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Flirting with quitting... but not convinced I need to.

Old 07-29-2009, 09:59 AM
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Flirting with quitting... but not convinced I need to.

Hi all,

I'm glad to have found this site, it is just what I've been looking for. Maybe some of you can relate to where I am, and I'll appreciate any input you can give me.

I am an ultra-responsible and engaged wife/mommy/friend/employee. My drinking does not mess up any of that. However, drinking wine is a big part of my social interactions; extended family gatherings mean lots of wine, having friends over for dinner means lots of wine, sometimes Tuesday evening means lots of wine. I don't "crave" alcohol and can go days, weeks, or however long without it, but when I do drink, I almost always drink too much. I wake up the next morning not feeling good and regretting it.

I know that I am an "all or nothing" person-- it is easier for me to not have any chips than to try to have only a few, etc. Avoiding chips is easy, but with the large role that wine plays in my family culture, I feel like quitting altogether would be conspicuous.

I don't think I need AA or anything like that... I'm just wondering at what point I should just decide to stop drinking altogether, or if I don't need to stop.

Am I alone in this, or does that make sense to any of you?

Thanks.
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Old 07-29-2009, 10:10 AM
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I think a lot of us have been in a similar situation.

Is drinking causing problems in your life? If so, you might want to take a look around here and do some reading. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and it will get worse, unless you stop. I should also add that many of us have had to make big changes in our lives as we recover. I had remove some friends and family members from my life. Recovery meant putting myself first and that was something I was not used to doing.
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Old 07-29-2009, 10:15 AM
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Hi Angsty,
Welcome to SR. Many people drink and that's there business. If it is a problem for you then maybe you might want to quit before it gets much worse. Do you have a issue controlling the amount you drink? Can you drink a half glass of wine and forget about it? When I drink wine I usally start with a bottle with the resolution that I only want one and end up getting at least two more. Then behavioral problems started. If you have the ability to stop drinking and You can afford it keep on drinking. My opinion.

"It's a problem if it causes problems"
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Old 07-29-2009, 10:16 AM
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No one here can tell you what to do about all this.. a lot of us are sober and have been for a long time, and have walked in very similar shoes you wear

We can share our experiences. I quit when I decided that alcohol was not enhancing my life, and was contributing to negative outcomes in my health (hungover a lot, not eating right, likely not good for my liver or brain..), relationships (drunken arguments, embarrassing behaviors, whatever), and personal well being (feeling dependent on a substance outside myself for relaxation and enjoyment, medicating anxiety, ignoring emotional work I needed to do instead of drink away).

You may or may not have a problem, if you can go days or weeks without it, why not try a month and see how you feel, if it's no big deal?

I came from a heavy drinking 'culture' and 'family'.. I ended up just explaining that I quit drinking because I wanted to be healthier.. it's a no brainer. I found that most of them really could care less if I drank, unless they needed a drinking partner to make them feel better about thier own behavior. People that care about me would never have questioned my desire for improved health.. if they did, they aren't my friends anymore. I don't need toxic people in my life...

Give it 30 days, see if the benefits from not drinking outweigh the benefits you might think you get from your binge drinking/hangover pattern.
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Old 07-29-2009, 10:25 AM
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Welcome to the Sober Recovery community.
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Old 07-29-2009, 10:28 AM
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"I wake up the next morning not feeling good and regretting it."

If you purposely, knowingly, consciously, and willingly do something to yourself at night, and wake up regretting it the next morning, my only suggestion would be to quit doing whatever it is the night before, or...

... stop regretting it in the morning - because you intentionally did it.. right?

The insanity of the disease can be baffling.

What was your question?

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Old 07-29-2009, 11:37 AM
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Thanks for the replies, everyone. Nice to know there's a hand there when I reach out.

TommyK-- you're right-- I am choosing it, so pretending like I'm not is BS. I know that my drinking is something that I am in control of, and that I am choosing to continue it. So I guess I need to just own it and realize that since I keep deciding to quit and then not quitting, I'm not ready to quit yet. I know I might need to sometime. Maybe I'll know it when I get there?

Smacked-- you're right, too-- several people in my family have quit drinking for various reasons, and nobody minds/cares. My hubby doesn't think I need to quit but I know that he would support me if I did.

Firehazard-- that I can't stop once I've started is precisely the problem... I'll drink until there isn't more to drink (or until there isn't any point to drinking more because I'm ready to pass out). We buy really cheap wine (the famous "Two Buck Chuck") by the case because we go through it so fast... although the "we" is really me. My husband can have 1 glass and stop. I'll finish the bottle (and sometimes open and finish another one).

I've decided to quit and changed my mind about 5 times already today. I wonder when I'll get off the merry-go-round?
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Old 07-29-2009, 11:51 AM
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Originally Posted by Angsty View Post
I've decided to quit and changed my mind about 5 times already today. I wonder when I'll get off the merry-go-round?
Everyone's different. Just read some more horror stories of how alcohol or any substance has ruined peoples' lives in the long run (I've got a couple).

Not that it will happen to you, though it could. Just think: is anything that happens that affects your life negatively because of drinking worth it to you to keep drinking?

if so, that's a more serious problem than you probably expected. keep communicating and hopefully you'll find that convincing.
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Old 07-29-2009, 01:09 PM
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Welcome,

You have found the right place. There is alot of knowledge here. I wish I would of found this site before my disease progressed. There are alot of red flags in what you are telling us. Can it be worse? Absolutely. Will it get worse? Probably unless you change something. I also here alot of rationialization (sp?) in your words. Some just wrote that is a sign of middle stages of alcoholism. If I think back I did so much rationializing. I worked hard, was done raising my kids, deserved it.... Good luck and keep posting and reading.
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Old 07-29-2009, 01:19 PM
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Welcome to SR.

If you have come to an alcoholism forum, you probably are more than a little concerned about how much you drink. Stay, read and post. SR is an awesome help.
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Old 07-29-2009, 01:31 PM
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Originally Posted by Angsty View Post
I know that my drinking is something that I am in control of, and that I am choosing to continue it.

that I can't stop once I've started is precisely the problem... I'll drink until there isn't more to drink (or until there isn't any point to drinking more because I'm ready to pass out). We buy really cheap wine (the famous "Two Buck Chuck") by the case because we go through it so fast... although the "we" is really me.

I've decided to quit and changed my mind about 5 times already today. I wonder when I'll get off the merry-go-round?
If you can't stop drinking once you start, then you really aren't in control of your drinking, are you? And the fact that you're debating whether or not to stop, but then decide against it, indicates to me that you recognize that you may have a problem but don't want to accept the fact. There's no one here who can tell you that you have a problem with alcohol. That's something you have to decide on your own. I would suggest that you take a hard, honest look at yourself and your drinking. That's the only way you're going to get off the merry-go-round.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:06 PM
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Hi joedris.

I used to think that i was able to quit, and as u say 'flirted' with the idea of continuing to drink.

Stand back and seperate what you INTEND your behaviour to be while drinking as oppossed to what the formbook says about your behaviour when u drink.
Looking at your past when u drank will not lie. Looking forward to what your intentions are when you drink, you will most likely lie and lie at every oppertunity to yourself.

I fought and fought with this for years. Now I realise that I am completely helpless when it comes to trying to limit my drinking.

Free will disappears like tears in the rain when I drink alcohol.

Get back when you answer this question honestly. I am only 2 months sober (YAY) and feel the benefits. But it is more than just feeling the benefits. It is the difference between life and death.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:26 PM
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Wow. Lots to think about. And I promise that I will think about it. That's all I can say for sure right now.
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:40 PM
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Originally Posted by Angsty View Post
Hi all,

I'm glad to have found this site, it is just what I've been looking for. Maybe some of you can relate to where I am, and I'll appreciate any input you can give me.

I am an ultra-responsible and engaged wife/mommy/friend/employee. My drinking does not mess up any of that. However, drinking wine is a big part of my social interactions; extended family gatherings mean lots of wine, having friends over for dinner means lots of wine, sometimes Tuesday evening means lots of wine. I don't "crave" alcohol and can go days, weeks, or however long without it, but when I do drink, I almost always drink too much. I wake up the next morning not feeling good and regretting it.

I know that I am an "all or nothing" person-- it is easier for me to not have any chips than to try to have only a few, etc. Avoiding chips is easy, but with the large role that wine plays in my family culture, I feel like quitting altogether would be conspicuous.

I don't think I need AA or anything like that... I'm just wondering at what point I should just decide to stop drinking altogether, or if I don't need to stop.

Am I alone in this, or does that make sense to any of you?

Thanks.
I am also a binge drinker so I get where you are coning from. I don't need a drink everyday & can go for a while without but.... get me started on a few & I am on a train to nowhere (cant stop drinking).

You haven't listed any of the negative impacts that your drinking has had on you or your life (money, embarrassing moments, hangovers impacting your daily & family life, scary moments while in a black out, arguments, drunk phone calls etc.). What made you decide "hmmm I may need help with alcohol"?

Maybe none of this has happened "yet" but it probably will if you are a binge drinker as we don't typically start drinking less if we don't have to ;-)

If you can please take some time to share & list of of the negative impacts that alcohol has had on your life. I find that looking back at my first post on here is a great reminder as to what was going on & why I need to stay sober.

Take Care,

NB
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Old 07-29-2009, 03:59 PM
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Angsty, many years ago my drinking habits were like yours. Unlike you, I never considered quitting, always found an excuse to keep going with it. I didn't understand what was meant by alcoholism being a "progressive disease". I built up an unbelievable tolerance, while all my friends/family were able to have 2-3 & quit.

I'd worry about where your current lifestyle may be leading you. It was all fun & games for me in my early drinking years, but ended up a living hell. Not saying that would be you, but you're wise to be vigilant. Let us know how it's going & welcome to the family.
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Old 07-29-2009, 05:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Angsty View Post
Wow. Lots to think about. And I promise that I will think about it. That's all I can say for sure right now.
Dear Angsty, Why not just say your not going to drink for six months and see what happens, if you are not an alcoholic it really shouldn't be that much of a problem....

I hope you find what you are looking for...Bless you,

Hope3
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Old 07-29-2009, 05:39 PM
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Some great advice here - I hope you decide to stick around
Welcome Angsty!

D
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