KeepFaith222

It has been over a year now that I had left for rehab. I have been living with my parents since last September. I did very well with keeping my sober date. But, everyday that passed living under my parents control was causing me to become weaker and weaker. I guess I should back it up some-- I finally asked my parents for help, I did not want to live my life that way any longer. I would only drink because I was playing college volleyball and I was captain. We would have to take random drug test. Every day on the court the huddles would smell like a bar because of me. My coach had no idea how my body was holding up the way it was. Everynight that i drank and had a game the next day- I played my best games. Because I knew if I didnt preform my coach would be all over me. Long story short- I was the girl who went home everynight and drank herself to sleep. I maybe have gone to a handful of bars. To speed things up- I moved in with my boyfriend after volleyball - the last year was extremly hard on me b.c of my twin sister, explain later- I started the pills and steadly getting more and more into things. One day I woke up of course so depressed all the time - that I wanted a change. Mom came and helped me move out and into my parents home. They started controlling me more and more so that everynight I would stay in my room drinking more and more. They started catching on. Now, me wanting help turned into them taking control and making me get help. I left for rehab- tons of hurts and pains- my first stop was Hazeldon- my dad you know has to have the " best"- from there to Cali- I have eating issues- due to my dad and sister, no self esteem- my parents flew out for one weekend, my dad would not listen to what my doc. was trying to tell him- how he controls a lot of my thinking. Yanked me out of there to Houston. Once in houston I was so hurt and lost all hope. I ended up in the hospital ward. In there God showed me what he wanted for me. So I set out on my new journey with complete faith. Moved in Sep. with my rents. Only child at home now and I hate it. My parents control eveything from the time I wake up to when I go to sleep. I do not drive, I can not get a job, I can only take one class at college, I can not have friends, I go to meetings when they want to take me, I just now got the right to have my computer, my cell phone number was changed and only the certain 10 members can call me- all family. My parents feel since they spent all this money on me- which I would have been happy to go to a free one or basically anywhere- they get to control my life. So, one day I fell- I knew I had a wine bottle in my room from before I went off. I drank it- parents flipped and the rope is tighter. Im mentally losing it- Im searching for options- Signing up for the service, sober living- pretty much you name it Im thinking about it. I can not do this anymore- My monday night meetings save me- those women love me and know me. As of right now My prayer box is full and Im looking to anyone to reach out to. I want my life to start I dont want to stay in this self distruction circle. Everyday goes by I'm beating myself up harder. Yes, I have gained a lot of sober time back but my thinking is still the same. I know I do not want to drink. But, when your family isnt there for you except to tell you what to do- you start shutting down. Last ex- Yes, Im sober and have been moving forward in that way. But, when I said I have eatting issues too- I have made big steps in that area too. But, when you walk downstairs and the first thing your mother tells you is do you have a jar of peanut butter in your room. Yes, mom- and she explodes on you b.c your eatting in your room- you start falling backwards- So, now that I have been losing a lot of weight- my mom is freaking out. You know I said mom if the only problem we have right now is me eating in my room at night- Dont you think we are doing pretty good? O she loved that one. So, yes Im so angry- Im going through the motions- this is not me- I want to stay on my path God has set for me- not my parents path. Please pray for me.
Anyone have anything to help- I would be so greatful

Wolfchild

Hello and welcome to SR.

four812

what a wonderful, and honest share keepfaith

thanks a lot for your story.

I understand your dilemna i think. a tight leash would automatically creat a lot of resentment and anger for me and would possibly drive me to want to drink/use at all costs.

it's great that they are there for you, but they also are lacking healthy tools that could be even of more service to you.

perhaps you can bear it and suceed with their help, and maybe you cant and need to look for solutions in which you can recover away from the "control" of parents.

keep searching your heart.

rachelbrittany

congrats on still staying sober through everything, your a very strong person - wish i had more to say

pray-god will help you through it all..

how old are you if i may ask?

kwigers

Wow, are you willing to use a different lens to view your situation and your parents through? Seems the lens you have at the present time sort of sucks!
What if...what if Gods way is actually putting you in the situation where your parents are helping you do what God wants? What if...you are on the right path, and all you need to do is move the veil that addiction hangs over your mind, your eyes? What if this is the miracle? What if you were to stop complaining and start rejoicing?
Much love and light!~Cheryl

Anna

Welcome!

I'm glad you found us.

SomeCallMeTim

:praying

KeepFaith222

Hi- Sorry I'm still trying to figure how to work everything.... Thank you for your reply.. just a couple of words keeps me going. I am 22. I hate how I let my negative thinking get me down. I try so hard to change the way Im thinking- my new project right now is-- writing bible verse or good healthy things down on flash cards and read them over and over when Im down. I hope your having a blessed day and thank you again.

Dee74

hi keepfaith - welcome to SR.

This place is great for support - and for challenging that negative voice - use us

hope to see you around
D