ive just had enough!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: cheshire, uk
Posts: 14
ive just had enough!!!
im new to this board so thanks for taking the time to read my post and offer support.
i have realised for a long time that i drink too much beer. i have often wondered if im alcoholic but have always thought "no way". ive reached the point where im now thinking this has to stop before im killed or kill someone else.
my mother is a practising jehovahs witness, as was i, but is an alcoholic. she has been like this for many years now. when i was a jw we told our elder leaders to help her but the didnt want to know.
from an early age of about 12 i would often go to the local shop for my mums beer. the owner knew it was for my mum so he served me. at the age of 12 i could readily buy beer whenever i liked if i wished. but never did. i bought beer for myself and mates when i was about 15. it wasnt a regular event but i could easily go and get beer.
in my twenties i played football (soccer for the usa peeps) and a large part of after match socialising was going to the pub and drinking.
my weekends would start on wednesday night for football training and would finish on sunday nights after all day in the pub watching football on the big screens. i only ever stayed in on mondays and tuesday.
as i got towards my thirties i got married and settled down. the football stopped but my drinking was now in the house. i would get 6 cans a nite. about 2 or 3 times per week.
im now in my middle thirties and have decided to do something about my drinking. i can drink 5 or 6 cans a nite easily and the effects of the alcohol is getting less on me. so whilst in the shop buying my beer i would buy a small bottle of wine and drink it on the way home...just to get the first initial kick a good start. by the way, im driving whilst drinking the wine!!!!!!!!
ive also started to buy a big bottle of wine and sneek it in the house. when a beer is finished i got to the kitchen a top up with wine. my wife thinks im still drinking beer. the wine had a higher alcohol content so i get pissed more.
if my wife goes out for a night out my first thought is i can buy a small bottle of brandy or port and have this finished before she gets home. that is my ideal night. drinking alone getting very very drunk. so sat night i ahd a half bottle of port and 7 cans of stella. i was *********. but loved the feeling
sometimes i have a beer with my tea then go to the shop for beer. i will buy a big bottle of wine and take my dogs for a walk and drink the wine then drive home to start on my beer i have just bought. im probably 2 or 3 times over the legal driving limit here now. im not proud and am thoroughly ashamed. the thought of killing myself or others isnt obviously enough to prevent me drinking and driving.
i realised my problem when my son was discussing coming to stay with me in his school holidays break. hes 13. his step dad is tough on him but he loves coming to stay with me. his words were
" your a cool dad who lets me do loads but you drink".
i dont think he realised the impact the words had. iits like history repeating. i say the same things about my mum but not the cool bit cos she was mean to me. i dont want my son to think of me as a drinker. it rips me apart to think of him looking at me in the same light as i view my own mum.
i have been to an aa meet and shall return.
anyway thats my story. please feel free to comment . i like straight talk and no bullshitting. im here to get better not have my ears tickled.
dandare
i have realised for a long time that i drink too much beer. i have often wondered if im alcoholic but have always thought "no way". ive reached the point where im now thinking this has to stop before im killed or kill someone else.
my mother is a practising jehovahs witness, as was i, but is an alcoholic. she has been like this for many years now. when i was a jw we told our elder leaders to help her but the didnt want to know.
from an early age of about 12 i would often go to the local shop for my mums beer. the owner knew it was for my mum so he served me. at the age of 12 i could readily buy beer whenever i liked if i wished. but never did. i bought beer for myself and mates when i was about 15. it wasnt a regular event but i could easily go and get beer.
in my twenties i played football (soccer for the usa peeps) and a large part of after match socialising was going to the pub and drinking.
my weekends would start on wednesday night for football training and would finish on sunday nights after all day in the pub watching football on the big screens. i only ever stayed in on mondays and tuesday.
as i got towards my thirties i got married and settled down. the football stopped but my drinking was now in the house. i would get 6 cans a nite. about 2 or 3 times per week.
im now in my middle thirties and have decided to do something about my drinking. i can drink 5 or 6 cans a nite easily and the effects of the alcohol is getting less on me. so whilst in the shop buying my beer i would buy a small bottle of wine and drink it on the way home...just to get the first initial kick a good start. by the way, im driving whilst drinking the wine!!!!!!!!
ive also started to buy a big bottle of wine and sneek it in the house. when a beer is finished i got to the kitchen a top up with wine. my wife thinks im still drinking beer. the wine had a higher alcohol content so i get pissed more.
if my wife goes out for a night out my first thought is i can buy a small bottle of brandy or port and have this finished before she gets home. that is my ideal night. drinking alone getting very very drunk. so sat night i ahd a half bottle of port and 7 cans of stella. i was *********. but loved the feeling
sometimes i have a beer with my tea then go to the shop for beer. i will buy a big bottle of wine and take my dogs for a walk and drink the wine then drive home to start on my beer i have just bought. im probably 2 or 3 times over the legal driving limit here now. im not proud and am thoroughly ashamed. the thought of killing myself or others isnt obviously enough to prevent me drinking and driving.
i realised my problem when my son was discussing coming to stay with me in his school holidays break. hes 13. his step dad is tough on him but he loves coming to stay with me. his words were
" your a cool dad who lets me do loads but you drink".
i dont think he realised the impact the words had. iits like history repeating. i say the same things about my mum but not the cool bit cos she was mean to me. i dont want my son to think of me as a drinker. it rips me apart to think of him looking at me in the same light as i view my own mum.
i have been to an aa meet and shall return.
anyway thats my story. please feel free to comment . i like straight talk and no bullshitting. im here to get better not have my ears tickled.
dandare
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hi dandare. Thanks for your post. I love it when fellow Brits write on this site as we have a distinctive style and use terms that are UK specific.
You are doing the right thing giving up the booze and it's great you have joined SR and are open-minded about AA meetings.
I was drinking at a similar level to you for a binge alone ( my staple was 9 cans Stella and a few bottles of Newky Brown to finish the job!) and can relate soooo much to what you say about just being ********* and loving that feeling. you get hooked on it don't you and I remember saying to myself when I was chugging back my 3rd-4th can "How am I ever going to be able to leave you behind?"
Coming to the acceptance that I am an alcoholic and trying to engrain into my mind that drinking is not an option for me, really helps. Also the saying "one day at a time" - if you don't take that first drink then you can't get drunk, sounds simple but it works. I cannot only drink one and I fully realise that 'normal' drinkers are not forming the same "romantic-bond" with alcohol that I am when I am drinking it. it's like I fall in love with a beautiful women who will show me a good time for a while and then spit me out and leave me wrecked and demoralised.
I remember when I first attempted to quit booze that I felt like a best friend had died and I was mourning their loss, i don't feel the sadness like that anymore but feel empowered as I know that I am so much happier in reality without the booze and I feel pride and confidence in myself. Like you say it is a horrible feeling when people start to view you as a drunk. Very lonely. I began to experience that too. I have sooo much more too offer than that!
I got done drink driving and lost my license for 2 years, I can legally drive again in 3 days!!wooohoo. I have no money or a job but thats another story!haha. losing your license is really crap mate so your best out before that happens, The last 2 years have been some of the worst in my life tbh, very depressing not being able to drive when you spent 1000's learning to drive and getting car etcetc.
Things are looking good for me though as long as I stay away from that first drink.
All the best mate and like I say, it's good to have anohter Englishman on the boards as the relationship with alcohol in the UK is definately very different from that in the USA.
You are doing the right thing giving up the booze and it's great you have joined SR and are open-minded about AA meetings.
I was drinking at a similar level to you for a binge alone ( my staple was 9 cans Stella and a few bottles of Newky Brown to finish the job!) and can relate soooo much to what you say about just being ********* and loving that feeling. you get hooked on it don't you and I remember saying to myself when I was chugging back my 3rd-4th can "How am I ever going to be able to leave you behind?"
Coming to the acceptance that I am an alcoholic and trying to engrain into my mind that drinking is not an option for me, really helps. Also the saying "one day at a time" - if you don't take that first drink then you can't get drunk, sounds simple but it works. I cannot only drink one and I fully realise that 'normal' drinkers are not forming the same "romantic-bond" with alcohol that I am when I am drinking it. it's like I fall in love with a beautiful women who will show me a good time for a while and then spit me out and leave me wrecked and demoralised.
I remember when I first attempted to quit booze that I felt like a best friend had died and I was mourning their loss, i don't feel the sadness like that anymore but feel empowered as I know that I am so much happier in reality without the booze and I feel pride and confidence in myself. Like you say it is a horrible feeling when people start to view you as a drunk. Very lonely. I began to experience that too. I have sooo much more too offer than that!
I got done drink driving and lost my license for 2 years, I can legally drive again in 3 days!!wooohoo. I have no money or a job but thats another story!haha. losing your license is really crap mate so your best out before that happens, The last 2 years have been some of the worst in my life tbh, very depressing not being able to drive when you spent 1000's learning to drive and getting car etcetc.
Things are looking good for me though as long as I stay away from that first drink.
All the best mate and like I say, it's good to have anohter Englishman on the boards as the relationship with alcohol in the UK is definately very different from that in the USA.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 15
glad you are here for help. i am new to this also, and the support and love you will get here is amazing. you do have a problem, but the great thing is that you have identified it. keep talking and we will keep listening. you're not alone and you have plenty of friends here!
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Welcome Dandare.
You sound like you are ready to quit and it won't be easy.
If you do feel the need to drink I urge you not to drink and drive.
I lost my license for DUI and had to take a course.
That was in 1986. Part of the course consisted of listening to people's stories that had their lives ruined by a drunk driver.
One of the speakers was a parapalegic and since that point I have never driven drunk again.
I kept drinking until this year but I have never driven after having one drink since then.
You can beat this thing.
Good luck.
You sound like you are ready to quit and it won't be easy.
If you do feel the need to drink I urge you not to drink and drive.
I lost my license for DUI and had to take a course.
That was in 1986. Part of the course consisted of listening to people's stories that had their lives ruined by a drunk driver.
One of the speakers was a parapalegic and since that point I have never driven drunk again.
I kept drinking until this year but I have never driven after having one drink since then.
You can beat this thing.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
dandare, so glad you're here. Your post really had me, totally relate and you seem like you've had enough. I also had a mother who used and drank and she never had time for my sister and I, but she sure had plenty of time to get high/drunk. It was hard for me to look at myself and realize I was no better than my own mother and my kids deserve so much better than that. 
So many wonderful people who have been through what you're going through now. Tons of support and lot's of insight.
Welcome to SR!!
So many wonderful people who have been through what you're going through now. Tons of support and lot's of insight.
Welcome to SR!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: England
Posts: 1,733
Welcome dandare to SR. I can relate to much of what you say-the many nights on the Stella (aka "wife beater") and a few nights in the cells as well. I was also prone to slipping in spirits and extra booze whenever possible also.
Make sure you have other things to fill your time, I try and keep occupied with my kids and I get plenty of exercise. I also joined the library and read loads now as well.
Best wishes and make those changes.
Make sure you have other things to fill your time, I try and keep occupied with my kids and I get plenty of exercise. I also joined the library and read loads now as well.
Best wishes and make those changes.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Welcome! I didn't stop drinking til my kids were all grown unfortunately. I was still the "cool mom", but my children all were exposed to heavy alcohol use throughout their lives, and are not unaffected. I am glad you decided to quit while your son is still so young.
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