TakingCharge999

How codie of me to ask, I guess if I want to go I should go and that's the end of it right!

But no... the ex is probably going...and I am starting to feel anxious not only about seeing him in that setting, watching him have a good time (and of course DRINK) but also about all the other coworkers who know we broke up badly and know the new gf and will be there watching our "tension"

I feel bad with myself because I am sure he is not giving this any second thought and yet I am.

THEN again, look in our team its 28 men and I am the only woman. I feel proud of that because this field is usually populated by men only (at least in our country where we still live in the Dark ages).

And also because I have earned recognition. Everyone mentions I am the one who works the most. On the rotations I am the only one who works 24x7, also during weekends and the account I support is one of the largest and most problematic.

I do feel I am entitled to go and have a good time. I am sure I can sit next to my team but then again not sure I will be able to avoid him altogether.

Perhaps this anxiety is a sign its not worth it. And a dinner is not worth the stress.. but its kind of seen "badly" that I have not participated in anything related to the company... and I say, I earned my place here, I am hard working, why shouldn't I enjoy this the same way...

I just hope I will feel more stable next week and don't give a damn and just imagine the guy I see is the ex's evil clone.

Any input, kicks on the a$$ welcome lol

Boogs

I started avoiding all work based social activties because of my ex. If I went along I would always end getting upset watching him drink and flirt with other women (at one point actually leaning across me to do it).

A month or so there was an evening do which I was expected to attend knowing he would be there. I got very anxious about it and on the day couldn't even eat for fear of going. Most of my friends tried to talk me out of going but one friend (who came with me) said that I had to for my own sake even if it meant just staying for 30 mins. She was right, I went along and pretty much ignored him. I had some drinks and had a laugh completely forgetting him after a while. My friend said that whilst he kept his distance form me he was always aware where I was and she thought he would find it very difficult to watch me having fun like I did. The next day he took a sickie. He never mentioned anything until today when he looked at me with disgust and told me that I was in a real state that night. I think obliterated was the word he used and he said he had never seen me in that state before. Yes, that's right because you were too busy drinking your body weight in booze and peeing the bed and I am the one with the drink problem.

I think you need to listen to your anxiety but maybe just pop in briefly if that is possible. If you don't go then you will be annoyed with yourself. I know it is hard knowing that people are watching you for a reaction. Sod them, stop worrying about what they think. You know the truth.

TakingCharge999

LOL!

I just asked the organizer if we can take someone, he said yes, but he said the guests would probably feel out of place as we will be doing our geeky jokes. 30 engineers altogether? Not sure if I want my bf to go through that. Oh, I just remembered he is busy until 730 PM - he would not be able to attend anyway...

I guess I can just go with my team and whatever, if he goes, if he doesn't... I know my luck guys, enough to know what is going to happen... he will go and take his gf. I know I will be seated in the place with the best view to them. This is always how it goes, its ridiculous how I always run into them no matter the odds.

The sweet thing is that perhaps I will not care, and then it will be another one good point, knowing I can survive a company event with the "worse" happening and its ok.

Bernadette

I say GO! The social stuff is important for work teams, and in this economy it's good to make yourself invaluable.

And OK, the devil in me says also: get your hair done- get a great outfit that makes you feel confident (new shoes??? belt?? earrings???) walk in there like you own the place and have a smashing good time with the members of your team that you like!!

Could be fun!?

peace & good luck-
b

TakingCharge999

One coworker told me had found "of very bad taste" that the ex brought his gf to the office some days. Then someone told me the gf had no keys to the apartment and HAD to meet ex after work to get inside... that changed my perspective... talk about being a hostage alright...

I recall how horrible December was, I missed ALL the cocktails, fun activities and this year I am not sure I want to be such a grinch...well .. we will see then. Hopefully I care less by then.............

Thanks Boogs! you are right. I will not accept rides but take my own car, so I can go, have my dinner and as soon as they all start drinking I can leave. Will let you guys know how it went...

I am praying he has something else planned (like going straight to a bar) and he does not go, but he loves Argentinian meat and things for free so... I guess as much as I face reality the less afraid of living my own life I will be.

TakingCharge999

Hey Bernadette!

So now I am on a diet for one week, LOL I will try to use this as motivation to be as healthy as I can these days...

I am already planning on Sunday going to buy some great accesories.

Thanks!! now I am all motivated to have my nails done, etc etc I will play dressing up later tonight, I need to look GOOD !!

TakingCharge999

Its true that saying, when you see your bf you kind of get pretty, when you are going to see your ex you prepare a lot, but when you prepare to look YOUR BEST EVER is when you know you will see the ex's new one!

Thanks a lot for the motivation again!! I am happy because he NEVER sees me happy or with anyone else... for once he will see yup, I am still here, I no longer have puffy eyes... and I am no longer the zombie he used to see all the time.

If I wanted to do the same to him I would ask my bf to go pick me up and put on a show on how in love I am. And introduce him to his friends just next to him.

Too bad I am not that kind of gal but I have to accept I like imagining that. Not that he would care huh, probably he would be wasted at minute #2.

Thanks a lot for the great advice!

Crazy4Him

You're an engineer?! WOW that's amazing. I'm jealous. Even more amazing is that you work with all men which, honestly thinking back on your old posts, explains a lot!

What was that quote? The best revenge is living well?

I say you go and dance the night away (that's assuming there will be any dancing but you know what I mean!)

TakingCharge999

OK I just ate pizza but I SWEAR it will just be salads from now on
LOL

I am an engineer, I am no longer that geeky but its fun to be yelled at frequently for things that are not your fault, and to take networks down at 4 AM

I just need to remember this is not about enablers and my inability to disengage from my addiction to a person, and everything to do with my studies and efforts so far

I got a review today, I felt kind of mediocre but now I am MOTIVATED to do a much better job and study and do it all much better, I know I CAN!! It was fun listening to the boss I have not gone "above and beyond"

....

I mean for the most part in my job I have been a crying mess fixing stuff on one window and SR in the other, moving 3 times.. but well now that I am more settled and stable this is when my really good work starts I am glad I was able to keep my job, I know I made a lot of mistakes...

Wow dressing for your job really helps you "feel the part"

TakingCharge999

I just confirmed my presence next Thursday.. let the show begin..

Bernadette

If I wanted to do the same to him I would ask my bf to go pick me up and put on a show on how in love I am. And introduce him to his friends just next to him.

See, I actually disagree-- I think it is far more powerful to show the world how you are standing on your own 2 feet - and i know- I know- you don't need to show him anything - he can kiss yer grits-- but since you can have a little fun w/ this why not??!!

Don't worry about the pizza baby-- it's the inner glow that people notice and admire - you could be stick thin and dry as wallpaper paste - yuk! Be luscious, fabulous, and interesting on the inside and you'll feel & look great!!

tee hee--have fun!
b

MeHandle

Yo! And who cares what your co-workers are thinking in regards to you and the ex. Be you! Gossip happens....all-the-time. Someone who is curious and/or concerned won't gossip, they will say something, or look for a "different subject." Then you will know exactly what they are thinking.:-)

Kick in the butt: stop worrying and assuming what your co-workers are thinking.It hasn't even happened yet. It will not be lady like while you are all dressed up , wanting to enjoy YOUR good time.:-) Especially after you have dieted, got your nails done, got some new stuff for the occasion and put on some new perfume that the ex has never smelled on you before.
:-)


lol

love tammy

Do Not Worry

matt 5: 25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

TakingCharge999

You are all right---

Back to ME ME ME ME (hey its fun to think abt our looks and ourselves, feels good to be on the right track again!! whew!)

I already decided to buy a white dress and a white flower to put on my head. Nails, self tan this weekend and i will straighten my hair....I bet I will look odd along with fat geeky guys lol

My bf today said he would like to go get one drink with me. He is going out for the weekend so he suggested thursday. I said "cool, pick me up at the restaurant X".

I will ask a coworker for a ride, then grab my well deserved meal, get a drink somewhere really posh with my guy and probably end up in his loving arms hey I did not want to, but its good for MY PLANS to have my bf pick me up there so WTF.

Some holidays with my family, and suddenly I am bound to have great evenings like that one... hard not to feel blessed---

Thanks a lot for your invaluable support!!

TakingCharge999

I was giving this more thought. A friend's mom offered to prepare me for that day. That would mean to wake up at 7 latest, drive, come back, etc etc... I concluded that looking pretty effort would be much much better spent, and would made me feel better if I did it as a surprise for a date with my bf

So on Thu I won't do anything special, I mean I already look good, (because I feel better about myself, and safer) just wear a dark green top that makes me feel really nice, and my tallest favorite boots. I realized what ex thinks of me now does not matter and I dont need to "show" or demonstrate anything to anyone

I thought about my bf and I respect him and like him very much. I wouldnt want for him to be subject of gossip and criticism. You all know how coworkers are like. So its no good for him to appear there. I believe I will be less stressed if I go by myself. I like to think I am a Hollywood star protecting my loved one from the paparazzi lol. I am really glad I got my own car. I am sure those guys will drink as hell there and afterwards.

I wish one day we got another event and ex's presence is a non issue and a non thread. At least I am able to say yes to an event now, even if I end up in SR afterwards LOL, before I wouldnt have even dreamed of going anywhere near him. I am glad my program is about progress, not perfection.

TakingCharge999

Well, well. I can't. I mean when I do not see him its all so logical and I am able to move on.

I was going out from work and I saw him from a distance. He had the biggest smile ever.

I got angry with myself for still letting him get to me and comparing my insides with his outsides. ARGH! Even with Lexapro I got so many feelings inside--- it hit me like a ton of bricks. But at least I did not came to cry to my apartment. I went to an arcade and played violent games.

I will cancel tomorrow. I cant do it. I cant act normal if I dont feel like it its not that I am a victim and I let "him" get the fun, etc etc and poor me i will miss something- its more like -- what gives ME, TC, more PEACE at this moment?

iI was easy to answer, a book and the cat on my lap. Or yoga. Yup. Maybe next year, we'll see how I feel.

My manager is in the US and my team lead is abroad, he is traveling and not going to this dinner.... my team lead was very good to me during my breakup. I know he values my work. And for my manager, I know how I can help my team in other ways. So, better focus on that stuff.

UGH its the wound opening again, but hey, I am no longer crying, and I am able to get at least some of my anger out. Progress. Not perfection.

Anyway, all the getting pretty stuff is still on! I may as well go out for a drink with bf. I will plan that afternoon in a special way. Only things that make ME happy. I got a cool new dress from France!!


To everyone who can go no contact, you are in heaven!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GiveLove

That kind of stress isn't worth any dinner to ME, TC. Right, wrong, should, shouldn't....it doesn't matter if it means I'm going to spend the whole evening stressing out. Why would I do that to myself? There's a lifetime of other dinners to be enjoyed when they won't be ruined by icky thoughts and clenched teeth. Find something you will LOVE LOVE LOVE doing instead. Your job is not your life.

TakingCharge999

Aw, it feels nice to be my own best friend. I guess the same event happens, but now I no longer fight my feelings, or think I should be further ahead... in fact I am kind of letting that go now, because i am cleaning my apt and tending the kitty and ordering stuff via internet and will prepare a nice typical mexican dish to my bf, then we will fall asleep (worked all night, been up since Sunday 9am )

Just for today, I will embrace the present moment...............

MissFixit

What fun to wear your new French dress and go out for an evening with your boyfriend whom you enjoy! That sounds like a pretty nice time to me. I'm jealous.

Still Waters

Cleavage

TakingCharge999

LOL!

Aw thanks all. I just spent a nice evening with the guy. He helped me clean up the kitchen. He moved the fridge. He hugged me a lot. We played a lot with Dolce!!! I mean, what else is there in this life. I suggested the drinks out and he said yes, and for the weekend we will buy a good bottle of wine, I will cook and we will watch movies..... I was going to cook now but he said "you seem very tired, better next time" and then he hugged me more. kitten+affection=TC healed

GiveLove you are right on, in some aspects it would be good to face this but bleahh, just by reading my thread and my stress today I realized he can still get all the company outings, you are totally right------

Perhaps its was good seeing him today so I did not go all set up on Thur and have a bad time. thanks all for your input!!!!!!!!!!! good night..