I'm in recovery, he isn't...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1
I'm in recovery, he isn't...
Hi All. God bless you for being here 
I have 8 years in AA, thank you, God. My AH picked up in early June after "taking a year off" to prove you know what (that he doesn't have a problem). I know it is progressive disease, and Al Anon tells me I didn't cause, can't cure or control it. We went to visit his family and it was completely insane. Non stop drinking and of course, he was in the thick of it 
I did my best to take care of myself... meetings, calling safe people etc. Now I realize that I had cultivated some hope during that year... and the disappointment is devastating, even though I KNOW better. Thankfully I am doing individual counseling in addition to AA. I am a conflict-avoider (but the therapist pointed out that much of this is co-dependence and worrying what he will think/feel/say etc.) So my challenge today is to pray for strength to speak my truth: clearly and respectfully. We drank together dating and early in the marriage. I love him so much, and I am not sure if I can stay with an alcoholic. Thanks for listening/reading. I will let you know what happens....
I have 8 years in AA, thank you, God. My AH picked up in early June after "taking a year off" to prove you know what (that he doesn't have a problem). I know it is progressive disease, and Al Anon tells me I didn't cause, can't cure or control it. We went to visit his family and it was completely insane. Non stop drinking and of course, he was in the thick of it 
I did my best to take care of myself... meetings, calling safe people etc. Now I realize that I had cultivated some hope during that year... and the disappointment is devastating, even though I KNOW better. Thankfully I am doing individual counseling in addition to AA. I am a conflict-avoider (but the therapist pointed out that much of this is co-dependence and worrying what he will think/feel/say etc.) So my challenge today is to pray for strength to speak my truth: clearly and respectfully. We drank together dating and early in the marriage. I love him so much, and I am not sure if I can stay with an alcoholic. Thanks for listening/reading. I will let you know what happens....
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Why oh why pick back up after a year? One of the many things I just don't understand about all this.
To me, alcohol has no benefits (the fact that it makes me sneeze and gives me hives makes it easy for me to say I guess), so if it's in any way or shape causing a problem in your life...why not just drop it by the wayside?
Strength and prayers for you metagirl.
To me, alcohol has no benefits (the fact that it makes me sneeze and gives me hives makes it easy for me to say I guess), so if it's in any way or shape causing a problem in your life...why not just drop it by the wayside?
Strength and prayers for you metagirl.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
We always hear how cunning baffling
and powerful alcohol and drugs r.
When we least expect it. We could be
in a good place, good memories, bad
place, bad situation then it hits us without
any notice.
There's no guard against the inevitable
happening.
However, for me, because of continuous
exposure to recovery on a daily bases
then im guaranteed a retrieve from drinking,
and u if using.
Only today, that's it.
Ive been to too many meetings where ive
seen people with a number of yrs recovery
go back out....in astonishment im speech-
less. How can that be?
I listen contently as they speak of what
happened to them, when with no reason
they just went out. They were powerless.
Their life was unmanageable.
Where were they when the urge hit them.
Had they been to enough meetings, talking,
listening, absorbing how this program works.
Putting enough of what they learned in the
bank to rely on for a rainy day?
It's them going back out and me listening
to them countless times saying how drugs
and alcohol hasnt changed out there in the
world. That it is still kicking Azz big time.
Why would i not believe them? Is it enough
to hear that first hand to keep me or u from
returning to that hell out there?
I didnt have to go out again to test the waters
because i remember what it was like very
vividly in my mind as if it were yesterday when
alcohol nearly killed me several times.
If it didnt work for me then, then it surely wouldnt
work for me now. Tomorrow, NEVER.
I suit up, show up. Arm myself with the steps
and principles handed down to us from yrs ago.
I live them, breath in my everyday life. No
struggles, just acceptance that this sober life
is way better than my drunken life almost 19
yrs ago.
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcohol.
By the grace of my HP and people
like u here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
and powerful alcohol and drugs r.
When we least expect it. We could be
in a good place, good memories, bad
place, bad situation then it hits us without
any notice.
There's no guard against the inevitable
happening.
However, for me, because of continuous
exposure to recovery on a daily bases
then im guaranteed a retrieve from drinking,
and u if using.
Only today, that's it.
Ive been to too many meetings where ive
seen people with a number of yrs recovery
go back out....in astonishment im speech-
less. How can that be?
I listen contently as they speak of what
happened to them, when with no reason
they just went out. They were powerless.
Their life was unmanageable.
Where were they when the urge hit them.
Had they been to enough meetings, talking,
listening, absorbing how this program works.
Putting enough of what they learned in the
bank to rely on for a rainy day?
It's them going back out and me listening
to them countless times saying how drugs
and alcohol hasnt changed out there in the
world. That it is still kicking Azz big time.
Why would i not believe them? Is it enough
to hear that first hand to keep me or u from
returning to that hell out there?
I didnt have to go out again to test the waters
because i remember what it was like very
vividly in my mind as if it were yesterday when
alcohol nearly killed me several times.
If it didnt work for me then, then it surely wouldnt
work for me now. Tomorrow, NEVER.
I suit up, show up. Arm myself with the steps
and principles handed down to us from yrs ago.
I live them, breath in my everyday life. No
struggles, just acceptance that this sober life
is way better than my drunken life almost 19
yrs ago.
Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcohol.
By the grace of my HP and people
like u here in SR I havent found it
necessary to pick up a drink of
alcohol since 8-11-90.
For that and you I am truely grateful.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Welcome Metagirl. You have found a great place with lots of experience, strength and hope (ES&H) from folks who have been where you are or are where you are now.
Boy did Anvil hit the nail on the head with that one.
Sheesh, ............................................ been there, done that, and have the T Shirt to prove it. My AA sponsor INSISTED that I start attending Al-Anon and get an Al-Anon sponsor and WORK the Al-anon program. It was only then that the 'truth' started to hit home for me. I could NO LONGER have 'toxic' people in my life. Had to go back to my priority list:
HP first.
Then myself.
Then those around me in order of importance to me.
I had to learn how to set my boundaries for me and stick to them (speak my truth). It was hard but it was MY SOBRIETY on the line, not his.
There is lots of ES&H here, so please do not be a stranger.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care so very much.
Love and hugs,
metagirl, it's one thing to deal with our own recovery - we learn how to do that - but i swear when one of our loved ones is using it's like everything we KNOW about recovery and what it takes TO recover just flies out the window!!!
Sheesh, ............................................ been there, done that, and have the T Shirt to prove it. My AA sponsor INSISTED that I start attending Al-Anon and get an Al-Anon sponsor and WORK the Al-anon program. It was only then that the 'truth' started to hit home for me. I could NO LONGER have 'toxic' people in my life. Had to go back to my priority list:
HP first.
Then myself.
Then those around me in order of importance to me.
I had to learn how to set my boundaries for me and stick to them (speak my truth). It was hard but it was MY SOBRIETY on the line, not his.
There is lots of ES&H here, so please do not be a stranger.
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care so very much.
Love and hugs,
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