sandrawg

It's been a little over 2 weeks since me and the xabf broke up, and no contact since that time.

He has this stupid Facebook profile where he just rants about how much he hates everything. I have had trouble letting go of the desire to check it and see whom he is friending. At first I blocked him, then I was curious, and of course, it was a bunch of pothead/drinking people he used to live with...but then I noticed his exgf was on his friends list.

This made me feel a whole bunch of things...you see, he saw her behind my back when we were together, then hooked up with her the first time I broke up w/him for doing cocaine. Then 2 months later came crawling back to me, and we fought because 1) he had lied about the nature of their hookup and 2) he dragged his feet on getting rid of her when we got back together.

Long story short, he said a bunch of horrible things about her, about how he DIDN'T want her in his life (typical alcoholic disparity between "What they say" and "what they do"!!), how he just used her for sex...when I pointed out she must've been hurt by the way he treated her, he said GOOD.

So...it's interesting to me that he is trying to worm his way back into her life again. In a sense it's good for me to see this, because it just shows even further what a liar and a manipulator he is, and I'm glad he's out of my life. But on the other hand, it makes me disgusted at the pit of my stomach-he's such a game-player, and I'm having trouble shaking off the anger this is inspiring.

I realize it's my own fault-I should've just kept his stupid profile blocked. I'm not at the point where I can just, NOT care what he does, and I am not sure how to get to that point, Is it just time? I mean, why am I tempted to check up on his stupid profile?

I just want to let go of his lying, manipulative, disgusting self.

Freedom1990

Once I got serious about my codependency issues, and started taking an honest look at myself, I was no longer a victim. I was a volunteer.

I know I had a terrible habit of self-sabotaging any good feelings I might be having, and would find myself volunteering for more emotional chaos in one form or another.

When you get sick and tired of the crappy emotions you get from doing things like looking at his facebook profile, then you'll quit, no?

I found that as time went on, despite unhealthy urges that I would get, I would literally force myself to do something else (as in healthy action) like call my sponsor or journal.

ItsmeAlice

If your serious about wanting to stay away from contact with him than his facebook page should be included as contact. You can block specific pages from your browser using your firewall. You can also use password protection on your computer (have someone else make the password so you're not tempted to remember and use it) to block you from viewing such sites.

For me, part of letting go of certain things that I don't want in my life...smoking, certain foods, certain people, credit cards....whatever. Things that I just can't be healthy even using or visiting with just now have to remain no access/no contact. I have a shredder for junk mail, and I use it liberally. I have caller ID and call block, and I employ them.

Get serious about your emotional health because you are worth it!!!!!!

With love,

Alice

sandrawg

Thanks, Alice. Yeah-I changed my phone number, and blocked his email, but his stupid facebook profile was the one area I was still "checking up" on. I was having a great weekend, then I saw that and it brought back all the horrible hurt I put up with, because of his enduring rel'ship with this girl. I re-blocked his profile and am going to stay away from any reference to him whatsoever in the future.

Cynay

Love your conviction in this and honestly the only thing that worked for me was no contact and that included my staying away from him as well and not checking up on what was going on in his life.

One thing that might help a little is maybe doing a little research on Alcoholics. When I was new to the program and about 6 months into it, my sponsor asked me to start attending weekly AA meetings as well as my Al-anon meetings..... BOY what an eye opener that was. His drinking really is not about you, and neither is his seeking out another Co-dependent enablier. Its not about her, his feelings for her or you.... It is all about the addiction and the tools he needs (including an enablier) to continue with the addiction. Going to AA meetings and learning to understand the disease helped me make what happened less personal and in doing that I learned compassion and also some tools to protect myself in the future.

*hugs* dont beat yourself up for slipping though.... boy if I counted the number of times I stalked before I found recovery.... sheesh.

luciddreamrgrl

Hi Sandra!

You really shouldn't do this to yourself. I know the temptation. Trust me, I have been tempted many times. I have googled his name a few times just to make sure he didn't make the news for whatever reason. STUPID! lol.

Anyways, you were strong enough to block him from your phone and email. The rest will just come with time. Build on that strength next time you think about it.

I hope all is going well for you otherwise.