Mom of addict
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Hi Becky ((Hug)) -- My 19 yo son is just out of rehab, too. I find myself worrying too. I'm trying to spend a lot of time here at SR, going to Al-Anon meetings and reading Al-anon and co-dependence material. It's all helping so much.
How old is your son?
How old is your son?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Welcome to SR. I'm a mom of an addict too and understand the fear of relapse. What has helped me is to work at shifting my focus towards the things that I _do_ have control over. My son relapsed many times over a ten year period. He's been clean now for over three years.
May I suggest that you try posting in our Friends and Family of Substance Abuse forum? There are lots of moms over there, who also understand that fear and have found positive ways to deal with it. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/
I'm glad to meet you.
May I suggest that you try posting in our Friends and Family of Substance Abuse forum? There are lots of moms over there, who also understand that fear and have found positive ways to deal with it. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tance-abusers/
I'm glad to meet you.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Unfortunately, you should prepare yourself for the liklihood that he will relapse. I certainly hope not, but the odds are..... If he does however relapse it does not mean the end. Relapses often occur before someone finally gets it. Though hard to do the best thing to try and do for both of you is practice some form of detachment. Recovery is an inside job and it is up to the individual to do it. I hope it works out.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Moms are experts at worrying.
Your son could get struck by lightning, have a car wreck, etc., etc. Your worrying about it will not make it more or less likely to happen, nor will it increase or decrease his chances of surviving the car wreck or lightning bolt.
Same with his recovery. He has been in rehab and has a second chance. You cannot work his recovery for him. Worrying about it has no effect on it. Let it go.
In term of "needing support from other family members", what are you looking for?
Your son could get struck by lightning, have a car wreck, etc., etc. Your worrying about it will not make it more or less likely to happen, nor will it increase or decrease his chances of surviving the car wreck or lightning bolt.
Same with his recovery. He has been in rehab and has a second chance. You cannot work his recovery for him. Worrying about it has no effect on it. Let it go.
In term of "needing support from other family members", what are you looking for?
Leap of Faith Survivor
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 4,555
(((Becky)))
I am a mom of an AD and I understand your fears..
I came here, a mess, two years ago...I thought it was my job to fix her, I am her parent, right?
I learned everything I could about her disease, and through the moms over in Friends and Family, and Al-Anon, I learned about my disease: Codependency.
It has been 8 years, and she has relapsed a few times and is now a month sober, loving AA(used to hate it), has many sober friends and is doing counselling.
I did not cause it, I cannot control it and I could not fix it.
I learned was that this is her process and I have mine.
That awareness was key for me in relationship to her ever finding her feet. Funny, after all the years of wailing and nashing of teeth, that finally gives me peace.
and Yes, Friends and Family of Substance Abuse would also be a really good place to post for support...I am glad you are here...hugs , Grateful
I am a mom of an AD and I understand your fears..
I came here, a mess, two years ago...I thought it was my job to fix her, I am her parent, right?
I learned everything I could about her disease, and through the moms over in Friends and Family, and Al-Anon, I learned about my disease: Codependency.
It has been 8 years, and she has relapsed a few times and is now a month sober, loving AA(used to hate it), has many sober friends and is doing counselling.
I did not cause it, I cannot control it and I could not fix it.
I learned was that this is her process and I have mine.
That awareness was key for me in relationship to her ever finding her feet. Funny, after all the years of wailing and nashing of teeth, that finally gives me peace.
and Yes, Friends and Family of Substance Abuse would also be a really good place to post for support...I am glad you are here...hugs , Grateful
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Another mom of an addict here.
I have learned to live my life in spite of what she is/isn't doing. She's had opportunities at recovery, but would rather live in her dysfunctional world.
It has no bearing on what I do with my life. I turned her over to God because I know he has a plan for her.
:ghug2 :ghug2
I have learned to live my life in spite of what she is/isn't doing. She's had opportunities at recovery, but would rather live in her dysfunctional world.
It has no bearing on what I do with my life. I turned her over to God because I know he has a plan for her.
:ghug2 :ghug2
Sobriety in technicolor
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 98
I am an addict with a mother
(I am a mom too, but my daughter is only 3)
I can tell you that expressing your worry to your son may fuel his own shame and push him away from you. I had to detach from my family a bit in order to look at the ugliness within me, heal it, then go outward into the world and into my family again. This bothered my mom but by my 3rd rehab (yes, it can happen to your son too) my mother learned to step back and let me recover.
In the meantime, I suggest you go to Al-Alon (they suggest 10 meetings before you decide whether or not it is for you). This will help you break off from the codependance of addiction, becasue unfortunately whehn one family member is sick, we all get sick.
I know you want him fixed NOW, but it may not happen, or it may happen slowly. Al-Anon is not about you helping him, it's about you helping yourself detach from the worry, and the obession about his recovery. And its about helping you find your own identity rather than just "the mom of an addict" which is probably what you are consumed with right now.
Good luck!
(I am a mom too, but my daughter is only 3)
I can tell you that expressing your worry to your son may fuel his own shame and push him away from you. I had to detach from my family a bit in order to look at the ugliness within me, heal it, then go outward into the world and into my family again. This bothered my mom but by my 3rd rehab (yes, it can happen to your son too) my mother learned to step back and let me recover.
In the meantime, I suggest you go to Al-Alon (they suggest 10 meetings before you decide whether or not it is for you). This will help you break off from the codependance of addiction, becasue unfortunately whehn one family member is sick, we all get sick.
I know you want him fixed NOW, but it may not happen, or it may happen slowly. Al-Anon is not about you helping him, it's about you helping yourself detach from the worry, and the obession about his recovery. And its about helping you find your own identity rather than just "the mom of an addict" which is probably what you are consumed with right now.
Good luck!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
