Horizon2004

Hi, I just found this website today. It looks great and really useful - I think I will be spending a lot of time on here!

A little about me and my situation... my husband has an addiction problem, mostly with narcotic pain medications, though other prescription medications have been a problem in the past. He has been seeing a therapist as well as going to NA meetings. He still gets a prescription for percocet from his primary care doctor - she is aware of his addiction issues and his therapist is aware of him getting prescriptions and both are okay with this due to an underlying condition which causes pain.

Recently, his therapist has told him to be more honest with me about what he takes. He keeps a daily tracking sheet in our bathroom where he writes down how much he has taken each day. In addition, my husband has started ordering pain meds online (something he has done in the past as well) because he used up his prescription too quickly. He has told me each time when he has placed an order.

I appreciate his honesty, but what I am struggling with is how to respond when he tells me he is over using his prescription or ordering medications online. I know I shouldn't do what I want to do, which is to yell! I have tried to talk to him about why he does these things - maybe help him identify a trigger - but I'm not sure that has any effect. I'm so afraid of doing the wrong thing, enabling him, or making things worse, that right now I am basically doing nothing. He told me today he ordered more meds and we pretty much haven't spoken since then.

What is the appropriate response?

Ann

First let me welcome you to SR where you are among friends and people who have been where you are and truly understand.

I wouldn't hold too much to "truth" when it comes from anyone active in their addiction. It's possible but unlikely as most active addicts are incapable of honesty, it hampers their need to use.

My son is an addict, and I found that I was powerless over his addiction and had to leave it to him to find help when he was ready. Being his banker didn't work, being his "med dispenser" didn't work, holding his money, valuables, ID and wallet didn't work...because addiction is bigger than either of us.

Take a read around and you will see how others have dealt with this, some staying in the relationship and some leaving. The choice is always yours and we will support you either way.

Again, I am glad you joined us and hope you will continue to walk with us on this journey of recovery.

Hugs

outtolunch

I am an officer for a local not for profic community organization. We have a P.O. Box. It blew me away to learn how much information is required to open and maintain a P.O. Box. It fell, just short of a notarized note from my mother. Gone are the days of anonymous P. O. Boxes.

Procuring /posessing narcotics without a prescription is a felony in most places.

The OP is the only one who can decide if this is acceptable to her, or not.

Piglet123

Hi there. My husband has also had problems with addiction to prescription painkillers.

You'll learn on this forum that we try not to tell people what to do too much- just share our own experiences and different perspectives.

I can appreciate why his counsellor has told him to be more honest with you, but the counsellor hasn't given YOU any advice on what to "do" with that honesty. I get the feeling you might have interpreted being informed of his actions as putting you in a sort of "caretaker" role... I'm not sure that that is a helpful way to view it. It could give you the mistaken impression that you are somehow in control of his drug use (which of course you're not), or are somehow responsible for it (you're definitely not).

I can imagine too that to an addict, he might feel that if he is "honest" with you about what he is doing, you somehow share the "blame" for his choices. Perhaps you could ask the counsellor what sort of responses to disclosure about escalating drug use are helpful- I think you've been put in a very unfair position, without any guidance on this.

I decided when I first found out about my husband's addiction that I would learn as much as I could about addiction, learn about how to help myself, and leave the counselling to trained counsellors. I will listen to what he has to say, but I won't take the next step to try and untangle with him WHY he does what he does, etc.

I have made my boundaries extremely clear. With three small children in the house, he knows that the next time he takes a tablet he doesn't need, he is no longer welcome here. I know that probably seems harsh, but that is my decision and I'm prepared to live with it if push comes to shove. I guess one thing you might want to think about is what are YOUR boundaries? How "bad" is he allowed to get before you take a stand? And what will that stand be?

You have said that you won't do what you want to do, which is to yell at him. Why SHOULDN'T you be able to express your disappointment and frustration? Personally, I don't believe tiptoeing around addicts is at all fair on the family member caught in the crossfire. Yelling at him won't "make" him take more drugs (well, he might use your anger as an excuse to justify subsequent drug use, but he, not you, would still be responsible for it). You yell at him- he takes more drugs. You don't yell at him- he takes more drugs...

My husband had to put up with several weeks of me intermittently blowing up at him, knowing nothing he said could possibly make a difference. For me, suppressing (justifiable) anger isn't helpful- it just adds one more resentment to the long list.

Sorry for the ramble. I do appreciate how difficult your situation is. I hope you find the forum very helpful.