SunshinePacific

I am a binge drinker, and my problem is not usually drinking alone - it's going out with friends, promising i wont drink, and then drinking myself into oblivion. I've tried saying "K, guys, I'm not drinking tonight" and then I totally succumb to the peer pressure - it's like I'm a teenager with no self control all over again.

So here is my question: How did you tell your drinking buddies that you were not drinking anymore, and how did they react?

I'm a little afraid that my social life will evaporate.

tommyk

Me?

I found a new social life.

least

Your 'drinking' social life may well evaporate. But if you replace it with a better social life that doesn't involve drinking you may be pleasantly surprised.

Dee74

I didn't tell them...or told them half heartedly.
It nearly killed me trying to be a teenager at 40.

I *had* to stop drinking - it was killing me. I got to the point I just told them that.
I even used the A word.

Sadly even then some of my mates just couldn't get on board with that, so when I had to change my life I had to leave them out of it.

But anyone who really values you will be behind you in this

Welcome to SR Sunshine Pacific
D

NewBeginning010

Yep, as Dee said you will quickly find out who your drinking buddies are & who your real friends are.

Welcome to SR

waterfountain

I was kind of vague. But, being ambiguous to a degree seemed appropriate and to be the easiest way to let them know without coming across severe in any way. I told them that I was starting to get worried about my liver and pancreas and that I decided to "quit drinking for a while". For me, the "a while" is going to be a long time, perhaps (hopefully?) forever. To them, they can take "for a while" however they want. Nearly two months into it, I've only had one friend bring it up, and it was like this: I went out to eat at a bar with my mom (we like their cheep appetizers) and the friend called while I was there. When I told them where I was, he said I "should really check out their margarita special; it's a great bang for the buck!", to which I simply replied "no man, I'm still not drinking." They seemed surprised, and then kind of surprised me with "Oh, I'm sorry. It's just that, since you were at a bar... ah, that's cool".
No one has changed in their behavior towards me, they still offer me alcohol when I go to gatherings, and I politely decline, or simply raise my water bottle and say "I'm good!". I've gotten a little joshing for that, asking if I'm the sober-cab and whatnot, but nothing chiding or negative in any way.

So, so far, it's been painless.... but I'm sure it has a lot to do with how I used to hang out with these people while drinking; what we used to do. Luckily, a sober Waterfountain is apparently still fun to play games and wander around with

I wish you luck, I and I hope your friends are understanding, regardless of how much you chose to share with them

Wolfchild

i didn't have to tell them because i had made a decision to
stop hanging around them & the places that we had drank at.
It made pefect sense to do because of that other decision
i had made to stop drinking and begin a process of recovery.

If you want to keep drinking or try to control your drinking,
why would you really be concerned with what other people
think of you or the reasons you are choosing not to drink??

Firehazard

I started to become true to myself and came to find that the things and people that got in the way of me not drinking were eliminated. I still care about my drinking (buddy) but he has gone his way and me mine. Best wishes on your new sober decisions from this humble alkie.

ruletheworld

With me there were a few incidents that happened, involving drinking, that all my closest friends knew about. When I finally made the decision to quit, most of them realized it was the best thing for me to do. I was actually surprised that I didn't get more flak for it. I guess most of my friends knew for a long time that I had a drinking problem (long before I did) and figured it was about time that I quit.

There are some people that I haven't told - mainly people I work with, because I feel they wouldn't understand- so when I'm in a situation with them where there is drinking involved I just tell them I'm not drinking today.

I have grown apart from a few people since I quit, but that's alright. When you remove drinking as the common denominator, we just don't have that much in common anymore.
My true friends are still around and respect my decision to stay sober.

As for my social life, it's definitely changed since and I've come to accept it. It's a little slower, but at least the good times I do have I remember the next day.

Anna

I had to make a lot of changes in my life, including removing some people from my life.

The huge and unexpected benefit, was that, almost right away, two amazing women came into my life, who both ended up helping me along with my spiritual life.

Mark75

I am lucky... I have 2 or 3 close friends... I was always the heaviest drinker, they are normies... if they got drunk it was only to keep up with me... I told them the whole ugly story... they are still friends.

I am older though, and bars have not been a significant part of my social life for a while.

If your buddies are merely drinking buddies... well... find some new activities that don't have drinking as the reason for them... you'll find new buddies... ski buddies, hiking buddies, hunting and fishing buddies, well, be careful with that last bunch, some see those activities as a reason to drink...

Good luck... Make sobriety your priority and it won't be so hard... Easy does it... you'll get there.

Mark

SunshinePacific

Thanks all.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do without "partying" especially right now, at the early stage of recovery. I definitely don't think I could go out and not drink.

shelly009

You may find that your friends and lifestyle change over time... you could just say that you are trying to get healthy and opt out of the parties and pub nights. Thats what I am doing.

Wantthatfeeling

This issue was my BIGGEST fear/worry when I stopped. I was SO worried about losing friends...I started to be brave... one person at a time and prayed about it A LOT before I told each person. I have taken each person on a case by case basis (how much they get to know) and it has worked out really well. Everyone has been more supportive than I expected (they actually like me for me and not because I drink!) and I have come to peace with the fact that my real friends will stay and if there are ones that fall by the waist side...there are many other friends I have made in AA to make up for it.

I am SUPER lucky that, so far, so good. I learned that if I don't have anything other than drinking in common with them and that is the only thing they like about me...that is NOTHING to basis a friendship on.

I wish you lots of luck. I gain more self-confidence with each person and more humility... I am learning what people truly think of me without the alcohol...which, in reality, has always been my fear. What am I without the alcohol...and I am learning...I am such a better me!

GOOD LUCK with whatever method/way you go!!!! IMHO, it is one of the bravest things you can do--tell someone! Give yourself a BIG pat on the back and congratulate yourself...whether you tell the the "full meal deal" or just "trying to be healthy"...YOU ARE SOBER!

SoberSue09

Hi All,

been reading this thread with interest - I don't go out that much to pubs / bars, maybe 1 or 2 times a month but when I do, of course I get totally hammered. I have told my husband and sister that I am giving up drink and I am an alcoholic but they are like "No your not, just cut down".....which makes me mad )-;

I want to change and they are trying to make me think I don't have a problem, they can have a few drinks and stop whereas I can't.

I have a few things coming up in the next few weeks and I am going drive so will have an excuse.....I think the not drinking at home / kicking back at weekends will be a problem for me, but I'm thinking of new things to do

Sue

Faerie

I guess if you want to keep your 'drinking buddies' in your life you could maybe meet them for coffee during the day. That way you can stay away from temptation and still see them.

I also think the more people you tell about your problem the more support you'll get. I know it's scary, I've only just come out about my codeine addiction, but I have found only concern, love and support, not judgment. If they really love you they'll understand.

Welcome to SR,

dignityback

When I made the decision to stop, I first of all told my close friends that I just couldnt drink safely any more. I still use this with people who I dont really know but all my friends and close family already knew I had a big problem so they all now know Im in AA and working my programme. Good luck in your decision!

Sikkisirus

First of all, welcome Sunshine and SoberSue

Your friends should be supportive if you tell them you're not drinking, I have little time for the ones who say 'aw go on, have just the one.' My usual response on my sober days is 'whats the use in having ONE??'

And Sue, I notice you're in Ireland? Ive just come back from another holiday in your beautiful country. I love Ireland.

SoberSue09

thanks all - well I think I will always have people around me who will be like "ah go on, sure just have the one", (the Irish way - anyone watch Father ted!!) ....so I will have to face that. I did trying giving up 3 years ago and I have some AA books so I am going to take it one day at a time..... I know as well, the times and routines I have for drinking.....

One thing I am going to do is have something to eat on my way home from work as I know if I feel full I won't be inclined to drink......

all the best to everyone!

Dee74

Hi Sue.

I wanted to welcome yoy as well - and LOL you reminded me of Mrs Doyle

It's not easy but we're here to support you in saying no
D