Quse56

I did step 5 on sunday. Since then I have been miserable! Filled with jealousy, self pity, self-righteousness, resentment, fear, judgementalism - all the nasties. I pray and pray for them to go away but I get sucked back in, and I sit in it! I have major family drama brewing which isn't helping things. Do you think that my HP is making CERTAIN that I am ready to remove these things before I do my 6th and 7th steps this weekend?

Ego. Blarg.

Dee74

hope you work your way through it (((Quse)))

D

Wolfchild

Part of what i understand about my Higher Power(God), is that he is caring and loving. He does not force me thru situations and does not organize reality to make me suffer. He is gentle and wise, often helping me in ways that i do not even realize He is the one teaching me how to live. When i went over a Fifth Step with my sponsor, i felt a sense of relief and freedom. It was a time of letting someone else know the secrets i had kept hidden for so long. A sharing of what i knew to be the exact nature of my wrongs brought about an openness to another human being and God that i had denied myself of. It also gave me a sense of belonging because i could see that God did not judge me or refuse to accept me, despite all that i had done. i was able to get in touch with an emotional stability within myself that God had always wanted me to have and cherish. Alot of my mental, confusion about my past was dispelled as i revealed what i had believed about myself. Step Five was a significant turning point in my life and my recovery. It was a defining moment that i realized i never had to go back to that hell i had created ever again.

i hope that you call your sponsor about what you are experiencing and begin to share about it in meetings. Reach out to those around you that have faith in you and truly want the best for you. PM me if you feel the need to, and please keep moving forward. My prayers are that you begin to give yourself a break in ways that you had never thought possible and that the God of your understanding continue to guide you through your recovery.

Freeport

I know nothing about AA steps and very little about you, Quse. I do know that anyone genuinely posting on these boards or working toward positive change in their lives is light years beyond "Character Defect Hell." You're a good person suffering from every individual's nastiest ailment: We're humans and we have flaws. What separates you from someone in Character Defect Hell (and I know way too many people who permanently reside there) is the physical and mental effort you're investing in yourself and other people at SR and other outlets. Thank you for your posts on these boards. You're a good human being. Would you get this down on someone else busting a$$ to become a better person? Didn't think so. So be positive about you and what you've achieved so far. Everyone here at SR is!

Tazman53

Quse as already suggested, call your sponsor, the 6th & 7th steps we knocked out almost immediately after doing the 5th.

Are you ready to have them removed? Well it sounds like it, a couple of things to keep in mind is you need to quit beating yourself up and accept the fact that it is spiritual progress we strive for and not perfection!

Keep in mind also that your HP can move a mountain for you, BUT you need to bring a shovel to do your part! Prayer and faith alone leads to little if anything, it takes ACTION by us to get results, but it also takes time!

Keep in mind that all things will come in time....... not our time, but our HPs time.

Grab that inventory you took and look at each thing you found out about your self, now decide what action or actions you can take to improve.

Take the actions one at a time, be willing to change, do what is needed to change and in a month from now you will see improvement in your self.

One thing I found very difficult to accept was that unlike alcohol which gave me what I sought very quickly when I was still enjoying drinking, self improvement I have found takes time and practice.

I wanted 20 years of sobriety and all of the peace and serenity I saw others with 20 years had in a week or 2!!!! Well looking back I now see how far I have come and it just blows my mind, but in looking at myself today I have a long ways to go in all areas, but I am making progress, in some areas it has come slowly, but in others quickly!

Pray my friend, ask for patience and guidance in the actions you need to take to allow your HP to help you to help him to remove these character defects.

Heck if it just took a simple prayer to sober us up and change us into the better people we are striving to be alcoholism would not be a real problem, we would just say a prayer and it would all be taken care of!

tommyk

Reaffirm your solidity with step #3.

Turn it over, and let it go.

Charmie

hiya quse.i had the same problem when i did my steps 4 and 5! i thought when i found out about the exact nature of my wrongs they would be fixed immedietly,,not so,as i work the steps into my every day life i have a willingness to change, im aware of things that need to be changed and keep plugging away and taking action.this is a lifelong learning process.when i did steps 6 and 7 i really felt 4 and 5 kick in ,a shift.keep praying and action as said before.this is just my experience but sounds very familiar.dont forget you are in very capable hands!

Relief

I agree with Charmian. Regardless of how you currently feel about those defects at this moment, at least you are aware they exist and can now take action (along with your HP) to purge them a day at a time.