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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 3
New to this
Hello. This is my first attempt to gain support from others so I can stop drinking. I've been to one AA meeting before, and it's just not for me, so I thought I should give this a shot. My story:
I started drinking when I was in high-school around 16 yrs. old. My dad died when I was 11. Once he was gone, my much older, alcoholic brother started to take advantage of my mother. Over the years, he would move in and out, due to not having a steady job. I was living a nightmare during my teens. Constant non-sense arguing, yelling, broken windows, walls, doors. Calling the police once a month on him. When i was 20, my mother sold the house and got herself a nice little condo. I found a place with my boyfriend. These past seven years, I have found myself drinking more and more often. At first, I was able to somewhat control it - drinking on the weekends, socially, but still passing out at the end of the night. I got one DUI three years back. That didn't stop me from drinking. Since then, my drinking habits have gotten worse.
I can no longer have one drink and be able to control myself. Once I have a drink, I continue until I pass out. The scary thing is that there is a point where I should pass out, but I don't. My mind goes blank, I'm still awake for many hours, but I have no idea what I was doing, or what happened.
I'll wake up in a bed full of **** and nasty injuries.
Unfortunately, my boyfriend witnesses my freak outs. According to him, when I get to that still awake/passed out mode, I become very violent, verbally abusive, and dangerous to myself and others. I become a totally different person that is the opposite of the sober me.
I am so lucky to still have him stand by my side, but I know he won't forever. I am slowly killing myself, and my relationships with people I care about. I have lost so many friends, lost a lot of respect. I am so tired of drinking. After every incident, I promise myself I won't drink again, and four days later, I think I can just have a couple drinks, and it happens again. This is my second day being sober. The longest I have gone was two weeks. I'm hoping to end this now for real. Open to any suggestions, advice, support. Thanks for your time.
I started drinking when I was in high-school around 16 yrs. old. My dad died when I was 11. Once he was gone, my much older, alcoholic brother started to take advantage of my mother. Over the years, he would move in and out, due to not having a steady job. I was living a nightmare during my teens. Constant non-sense arguing, yelling, broken windows, walls, doors. Calling the police once a month on him. When i was 20, my mother sold the house and got herself a nice little condo. I found a place with my boyfriend. These past seven years, I have found myself drinking more and more often. At first, I was able to somewhat control it - drinking on the weekends, socially, but still passing out at the end of the night. I got one DUI three years back. That didn't stop me from drinking. Since then, my drinking habits have gotten worse.
I can no longer have one drink and be able to control myself. Once I have a drink, I continue until I pass out. The scary thing is that there is a point where I should pass out, but I don't. My mind goes blank, I'm still awake for many hours, but I have no idea what I was doing, or what happened.
I'll wake up in a bed full of **** and nasty injuries.
Unfortunately, my boyfriend witnesses my freak outs. According to him, when I get to that still awake/passed out mode, I become very violent, verbally abusive, and dangerous to myself and others. I become a totally different person that is the opposite of the sober me.
I am so lucky to still have him stand by my side, but I know he won't forever. I am slowly killing myself, and my relationships with people I care about. I have lost so many friends, lost a lot of respect. I am so tired of drinking. After every incident, I promise myself I won't drink again, and four days later, I think I can just have a couple drinks, and it happens again. This is my second day being sober. The longest I have gone was two weeks. I'm hoping to end this now for real. Open to any suggestions, advice, support. Thanks for your time.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,031
Welcome to SR, your story sounds familiar so I'd say you're in the right place for support.
You've made it clear that AA isn't for you. I'm one of those people who can't do it any other way, I need the support of AA for my recovery. My only suggestion is to have a plan for your recovery, some sort of program or someone to reach out to, it's very difficult to do this alone.
You've made it clear that AA isn't for you. I'm one of those people who can't do it any other way, I need the support of AA for my recovery. My only suggestion is to have a plan for your recovery, some sort of program or someone to reach out to, it's very difficult to do this alone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 138
Hi and welcome!
AA works for a lot of people but it isn't for everyone.
It might not hurt to give it a try again.
I don't use AA but sometimes go to speakers meetings.
I use Women For Sobriety new life program and that works better for me than anything I've tried in the past.
I also spend a lot of time reading on SR.
AA works for a lot of people but it isn't for everyone.
It might not hurt to give it a try again.
I don't use AA but sometimes go to speakers meetings.
I use Women For Sobriety new life program and that works better for me than anything I've tried in the past.
I also spend a lot of time reading on SR.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
"I've been to one AA meeting before, and it's just not for me, so I thought I should give this a shot."
AA isn't necessarily for anyone who can quit drinking on their own.
If you find yourself failing time after time in your efforts to quit drinking though...
AA might be exactly for you.
(I went to a movie theater once and I saw a movie I didn't like, so theaters weren't for me. I came to realize the error in my thinking at a later point.
)
AA isn't necessarily for anyone who can quit drinking on their own.
If you find yourself failing time after time in your efforts to quit drinking though...
AA might be exactly for you.
(I went to a movie theater once and I saw a movie I didn't like, so theaters weren't for me. I came to realize the error in my thinking at a later point.
) Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
I always wonder how people can say that after one meeting, they decide that AA isn't for them. Maybe it isn't, but you need a lot more exposure than one meeting to make that decision. I'd suggest that you give it a while if you really want to stop drinking. AA has been around a long time, so it must work.
I'd also suggest that if you weren't enthralled by the people in the meeting you went to, then try another one. Often it's just the people in the room that will turn someone off. I've been in AA a long time, but there are meetings I've been to that I'll never go back to. The success of the program has a lot to do with the chemistry of the group. If you're not comfortable with the messenger, you won't hear the message.
I'd also suggest that if you weren't enthralled by the people in the meeting you went to, then try another one. Often it's just the people in the room that will turn someone off. I've been in AA a long time, but there are meetings I've been to that I'll never go back to. The success of the program has a lot to do with the chemistry of the group. If you're not comfortable with the messenger, you won't hear the message.
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
Welcome, I hope you can find lasting sobriety. If you can do it without AA my hat goes off to you in salute.
I hated and felt very uncomfortable in AA meetings for around a year and a
half.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 249
WELCOME!!!! Your story is all too familiar...hang in there and try not to drink...read the boards, go into chat, do whatever you have to do to stay sober. If AA is not for you seek out some other form of support.
Hope to see more of you on the boards...
~Reb
Hope to see more of you on the boards...
~Reb
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Milton, WI
Posts: 105
Hi Valentine!
Welcome, and yes there are many roads to recovery!
I have made a salad myself with many pieces from here and there to thrive and enjoy my life in sobriety! Take what you need and leave the rest is a saying that has worked very well for me.
Glad you are here, take a seat and strap yourself in! And...get ready for the wildest ride in your life! Breath and just ride it out! It does become fun... if you stay long enough!
Much love and light!~Cheryl
Welcome, and yes there are many roads to recovery!
I have made a salad myself with many pieces from here and there to thrive and enjoy my life in sobriety! Take what you need and leave the rest is a saying that has worked very well for me.
Glad you are here, take a seat and strap yourself in! And...get ready for the wildest ride in your life! Breath and just ride it out! It does become fun... if you stay long enough!
Much love and light!~Cheryl
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: variable....
Posts: 36
hi valentine
sounds quite similar to me... (especially the relationship stuff you went through)
i still have the verdict out on AA personally... i'm sure it's worth a longer shot though.. plus people to talk to
hope you're coping ok
hope to see you around
xtessx
sounds quite similar to me... (especially the relationship stuff you went through)
i still have the verdict out on AA personally... i'm sure it's worth a longer shot though.. plus people to talk to
hope you're coping ok
hope to see you around
xtessx
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Those periods of drinking when you appear concious
but don't recll are blacokouts.
Plese cgeck this link for info....the thread is from the
book that convinced me to quit
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Welcome to our recovery community...
but don't recll are blacokouts.
Plese cgeck this link for info....the thread is from the
book that convinced me to quit
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Welcome to our recovery community...
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