Recently I've been searching for conflict in my life...

Old 07-26-2009, 09:32 PM
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Recently I've been searching for conflict in my life...

I've recently found myself searching for conflict and things to get a rise out of me. I read the news and engross myself in stories that really don't affect me. I absorb bad news, like the economy, or world problems, wars, etc. I want to feel like I can make a difference in these things if I let myself feel bad.

I read the hatred that is spilled out of people's mouths in political discussion boards embedded in news stories. I take sides. I'm liberal, so I read posts by conservatives just so I can get angry with them. If I was conservative, I'd probably be angry at posts by liberals. I also turn on conservative talk radio just so I can get a rise and really hate what they are saying.

My problem? There is nothing wrong with my life right now. I go to work, I exercise, I go out with friends, I have a loving wife. Everything is good. I feel this sick need to seek out conflict, to seek out someone to disagree with just so I can feel better about myself. It's very defeating. I want it to stop.
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Old 07-26-2009, 09:53 PM
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I must admit, I was just reading the "Top 10 Worst Republican" list and wondering why am I doing this to myself prior to going to bed!

I wonder if you are having difficulty in feeling emotions period and are seeking out these triggers (conservatives get my blood boiling so I can imagine...) to feel something rather than just blah?
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Old 07-31-2009, 06:48 AM
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I did the same, because at least I felt something then. I had a friend who was a cutter. When she wanted to feel alive, she cut. When I wanted to, I picked a fight, or found someone I couldn't stand so I could feel the energy of the anger & hatred flowing through me.

I hadn't yet learned that there are other extreme emotions that are maybe healthier to seek out when I need an emotional kick. Eventually though, I did -- and found the things on the other side of the aisle (extreme joy or "flow", extreme affection, extreme excitement over doing something I was crazy about) and I didn't need talk radio any more

Nowadays it makes me really ill. I picture these huge blowhards (on all spots in the political spectrum) who just adore the sound of their own voice -- Blah Blah Blah! I'm right and you're wrong! You're screwing everything up! Why don't you listen to me!! LOL Completely different from where I used to be.

Is there any way you can get your emotional adrenaline kick from something that's not so...pointless? Not that standing up for your beliefs is pointless, but arguing about it with people who are NEVER going to be swayed to your views seems (now, to me) a waste of minutes.

I also recognized in me a need to be validated by competing and winning. Your screen name being that of an avid sports fan, you may have an element of this too. Balancing this in my life helped...though admittedly, it may be easier for a woman than for a man.

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