smiley1455

Last year I found out that my husband was a meth addict. To be honest I should have seen the signs but I was so busy caring for our 2 children that I didn't notice (or chose not to notice) the things that were going on. Not only had he been actively using meth he also admitted to at least 2 affairs. Heartbroken doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. He wanted to work things out and so he went to rehab for 30 days. When he came home things seemed so much better and he was a better person. The problem is I am now 6 months pregnant with our 3rd child and I have caught him using meth twice in the last 2 weeks. He claims he found leftovers in his garage and did that and it isn't a problem and won't happen again. I am trying to encourage him to go to na meetings but he gets angry and says he'll go but says it will make it worse for him as it will only make him think about dope even more. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to fight with him and I feel like I'm still trying to pick up the emotional pieces from what he did to me before and I just don't know what to do. Does forcing him to go to NA meetings even help or does he need to go because he wants to get better himself??? Thanks for listening to me.

outtolunch

He's not done with it.

You did not cause this. You cannot control this. You cannot cure this.

You cannot force him to give it up and you cannot force him into NA.
We cannot force or love anyone clean and sober.

That he does not want to, is addiction. I know it hurts like hell but it's not personal. It's addiction. He is doing what addicts do and you will likely spiral down, with him, if you allow this to happen.

Only you can decide what's acceptable to you. Only you can decide, when and if you have had enough.

littlebird77

You could force him to go to NA meetings but it will not make him change if he does not want to. There needs to be a consequence for him to want to go. Is there anyway you can leave? I know you are pregnant, but I am not sure of your surroundings. I can only offer my prayers and if it was me, I would prepare for the worst. I would even look at some women's shelters, or assistance programs (wit) so you are well prepared.

Maybe you can give a little more detail to what your options are and other people on the board can offer their situations that may help....

I am so sorry you are going through this...

smiley1455

Thanks for the replies. If I were to leave my only real option is to move 2 states away and stay with my Mom. My 1st child isn't biologically my husbands but he has raised him but my son also has to go to his dads house every other weekend so moving 2 states away will cause a lot of problems with visitations with his Dad. I want to help my AH stop this before it leads to a huge problem like it was before but he just keeps acting like he's not out looking for it and found it and did it and it won't happen again. I believe we're headed for a full blown problem like he had before and if that happens I have no choice but to remove myself and the children from the situation permanently but I don't want to have to do that until I know I'm out of all other resources. Maybe this is just wishful thinking but for those of you who have been through this I was wondering if there is a chance he just slipped up twice and realized his mistake and will stop or is this just the beginning of the process of him becoming a full blown user again???

Callie

VERY, VERY slim is the chance that he's just slipped up twice. It's all or none for an addict. Click on the stickies here, click on the user names. For an addict, it's NOT recreational on ANY level. I'm sorry you're here. Especially with kids.

Freedom1990

As a recovering meth addict myself, and having been married to an active meth user once upon a time, I'd highly suggest you fasten your seatbelt because the ride is only going to get bumpier.

I was a 'buffet' drug user for a long time, whatever got me loaded, I did it. Then I found meth. That was the beginning of the end for me.

He is feeding you a line of BS, and believe me, he'll just get sneakier using it I'm sorry to say.

I hope you do what is right for you and those children because an active addict doesn't care who they take for prisoners.

Ann

I would be concerned about the safety of your children if he has drugs at home. Sorry to bring this up, but "tragic accidents" have happened before.

Perhaps make a plan, even if you never use it, and just figure out where you would go and how you would get there. If options are slim, you can contact a women's shelter and they can give you good and safe suggestions even if you don't go to the shelter.

Please be very careful, your safety and the children's may be at risk.

Sending big hugs because it sounds like you could use some.

rose

I have to agree with what Ann said, not to make you upset. My husband was the addict in my life, we have 2 sons together. I had so much support from Victims Services, but I kept letting my husband come around or come back. Victims Services told me that I was becoming as sick as he was and that if I didn't put and end letting him around, that they were going to have no choice other than to call Child Protective Services and have my children removed from our home.

That was a jolt that I needed! I know now that if my exah had custody of one of my children and this was going on in their home, I would have that child whipped out of that house with or without any court order...I think you would do the same.

Take action with him, let him know that any drugs in the home or being in the home high will NOT HAPPEN! Why do you have to pack up and leave two states away, he can get his butt out of the house if this is the life he is going to lead.

You are probably thinking about survival and his income, how will you get by. You will get by! If those kids were taken from you, you would fight tooth and nail to get them back and find a way to get by PDQ!

Forcing him to go to NA is a waste of time....I did that, the courts had taken his Driver's License, so I was dragging him to NA, dropping him off and then back 2 hours later to pick him up. One night I went early to pick him up, he was not even there, I saw him go into the hall when I dropped him off, as soon as I drove away he had been walking out and spending the 2 hours in a drug house and back just in time for the meeting to end and everyone was walking out and there he would be, I thought nothing of it, but when I got out of the car that night to have a cig and wait for him....SURPRISE, SURPRISE for both of us, he was walking up the street and THE FIGHT WAS ON!

My husband was with women...I felt so disgracefull having to go into a lab to be tested for deseases...I said to the lady taking blood from me with tears rolling down my face, my husband is a drug addict, she put her arm around me and said "Honey I am going through the samething"!

I just can't beleive that there was leftovers...they don't leave leftovers, I found my husband on the livingroom floor one night with a flashlight looking for any little bits that he may have dropped...and the cat going around and around in circles chasing the light.

Don't buy his BS...

Rose

MsBrittany

I'm going through the same thing. My fiancé is using drugs/ pain meds daily and I'm 8 weeks pregnant. I know this because his pupils are small, voice is raspy, he has more evergy.. So on.. I know the best thing to do is leave him but I also want to help him. I'm very confused but I do believe I'm going to have to suck it up and put my big girl panties on! I don't want a drug addict in my child's life/ he isn't going to get help until he is ready.. I'm unemployed at this time but I'm going to go to suck it up move back to my moms and find work ASAP! This is the best decision I can make for my child and Myself. Good luck to all of you going through this. It's one if the hardest things ever!

Faithlove

You caught him using twice in the last two weeks. That's what you CAUGHT him doing. Who knows where/when you didn't catch him using? My AH has NEVER just said to me, "Honey, I snorted an Oxy last Thursday. Just thought you should know."

Does your oldest child's father know that his child is living with an active meth addict? Consider how he and/or the courts would respond if he did know. Maybe you'd be the one having visitation instead of him?

Put your kids first; not the addict. Your AH is big enough to take care of himself. He is an adult. Your children depend on you to take care of them. I decided to stop worrying about helping my AH and instead focused on helping my kids. Removing them from a home with their addict father was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! But, it has been worth it. I'll admit, it took me a few separations from AH to get to this point, but now I wouldn't go back unless I could completely trust my AH to not be using....at all...ever again. Will that ever happen? I have no idea. All I know is life is better now.

Hugs and prayers to your and your babies!!

Faithlove

And, Welcome to SR, Smiley!

Please take some time to read the stickies at the top of the forum. Joining SR has changed/saved my life!!!

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I didn't pay attention to the post dates. Hopefully Smiley is doing ok!