A few things on my mind
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 17
A few things on my mind
So im back living with my parents and have been for 5 days now. Im really not sure things are going to work out me living here. The atmosphere I find is a negative one. Prior to going into a treatment center 20 days ago I was in a very bad way more so because I had to wait about 8 weeks to get into a treatment center. It can’t of been easy for my parents and at my worst I was drinking 8 cans of 5% lager before I went in. I’m not sure if I can escape and move forward with my life with them always on my back, they seem to be on red alert all the time waiting for me to slip up, I cant live that way. I’m in early days of recovery and its not going to be a straight path and I even think I may relapse a few times, but im determined to get there eventually. I think my parents have there own issues as well, they don’t seem very happy, it’s not a happy house. Im 25 now and want to and should be living away from my parents. But im still getting over allot of things. I do privately rent a flat about a mile from my parent’s house, but it was a rushed rent and was the first time I had a place on my own. Its not the sort of place I can live in, its very small and its a middle floor flat and its in a busy area.
I need the right kind of environment to overcome my problems and I don’t feel living with my parents is that. Im going to start looking around for another place to rent privately and this time I want to get it right, im not after nothing special, something ground floor with a small garden and not in a hectic area are some things im after. Then I don’t know how this will work out, its going to be tough, although I have rented a flat privately for 10 months now I have mainly been using it as a getaway place, a place to have a break from living at home for short periods of time.I think I do need to learn to live independently from my parents but this isn’t easy as I have never properly lived on my own, and im not exactly in a great frame of mind at the moment.
Another thing that’s bothering me is I was supposed to go to rehab after treatment center, but being in such intense people concentrated environments I find is extremely stressful and it causes me allot of anxiety being around and having to live in a communal place. For me anyway there’s no way I could cope being contained in a building with 30 or so people for a long time, it doesn’t sound to far off being in prison. Im the sort of guy who enjoys peoples company but I also enjoy my own freedom and space. My own space to think things through properly, I occasionally enjoy just getting away from it all and going for a long walk with nothing much but nature.
Has anyone here done rehab before? and do you know of many where your not just contained to a building allot of the time. I enjoy the outdoors the fresh air I enjoy keeping active to take my mind off things. I think there are rehabs about on farms or in the countryside, even a rehab were u do work on the land or do some form of work would be good, I have not seen or heard of many if anyone knows of the sort of thing I mentioned. That’s all for now thanks for reading.
I need the right kind of environment to overcome my problems and I don’t feel living with my parents is that. Im going to start looking around for another place to rent privately and this time I want to get it right, im not after nothing special, something ground floor with a small garden and not in a hectic area are some things im after. Then I don’t know how this will work out, its going to be tough, although I have rented a flat privately for 10 months now I have mainly been using it as a getaway place, a place to have a break from living at home for short periods of time.I think I do need to learn to live independently from my parents but this isn’t easy as I have never properly lived on my own, and im not exactly in a great frame of mind at the moment.
Another thing that’s bothering me is I was supposed to go to rehab after treatment center, but being in such intense people concentrated environments I find is extremely stressful and it causes me allot of anxiety being around and having to live in a communal place. For me anyway there’s no way I could cope being contained in a building with 30 or so people for a long time, it doesn’t sound to far off being in prison. Im the sort of guy who enjoys peoples company but I also enjoy my own freedom and space. My own space to think things through properly, I occasionally enjoy just getting away from it all and going for a long walk with nothing much but nature.
Has anyone here done rehab before? and do you know of many where your not just contained to a building allot of the time. I enjoy the outdoors the fresh air I enjoy keeping active to take my mind off things. I think there are rehabs about on farms or in the countryside, even a rehab were u do work on the land or do some form of work would be good, I have not seen or heard of many if anyone knows of the sort of thing I mentioned. That’s all for now thanks for reading.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,501
Hi,
I didn't go to detox or to rehab either. I'm surely not saying I didn't need it, it just didn't work out that way. So, I can't offer any advice on that, but the main thing is to not drink, each day.
I think your plan to find a place to live on your own, a nice place of your choosing, is a really good idea. I kind of take issue with you saying you think you might relapse a few times. It takes a lot of motivation to stay sober and yes, you might relapse, but for me, I tried to think of drinking as 'not an option, ever'.
I wish you well with your recovery.
I didn't go to detox or to rehab either. I'm surely not saying I didn't need it, it just didn't work out that way. So, I can't offer any advice on that, but the main thing is to not drink, each day.
I think your plan to find a place to live on your own, a nice place of your choosing, is a really good idea. I kind of take issue with you saying you think you might relapse a few times. It takes a lot of motivation to stay sober and yes, you might relapse, but for me, I tried to think of drinking as 'not an option, ever'.
I wish you well with your recovery.
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
That stood out to me as well. It sounds like you are already planning on relapsing. Despite what you may have heard, relapse IS NOT a necessary part of recovery. Not saying it doesn't happen, it's happened to me far too many times. But if you go into it with the attitude that it is "part of the process" you probably will relapse.
I don't know your folks, but I would imagine they are on your back because they are worried about you and are afraid you will relapse. Not everyone makes it back from a relapse you know. Trust me, I understand feeling like you're "too old to be living with your parents". I'm 40 and living with mine. It beause I made such a mess of things, lapsing and relapsing over and over, I have no where else to go. I'm lucky they'll still take me in. I'm not saying my situation is anything like yours, it's just where I'm at.
As far as rehab goes, I've been to inpatient twice. First time I was 23 days clean and sober after I got out. Second time I picked up on the way home. Wasn't the fault of the rehab. Both were excellent programs and I would recommend them to anyone, the fault lies with me. I didn't like having people "up in my face all the time" either. Seriously, who does?? The idea is to drill the message into you enough that you understand you can't keep doing what you are doing.
I don't know a thing about your personal situation other than you just got out of detox, you are living with your parents, and you think they are on your back too much. Personally I would say those are all pretty normal for a person in your situation. As far as doing an inpatient rehab goes, unless you are really comitted to following "the plan" as they lay it out for you, I wouldn't bother. It would pretty much be a waste of time and money. I don't say that to be harsh, just speaking from my personal experience. I wasted well over 20 grand on rehabs, but I wasn't willing to "do the work" so they didn't work.
All rehab is is a "safe" place where you can live where they exercise a degree of control over your life until you can learn the skills to control your own life. I'm not sure where you live and what you can afford, but there are all kinds of different rehabs. Some are like you describe. The two I went to were not really like that. One was on about 100 acres of land with some trails, picnic areas, pool, etc. Now you had to earn the "privlege" of going out on the trails by yourself and most of the time you were with others. It's not meant to be a vacation. You had to attend and participate in all your groups, individual therapy, and generally be a "good boy" in order to take advantage of these "freedoms". The supervision is there for your protection. If you could do this on your own, you wouldn't need to be in rehab. The other place I went to had much more "freedom". We were alowed to have cell phones, lifed in a triplex (2 to a room), had more "free time", but there was also the same mandatory group therpy, 12-step meetings, individual therapy, etc. They took a more "holistic" approach to rehab incorporating things like martial arts, acupuncture, massage, steam and sauna treatments, regular workouts at the gym, strict "healthy" diet, dietary supplements, etc. Like I said before, neither one of these "worked" for me, because I wasn't willing to do the "work". You can go to the nicest, most expensive rehab in the world, and unless you are willing to follow the course they suggest, it won't work.
I truly hope some of this helped. I wasted 20 years of my life trying (or not trying as the case may be) to "get it right". Now I'm determined. I'm the one who has to change. Hope you don't have to waste 20 years of your life figuring that out. Take care.
I don't know your folks, but I would imagine they are on your back because they are worried about you and are afraid you will relapse. Not everyone makes it back from a relapse you know. Trust me, I understand feeling like you're "too old to be living with your parents". I'm 40 and living with mine. It beause I made such a mess of things, lapsing and relapsing over and over, I have no where else to go. I'm lucky they'll still take me in. I'm not saying my situation is anything like yours, it's just where I'm at.
As far as rehab goes, I've been to inpatient twice. First time I was 23 days clean and sober after I got out. Second time I picked up on the way home. Wasn't the fault of the rehab. Both were excellent programs and I would recommend them to anyone, the fault lies with me. I didn't like having people "up in my face all the time" either. Seriously, who does?? The idea is to drill the message into you enough that you understand you can't keep doing what you are doing.
I don't know a thing about your personal situation other than you just got out of detox, you are living with your parents, and you think they are on your back too much. Personally I would say those are all pretty normal for a person in your situation. As far as doing an inpatient rehab goes, unless you are really comitted to following "the plan" as they lay it out for you, I wouldn't bother. It would pretty much be a waste of time and money. I don't say that to be harsh, just speaking from my personal experience. I wasted well over 20 grand on rehabs, but I wasn't willing to "do the work" so they didn't work.
All rehab is is a "safe" place where you can live where they exercise a degree of control over your life until you can learn the skills to control your own life. I'm not sure where you live and what you can afford, but there are all kinds of different rehabs. Some are like you describe. The two I went to were not really like that. One was on about 100 acres of land with some trails, picnic areas, pool, etc. Now you had to earn the "privlege" of going out on the trails by yourself and most of the time you were with others. It's not meant to be a vacation. You had to attend and participate in all your groups, individual therapy, and generally be a "good boy" in order to take advantage of these "freedoms". The supervision is there for your protection. If you could do this on your own, you wouldn't need to be in rehab. The other place I went to had much more "freedom". We were alowed to have cell phones, lifed in a triplex (2 to a room), had more "free time", but there was also the same mandatory group therpy, 12-step meetings, individual therapy, etc. They took a more "holistic" approach to rehab incorporating things like martial arts, acupuncture, massage, steam and sauna treatments, regular workouts at the gym, strict "healthy" diet, dietary supplements, etc. Like I said before, neither one of these "worked" for me, because I wasn't willing to do the "work". You can go to the nicest, most expensive rehab in the world, and unless you are willing to follow the course they suggest, it won't work.
I truly hope some of this helped. I wasted 20 years of my life trying (or not trying as the case may be) to "get it right". Now I'm determined. I'm the one who has to change. Hope you don't have to waste 20 years of your life figuring that out. Take care.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
You're 25, you live with your parents, you think you 'may relapse a few times', and you can't cope being in rehab with others.
Please - look in the mirror, and ask yourself where your thinking has got you so far?
My friend - you appear to know a lot about what won't work for you, but not too much about what will work.
My suggestion is to thank the good Lord you have a roof over your head, thank your parents for caring, and then explain earnestly to your parents that you appreciate them being 'on your back', because you are facing a life & death situation you clearly haven't been able to get a handle on by yourself.
After that honest admission, ask them for their permission to continue living there while you go to 90 AA/NA meetings in 90 days and concentrate 100% on your recovery. Ask them if there are any work or projects you can do for them during your free time too.
Be humble... be grateful... be honest... make your recovery work this time.
This is a very serious matter, a matter of life & death.
We all have another relapse within us... but we don't all have another recovery.
Please - look in the mirror, and ask yourself where your thinking has got you so far?
My friend - you appear to know a lot about what won't work for you, but not too much about what will work.
My suggestion is to thank the good Lord you have a roof over your head, thank your parents for caring, and then explain earnestly to your parents that you appreciate them being 'on your back', because you are facing a life & death situation you clearly haven't been able to get a handle on by yourself.
After that honest admission, ask them for their permission to continue living there while you go to 90 AA/NA meetings in 90 days and concentrate 100% on your recovery. Ask them if there are any work or projects you can do for them during your free time too.
Be humble... be grateful... be honest... make your recovery work this time.
This is a very serious matter, a matter of life & death.
We all have another relapse within us... but we don't all have another recovery.
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
There are always negative situations if I try to run away from them they have seemed in my past to follow me. Maybe it was me being negative. Believe it or not your positive thoughts can overcome negative situations. It takes work though.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 285
It sounds like you are planning to relapse which makes it a bit inevitable that it will happen. Accepting things for as they are, and not worrying about "ifs" will make you a lot better off.
Living with your parents stinks, but I did it, at age 24, for a few months out of treatment and it is something you have to stick out. I wouldn't worry about their behavior at all--just focus on you and what you can do. If it is detrimental to your sobriety then by all means get the heck out of there asap. But it sounds like it is as much a self-constructed obstacle as a real one.
I wouldn't worry about your lack of a positive in treatment either, really does it matter? Just move forward, one foot in front of the other and don't look back.
You are making things complicated, and I am no expert, but it seems that if you just simplify everything you will be able to cope and deal with sobriety a lot better.
Living with your parents stinks, but I did it, at age 24, for a few months out of treatment and it is something you have to stick out. I wouldn't worry about their behavior at all--just focus on you and what you can do. If it is detrimental to your sobriety then by all means get the heck out of there asap. But it sounds like it is as much a self-constructed obstacle as a real one.
I wouldn't worry about your lack of a positive in treatment either, really does it matter? Just move forward, one foot in front of the other and don't look back.
You are making things complicated, and I am no expert, but it seems that if you just simplify everything you will be able to cope and deal with sobriety a lot better.
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