Desiree827

Today I have 87 days sober and I am having a problem with my husband telling me that I am doing to many meetings and that I am seeing somebody else BC I am always worrying about getting to meetings plus I do 10 hrs a week of outpatient treatment. The problem is BC he is so thick headed and does not understand why I need AA no matter what I say to him he does not care and I am lying, this is making it very difficult to continue with my recovery and I know I need to for me but I feel like I am up;setting him and I know that I am not doing anything wrong but I can't deal with being accused of things it just adds more stress to my life. Somebody please help me I know I don't want to go back to where I was 88 days ago and I am so scared that I will if I don't continue to get the help that I need.

:praying that this to shall pass

vegibean

Invite him to come with you. I went through the same thing when I tried getting sober while still married. You are certainly not the only person to go through this either.

I just stayed the path (while it lasted).

For me, my marriage was a major, major contributing factor to "if nothing changes, nothing changes", I had to be out of my marriage to be successful. He served me with divorce papers and I'm grateful. That marriage was horrible.

I do hope that you both can find common ground. Good luck to you!

laurie6781

Do you have a sponsor? Discuss this with your sponsor. Invite sponsor over to the house so you two can talk and he can 'see.'

I hate to say this but some of this may be 'subconscious' sabotage on his part. Why? You are changing. He, llike most humans, doesn't deal well with change.

Yes, it is more stress. However, I get the feeling that you REALLY WANT recovery. That comes with a price of 'standing up' to our H's or SO'd and saying "look this is what is keeping me sober right now, I have to do this to save my own life. If you think I am cheating, well ...... that is your problem." and go on to your meetings.

Another thing I found that my sponsor did for me, which I didn't even realize was help me to 'stiffen' my backbone, stand up for myself, and do the next correct thing for me.

If you don't have a sponsor, please get one ASAP.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Pinkcuda

I agree with both answers so far. Alcoholics have a tendency to end up in screwed up relationships. One reason is because we're alcoholic. The second reason is because we end up with the likes of someone that would actually marry an alcoholic. Anyone that would marry an alcoholic is probably insecure to begin with and sees this as a threat.
Either way, he's the one with the problem.
Invite him to go along whenever he wishes or tell him to have dinner ready when you get home.

Desiree827

That is the problem I have asked him to go to meetings with me and he refuses he just doesentwant to meet me half way

TTOSBT

Desiree, if he doesn't want to meet you halfway then you are going to have to stay the path.
This is your life!!!

I do not know your husband, so I don't know why he is not supportive but you know what you have to do to stay on the positive path of sobriety.

My husband does not understand my recovery, but thank goodness he supports it. The first 6 months I felt so guilty for "neglecting" him and the kids by going to meetings, working my steps, meeting my sponsor, etc. But I had a very supportive sponsor. She helped me walk through my fears and supported the fact that I was a better wife and mother to them sober and in recovery that not. I am not telling you it was easy.

but it was SO worth it!! I have a better relationship with my husband than we have ever had and I definitely am a better Mom today Keep working your recovery, you are worth it!!!

Dee74

Hi Desiree

I agree with TTOSBT...you have to stay strong and committed to yr sobriety. Its sad but many here don't get the support or understanding we need from loved ones - thats what makes SR so great.
You're not alone

I'm hoping with you that all this too shall pass.

D

joedris

Ask him whether he'd rather have a drunk wife or a sober wife. That's the only decision he has to make. You need to take care of yourself first, and if he's going to be obstinate about your efforts then he has some serious issues. Getting sober is tough on a marraige and we often find that our spouses will never accept the difficulties we experience in the process. If he chooses be an impediment to you sobriety then it you should take a long, hard look at the future of your relationship. I hope it works out for you.

Anna

There is lots of really good advice here.

It's really hard for others to understand what we are going through. That's one of the reasons that I come here, because people do understand.

matt88

Poor guy probably just wants to spend some time with his wife, and sees you spending a disproportionate amount of time on recovery compared to time on your relationship. Also, non alcoholic people don't understand being in AA, recovery, etc. To them, it's just a simple matter of cutting out the alcohol, and that's it, problem solved no matter how severe - which is true to some degree, but a simplified view. Best of luck in your sobriety and relationship.

Surlyredhead

I went through the same thing...led to a 3 1/2 year relapse. I am no longer married. For me, my sobriety has to come first in my life, before anything, or anyone. Without me being sober, I can not be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister etc. I truly hope your husband comes around and supports you. Good luck, my prayers and thoughts are with you. I know this is a difficult thing to go through. You are not alone.

Cathy

tommyk

Sorry to hear about this problem.

First & foremost - please continue with your program.

Perhaps... try honesty, openmindedness, and willingness in understanding HIS viewpoint, talk it over a lot, but at the same time don't cave in to any demands.

Assertiveness?