AH is still home
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: bowling green ky
Posts: 201
AH is still home
but now he says I want to be "up his as* all the time"- true enough that since his infidelity came to light, I have been more needy than usual- needing reassurance and to know this is where he wants to be. His ex OW is still calling- hanging up- sooo tired of it! Shecallsfrom private #'s cannot be traced - nothing we can do.
Now I feel like its a chore for him to even touch me- like i'm "bugging" him or something. I feel ugly and unimportant and I dont know why? I don't want to sweat him all the time- he has stated without question he wants to be here w us- and has done everything I've asked of him- I am still scared- he wants to forget it ever happened- I do to but cant.
Now I feel like its a chore for him to even touch me- like i'm "bugging" him or something. I feel ugly and unimportant and I dont know why? I don't want to sweat him all the time- he has stated without question he wants to be here w us- and has done everything I've asked of him- I am still scared- he wants to forget it ever happened- I do to but cant.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Oh honey,
I do feel that marriages can be healed from infidelity but I also believe that it takes a long time, with understanding, patience and lots of times professional help.
You didn't mention if y'all were in therapy or if either of you were attending recovery meetings - this may be an option that may help.
For me, I also had to base my decisions on peoples actions not their words or intentions -
Also, it may be a good time to do some good self-care things for you - what helps you feel better about you - NOT his words or actions - but what can you do to help you? Getting that self-esteem boost from inside helps or at least it helped me!
HUGS,
Rita
I do feel that marriages can be healed from infidelity but I also believe that it takes a long time, with understanding, patience and lots of times professional help.
You didn't mention if y'all were in therapy or if either of you were attending recovery meetings - this may be an option that may help.
For me, I also had to base my decisions on peoples actions not their words or intentions -
Also, it may be a good time to do some good self-care things for you - what helps you feel better about you - NOT his words or actions - but what can you do to help you? Getting that self-esteem boost from inside helps or at least it helped me!
HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Maine
Posts: 43
Of course he wants "to forget about it--" he is an active alcoholic and a cheater. Why would he go through the pain of facing the consequences of his own actions if he thinks he can get away with not?
I once found myself in a similar situation as you. I began to realize -- as I think you are realizing -- how insane it was that the very person who betrayed me seemed to be the only person who could make me feel better about that betrayal. Even worse, he refused to give me the kind words and security I so needed. *I* seemed to be the only one "working" to get past what *he* had done. Next thing I knew, he was turning it around on me that I was needy.
It is a masterful form of manipulation and I hope you find the strength to break away from this, Ellima.
at
I once found myself in a similar situation as you. I began to realize -- as I think you are realizing -- how insane it was that the very person who betrayed me seemed to be the only person who could make me feel better about that betrayal. Even worse, he refused to give me the kind words and security I so needed. *I* seemed to be the only one "working" to get past what *he* had done. Next thing I knew, he was turning it around on me that I was needy.
It is a masterful form of manipulation and I hope you find the strength to break away from this, Ellima.
at
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: bowling green ky
Posts: 201
Thanks- I do feel needy- and that AINT me! I went from being 100% sure he was faithful and totally loved me- to my world crashing down and ?ing my ENTIRE relationship w him- I really dont know how to turn this needy part of me off- but its even bugging me!!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Ellima:
Is he still drinking? If not, has he shown any effort to find a recovery program to work on him?
If not, then THEN NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES.
I also have to ask, what you think has changed? And how do you think this is affecting your 13 year old son? I will again suggest that you go read the posts over in Adult Children of A's to see how this strife, stress, tension, affects them into adulthood.
Have you tried a counselor specializing in Addiction yet? Or Al-Anon?
Keep posting sweetie, we do care, but the only experience we can really share, is what worked for US, and that was WORKING ON OURSELVES to get off THE ROLLER COASTER.
Love and hugs,
Is he still drinking? If not, has he shown any effort to find a recovery program to work on him?
If not, then THEN NOTHING CHANGES IF NOTHING CHANGES.
I also have to ask, what you think has changed? And how do you think this is affecting your 13 year old son? I will again suggest that you go read the posts over in Adult Children of A's to see how this strife, stress, tension, affects them into adulthood.
Have you tried a counselor specializing in Addiction yet? Or Al-Anon?
Keep posting sweetie, we do care, but the only experience we can really share, is what worked for US, and that was WORKING ON OURSELVES to get off THE ROLLER COASTER.
Love and hugs,
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