dreamstones

I’ve posted many a times here regarding my 42 years old AS, who stills lives at home with enabling Mom. The last post revolved around argument with Mom about not leaving my 5 year old granddaughter alone with sister under any circumstances. Well of course that went over real well and sis went on bender because I’m such an a**hole and that she has been sober for a long time (like 2 weeks). Of course, the bender just shows how she will use any excuse to start drinking again and not admit it is an addiction.

Last night, I got a call from Mom. I’ve been staying away from home and keeping contact to minimum, since I’m basically being blamed for sister’s last binge, nothing to do with her being alcoholic and nobody else wanting to accept THAT fact. You know what, it makes my life less stressful and I know my granddaughter is safe with my Mom and sister is usually working when she is over there. Seems that my sister is back in hospital with a similar episode as in February when we had to call ambulance after she was basically bleeding out from burning out her esophagus. Her blood sugar was at a dangerous level and she was severely dehydrated. Of course, for about 5 days, she just kept telling Mom she had flu and locked herself away in room, stating she was getting “better”. Of course, she has been drinking and Mom found a couple of empty pints in her car, but nothing in her usual hiding spot. I told Mom to look in basement and of course, then she found the bevy of empty liter bottles. Of course, Mom keeps stating how she has been doing so good, watching her diabetes, going to AA, and seeing a counselor to boot. She just doesn’t see it or wants to see it. I saw sister last weekend at family function and to me, she looked sober, but was pale and I think she was just staying sober for appearances till she got back home.

I guess why I’m posting about this latest episode is that while my Mom was telling me everything, I just calmly took it in, didn’t really offer my opinion, and wasn’t as upset as I’ve gotten in past. I told Mom I will not go to hospital to visit, that it is a waste of time anyway. She didn’t die again this time, I just wonder how many more times of a few weeks of sobriety, binge, bleed, hospital visit, more anguish for my Mom, that she will probably kill herself. I gave up on showing Mom how she is still enabling her, she just doesn’t see it that way and I don’t want to fight. Mom understands she can’t control or cure this, but she also is not helping by babying her either.

I just said a prayer for my sister and hope to God that this will be her rock bottom, but I don’t think so. Every time I’ve brought up having her go to a 30 day rehab, to fully dry out and start working on her mental and physical health, the idea is pooh-poohed, sis says she learned her lesson (we’ll see what she says this time) and is ready to stop, though she still will not say she has a drinking problem, which is the number one start to finding sobriety I believe. I don’t know how many more times she can go through this.

Really, I’m kind of at peace with this, but would like to ask all of your for a quick prayer on her behalf to help find the guidance and strength to finally get help. I know it is out of my hands and I have a feeling if she doesn’t do it this time, she may be dead within the year. Thank you all for your support and letting me get this off my chest.

Still Waters

Good for you for taking care of your well being first dreamstones!

You certainly have my prayers for all of you.

:praying

LucyA

thinking of you dreamstones, it's so hard to just watch it all happening, take care x

GiveLove

Sending you my good wishes, dreamstones, and prayers to her. My sister went through several hospital visits in her final year - very disturbing.

dreamstones

God bless all of you fantastic people, you provide great strength!

dreamstones

Just wanted to give update after talking to my Mom this morning. Sister is still in intensive care after 4 days, pretty much out of it still. They have her restrained because she keeps pulling out IV's (DT's I'm guessing). They are going to do some kind of procedure on her esophugus to stop bleeding. She also got fired from her job, her boss left message on my Mom's machine. Do you think this is rock bottom?

I still haven't gone to hospital and will not, I can't do this again. I pray she gets better, I pray she finds the help she needs to get sober once and for all. I also pray for my Mom, she is taking this very hard and feels guilty. Even with all her involvement with Al-Anon, she isn't taking this latest episode very well.

Going through this with my sister is deja-vu, it was around 25 years ago that we went through all this with my late Dad, even down to the "fried" esophugus that has been eaten away by alcohol. He went through this about 4 times before he died, sis is following in his path as well. The only difference between the two is she "hides" her drinking, whereas Dad would state he is going to drink, he is going to get drunk, and nobody is going to stop him. :wtf2

GiveLove

There is no answer to that. My sis was in ICU three times (perhaps more..I've lost count) before the bout that finally ended her suffering. She had also lost her job, her sweet husband, her career in the motion picture industry, all of her possessions, even her dog. She was living on the streets of Los Angeles, still drinking, still getting kicked out of rehabs and help centers for her refusal to stop drinking.

All you can do, dreamstones, is try to support your mom as best you can. Are there "stealth" things you can do to help her through this? Making sure she eats, making sure she takes time for herself, etc.? What about you? Are you taking tender care of yourself? Caring for the Living has always helped me to get through horrible times with alcoholics in my family...without misplaced guilt.

Hugs to you - this is a very rough time.

rae33

dreamstones, I will certainly be praying for you and your sister.

And, only she can know whether this is 'rock bottom' or not. It's so hard for us to imagine that something so dire could be anything but rock bottom, but unfortunately, it's not up to us. Hang in there!

dreamstones

Thanks GL and Rae for the hugs and prayers, they really mean a lot! I guess I was being more sarcastic than anything, after facing this for what seems like my whole life with Dad and Sis, I guess you have a somewhat cyncial outlook on life at times.

Mom will be fine, she is very strong and I've been checking on her a few times a day. She stays involved heavily with her volunteer work, as well as watching her great-grandaugther a few days during the week. She just seems to keep asking why addicts are addicted, what "pulls the trigger"? Probably the same question we all ask as we post our thoughts, concerns, and support on this board.

I really am doing fine for the most part, there isn't anything I can do, I do realize this. The craziness I've experienced in the past will not happen again, I promised that to myself. I'm not going to lecture sis, search for the empty bottles, talk to her boss on her behalf (yeah, I did that once), argue with my Mom over tough love and enabling. I will just pray for her, that is my only control...