANGELINA243

Your post reminded me alot about myself......alot of similarities there. This is a great place for support. Welcome to SR! We understand. You don't have to go through this alone. We do recover.

Freeport

Thank you for coming here. Please take it one day at a time and keep posting. You will find a better life without alcohol. There are many excellent people on these boards who are living proof.

mkmt

I feel exactly the same way. I am sooo due! What is bad is that my ex is in rehab and I have given him so much crap and here I am back doing what I have done before. I was a heavy opiate (never heroine or anything that involved a needle) but about 40 or 50 pills a day 10 years ago. I stopped when I got married and I was too scared of him to do it. I felt so much better but the marriage got worse and he was a heavy drinker, then I started drinking. Then I started doing any kind of pill that made me forget. I left and was ok but started again after I tore my acl, went thru a horrible divorce, my ex turned his back on our son and I lost my job. It is just getting worse. I am scared of how bad it could get but I dont seem to be able to do what needs to be done from day to day without. I feel very out of control, just like you said.

coffeenut

Welcome to SR. There is hope here! I hope you stay.

JFRUIT

Welcome, I have been there done that and aint going back.