aheadofschedule

I have been married for 20 years. Three kids S14, D12, S9. H has always been verbally abusive. At the beginning of our relationship he was physical as well. Not any more, but I did learn the lesson of not to push him. I have been working on detaching from the verbal abuse for quite a while. His reactions to my detaching from him are mainly childish such as putting trash in my workspace and flipping back the mirror on my van - every day for the past week.
H has always complained of back pain. He had a car accident before we met and occasionally was able to get a few Vicodin from the Dr that treated him.
Ten years ago he had a workers comp injury and has been getting Vicodin from her since then.
Four years ago he found another Dr. to prescribe him hydrocodone. Lorazapam and oxycontin were up next. He gets sleeping pills and antidepressants from this guy as well. As the doses went up he started to go back to the Workers Comp Dr more regularly and get more Vicodin from her. She knows his back way better than the other guy since she has MRIs(xrays?) from the injury 10 years ago and ones from last year. As far as I know she has never prescribed him oxy. She did send him to a back consult and the guy prescribed physical therapy, but he never went.
H refused to let her keep the latest MRIs and has them here at the house. He also kept his entire medical file from our old health care provider that closed and refuses to let another doctor see it.
I think that he tried a third Dr last year, but that must have not gotten him anywhere.
When he first went on the oxy, he stopped drinking, but he is back with that again.
H has that magical thinking going on - he claims that the pills don't affect him the way that they would normal people because he is in pain.
H spends a lot of time sleeping. Lots of time sleeping during the day. Puffy eyes, droopy lids, sweating all the time. He says stuff too that makes no sense too sometimes - just stringing a bunch of words together.
And what I thought was another one of my 'punishments' for not doing what he wanted was him taking cash out of our account which is pretty strapped as it is. What many people have shown me now is that he is probably using the money to buy more pills.
Recently I found something that suggests that he is planning some white collar crime as well.

I have decided to bail on this sinking ship before he takes me and the kids down too. The papers should be ready to go pretty quickly. They include a declaration from me that lists all the drugs that he has gotten from his main Dr in the past 18 months. H had granted me access to his information by linking his account and never took me off. I also have some evidence of prescriptions through the WC Dr. When I told him that I was filing he hid all the bottles and pills away.

I have been afraid over the years to confront him on his drug use. The two times that I did ended with more anger and justifications. This declaration for custody should be a shock for him with all the drug use on it.
I guess I am scared of him getting that declaration. I am doing it regardless. Even if he stopped, he's a entitled bully.

rose

Welcome Aheadofschedule!

I am glad you found us and sorry to hear of your situation. You seem like a very strong lady and doing something about the way you and your children are living. It is a hard road trying to live a normal life with an addict and an abusive one at that.

My hope for you is that you have a safe plan when the papers are all done and he recieves them. An addict with such a history of abuse can be very dangerous.

I myself had to get out of a marriage of almost 20 years as well with two sons. My husband well now my ex-husband was an addict and one that became very violent.

You have found a great place here with tons of support and people going or have gone through the same type of situation as you.

Rose

imallright

Welcome. Be strong. I was married for 23 years before I got strong enough or sick enough to make the decision of "no more". I was scared to death...but did it because I finally realized how sick I had become along with him. Sounds like you have your "ducks in a row"... just stay safe. All the best.

RedTailHawk

Boy have I heard that for the last 20 years! Justifications...he's "special". "It's okay if I am strung out on pills because I have pain!" And the more they take - the more pain they seem to be in...Married for 15 years to an opiate addict and have recently left him. I understand how hard it is to even think about handing those papers to him. I understand your fears. But you are STRONG and WISE.

Please be smart...you can put a plan in place to be safe. You can take things of value or personal meaning and put them somewhere safe. Set up a friends network of support. Find meetings. You don't have to go it alone. Don't stay anywhere where you feel you could be hurt...you know he is a bully with a history of violence...protecting yourself and your children is important.

Glad you found this site. It has been a powerful place for me to get help and work on myself...read all you can and post. Peace.

aheadofschedule

Thanks for the replies. Most people who I talk to don't get how unsettling it is to live with someone who acts so randomly.

I can imagine him standing up in court and telling the judge how the pills don't affect him since he is so special. And telling them how much he needs them.

I did get a storage unit and started moving out personal things a couple of weeks ago.

outtolunch

He's addicted and in denial, despite that he's doctor shopping and likely buying stuff off the street. Many heroin addicts started out on pain pills and came to realize that heroin is a better bang for the buck and often easier to come bye, too.

You are of sound mind and see this for what it is. It's good to hear that you are putting yourself and children, before his addiction.

tjp613

I'm so glad to hear you are taking action! It's a very stressful time but you have to go thru that tunnel to get to the other side. You can do it!! Just take it one day at a time and keep moving forward. Stay close to SoberRecovery -- you have many friends here.

teke

hi, welcome to sr. glad you found us but sorry for the circumstances. i've been married but seperated off and on,23yrs to an busive ah and raised 6+1 kids basically alone, even though at times he was present in body. i've been seperated for almost 2yrs and now living peaceful without all the drama.

sounds like you are well on your way to a better way of living. stay safe and i'll keep you and your family in my prayers