Starting Over...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Birmingham, AL
Posts: 14
Starting Over...
When I last posted, it was before 4th of July weekend. I had friends coming to visit me and I knew it would be tough not to drink. Again, fortunately I am not experiencing the physical cravings. The problem that I'm having is based on the social aspect. I'm fine when I'm by myself, but when I'm around friends and coworkers who drink, it makes it harder.
Needless to say, I drank over the 4th of July. Naturally, being in from out of town, the places they want to go are the bars and restuarants. I had no problem with that, and actually didn't drink while at the bars the first night. However, when we got back to my apartment I had a few drinks while we were sitting outside. After I had a few, I wanted to keep drinking. This is again an example of how I'm okay if I don't start drinking, but once I do have a drink, I'm much more tempted to want a second, third, fifth, tenth, etc. That is exactly what happened. I had not seen these people in awhile, and myself and one other guy stayed up very late, and I drank the whole time while we talked. After he went to bed, I kept on drinking.
The next two days it was basically the same thing. I didn't drink much during the day, but once we got back to my place I started and drank a fair amount. It became easy to convince myself that this was a special occassion and once they left I'd quit again.
They left, and I quit again. One night after work I had one beer with a few friends at a bar, but until this past weekend that was really it.
Then this past weekend rolled around, I told myself again that I could meet up with friends and have just one beer just as I'd done before. It was Saturday night, a buddy came over to watch a soccer game (yes, I'm a soccer fan), and I had a beer with him. This time I didn't stop. We drank until what he brought over was gone, then we went out and drank some more, and bought some more. I basically woke up the next morning at my apartment, starting having a few again, and became hungry. I didn't want to drive anywhere because I had been drinking, so I had food delivered late in the afternoon. While I was eating I told myself that I needed to quit again, and go to bed. That was yesterday, so here I am back at square one.
So, if I'm keeping score, the bad, but not so badthings about what's happened are that I didn't put myself in a dangerous situation (ie drinking and driving). I took steps to avoid this. That was always my biggest fear because I cannot imagine having to go through a situation where I either get busted for DUI, or worse, and when I was drunk I always thought that I was okay. I was also able to stop myself yesterday after having several drinks. That's not something I'm always able to do. In fact, it's something that I'm RARELY able to do.
Of course, the bad news here is that I drank again when I didn't want to, and I feel bad about that. When I quit the first time, I made it about 12 days, which isn't long, but it was long enough for me to identify that I liked not drinking. I felt a sense of accomplishment, I had more energy, and I felt like I was just all around better off for it. Even the night I just had the one beer I felt like I'd let myself down somewhat. I felt that way even more after the weekend.
I'm also faced with having to deal with the social aspect of drinking. Although I consider most of my friends to be responsible drinkers, they are still drinkers. I don't know very many people that don't drink at least a little bit, and the people I do know I don't associate with all that much in social situations. It makes it more difficult when I'm around them to not drink. Tonight I'm fine. I'm by myself and know I won't drink. I'm confident that I won't drink tomorrow or the next day either. However, in two weeks when I'm on vacation, chances are I will drink. I really want to get to a point to where I can be around people who drink and not drink myself. I know most people here probably wouldn't find that advisable, but as pathetic as this sounds I really don't know anybody else. I don't want to just sit at home by myself for the rest of my life.
Anyway, thanks for listening. Here I am at day one again. Tomorrow, I hope to double it, and on Wednesday, I hope to triple it!!
Ortho.
Needless to say, I drank over the 4th of July. Naturally, being in from out of town, the places they want to go are the bars and restuarants. I had no problem with that, and actually didn't drink while at the bars the first night. However, when we got back to my apartment I had a few drinks while we were sitting outside. After I had a few, I wanted to keep drinking. This is again an example of how I'm okay if I don't start drinking, but once I do have a drink, I'm much more tempted to want a second, third, fifth, tenth, etc. That is exactly what happened. I had not seen these people in awhile, and myself and one other guy stayed up very late, and I drank the whole time while we talked. After he went to bed, I kept on drinking.
The next two days it was basically the same thing. I didn't drink much during the day, but once we got back to my place I started and drank a fair amount. It became easy to convince myself that this was a special occassion and once they left I'd quit again.
They left, and I quit again. One night after work I had one beer with a few friends at a bar, but until this past weekend that was really it.
Then this past weekend rolled around, I told myself again that I could meet up with friends and have just one beer just as I'd done before. It was Saturday night, a buddy came over to watch a soccer game (yes, I'm a soccer fan), and I had a beer with him. This time I didn't stop. We drank until what he brought over was gone, then we went out and drank some more, and bought some more. I basically woke up the next morning at my apartment, starting having a few again, and became hungry. I didn't want to drive anywhere because I had been drinking, so I had food delivered late in the afternoon. While I was eating I told myself that I needed to quit again, and go to bed. That was yesterday, so here I am back at square one.
So, if I'm keeping score, the bad, but not so badthings about what's happened are that I didn't put myself in a dangerous situation (ie drinking and driving). I took steps to avoid this. That was always my biggest fear because I cannot imagine having to go through a situation where I either get busted for DUI, or worse, and when I was drunk I always thought that I was okay. I was also able to stop myself yesterday after having several drinks. That's not something I'm always able to do. In fact, it's something that I'm RARELY able to do.
Of course, the bad news here is that I drank again when I didn't want to, and I feel bad about that. When I quit the first time, I made it about 12 days, which isn't long, but it was long enough for me to identify that I liked not drinking. I felt a sense of accomplishment, I had more energy, and I felt like I was just all around better off for it. Even the night I just had the one beer I felt like I'd let myself down somewhat. I felt that way even more after the weekend.
I'm also faced with having to deal with the social aspect of drinking. Although I consider most of my friends to be responsible drinkers, they are still drinkers. I don't know very many people that don't drink at least a little bit, and the people I do know I don't associate with all that much in social situations. It makes it more difficult when I'm around them to not drink. Tonight I'm fine. I'm by myself and know I won't drink. I'm confident that I won't drink tomorrow or the next day either. However, in two weeks when I'm on vacation, chances are I will drink. I really want to get to a point to where I can be around people who drink and not drink myself. I know most people here probably wouldn't find that advisable, but as pathetic as this sounds I really don't know anybody else. I don't want to just sit at home by myself for the rest of my life.
Anyway, thanks for listening. Here I am at day one again. Tomorrow, I hope to double it, and on Wednesday, I hope to triple it!!
Ortho.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Hi Ortho,
I'm glad you're back.
I could not be around alcohol and people who were drinking for a long time when I stopped drinking. I tried it and it didn't work for me. Early recovery is a time of big change, and I think it involves making a lot of hard choices.
I'm glad you're back.
I could not be around alcohol and people who were drinking for a long time when I stopped drinking. I tried it and it didn't work for me. Early recovery is a time of big change, and I think it involves making a lot of hard choices.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 237
I really think you need to surround yourself with people who will support you and maybe stay away from those who are drinking for awhile.
Its been almost 30 days for me (tommorow) and I can honestly say that I have never felt better. I have been distracting myself with excersise and delicious healthy foods, movies etc.
BUT I can say... I probably wouldnt have made it this far if I hadnt had the loving support of my husband who has also decided to live the sober life with me. When I do have a craving and think that I can maybe have a few, he reminds me that we do not want the life we used to live (Drunken BBQs, late night drinking, hangovers, hating myself and him etc) and that it will only lead me back down that road. If you do not have anyone who can be that support for you maybe a sponsor would help?
All I know is that trying to do it on your own is HARD. You need someone to remind you why you quit in the first place... I guess HERE is a good place for you. We will remind you
Its been almost 30 days for me (tommorow) and I can honestly say that I have never felt better. I have been distracting myself with excersise and delicious healthy foods, movies etc.
BUT I can say... I probably wouldnt have made it this far if I hadnt had the loving support of my husband who has also decided to live the sober life with me. When I do have a craving and think that I can maybe have a few, he reminds me that we do not want the life we used to live (Drunken BBQs, late night drinking, hangovers, hating myself and him etc) and that it will only lead me back down that road. If you do not have anyone who can be that support for you maybe a sponsor would help?
All I know is that trying to do it on your own is HARD. You need someone to remind you why you quit in the first place... I guess HERE is a good place for you. We will remind you
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'd got to the point where my sobriety was life or death for me.
I laid my cards on the the table.
I had to leave those friends who couldn't, or wouldn't, understand that behind.
I missed some of them for a while but I don't regret my decision.
The friends who stayed with me and supported me I treasure dearly.
You have to decide whats most important Ortho.
D
I laid my cards on the the table.
I had to leave those friends who couldn't, or wouldn't, understand that behind.
I missed some of them for a while but I don't regret my decision.
The friends who stayed with me and supported me I treasure dearly.
You have to decide whats most important Ortho.
D
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
I stayed far away from people who drink, and situations where drinking was the prime objective (bars, clubs, etc). At first I even went only to restaurants that didn't serve alcohol, they're out there, they are the one's I always avoided because they didn't serve alcohol lol.. Lots of folks around here will talk about changing up your playgrounds and playmates.. it's true. It's a live change, abstinence from alcohol and truly living sober are very different things. I still prefer not to be around anyone that's drinking, it's annoying anyways.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
