IPT

I had a great night last night with friends and then this morning woke up with this HUGE pit in my stomach, worse it’s been. Heartache wondering why she hasn't even called me.... I have not seen or spoke to her (a text or two) in a month now.

For some reason I am really struggling today (guess really most of the month but for some reason especially today), wanting to reach out to her. I miss her in my life, or maybe I just miss the little bit of attention that she used to give me that told me I meant something to her. It feels so lonely and hurtful without it. Especially since I was the last one leaving a message for her to call me so we could talk and at least I could get some closure. It ended where I was sort of reaching back to her after several weeks or her trying to rekindle and me saying “no”. We had been seeing each other once a week then she made plans with me and cancelled last min 2 times by text. The last text was “I am not ignoring you. You hurt me too, I need more time before we talk. Take care of yourself”

I feel like I am the only one hurting, that she is just off in a happy times either stoned or with someone else. Either way she has and is totally ignoring me and my needs. I want that pain to go away, and I know contact would do it (though I also know even if I tried she'd ignore the call). I guess I just need to forge thru it but sucks...

IPT

AH - thanks. You are very insightful and level headed

Though, in life, don't we as humans enter "relationships" to enhance our lives (not complete them, but enhance)? In our down times we should be able to lean on another for support, or support them when they have struggles? There are always going to be ups and downs and having a person there to stand by you makes it a little easier. Isn;t that why we so often are foced to leave relationships with an addict, because they are incapable of providing that healthy interaction to us on a regular basis?

There is no "rule" that one needs to provide answers, or closure to another after a long term relationship, but it does make it easier for the other party to move on when it is done....

teke

first, being a ra myself, if she is active in her addiction, i doubt very seriously that she is off in happy times and without some kind of recovery plan, with or without someone else, addiction is a miserable way to live.

i know its hard and painfull but seems as if you are playing the tape out and thats a good thing. remember, this too shall pass. still praying for you.

IPT

Thanks teke - deep down I probably know it. I just have this vision of her all stoned, drunk maybe, laughing and having a good time even if temporarily.

I know she is a very unhappy person, she has told me that many times. In fact she has told me things that made it hard for me to even fathom how unhappy she really is inside of herself.

I guess we just have this way sometimes of thinking the worst most upsetting senario in our own heads. I find myself doing it about all the times she did not show up. For all I know she really may have been just stoned on a couch with her mother and brother (like she said she was).....and not out partying in the clubs as my mind wonders now.

LiveURLife

Coming from a girl that was in an addictive relationship it is very hard being the one that gets clean.. you feel so many emotions, thoughts, you try to justify the reasoning behind it all... but know this... you wont find it... the best thing i can tell you is move on and try your best to stay clean.... no offence to anyone but your sobrety is #1, not a girl/guy... It took me a very long time to relize that... once you are happy you will find peace with your self... i know it sounds cheesy but it is something that just has to be done...

IPT

Hey Teke -thanks again. I really forgot just how sad she was and how out of control her life is. It made me get back in touch with why this relationship is not working. Why a few Months ago I was the one to step back and say "enough, I am tired of going round and round and ending up in the same spot". I was ina good place then and now I remember why...you reminded me somehow .

Live - thanks...I am actually clean and do not use anything. My addicition if anything is just to this relationship and her. Not sure if that is what you meant I shouyld stay clean from but if so, yes, you're right.