FreeBird09

Hi everyone.. I met this super fantastic man a month ago. We have talked and talked and... talked. I had made a list up of all the qualities, attributes, characteristics that I MUST HAVE in a man and he meets and exceeds every one of them. Tomorrow is our first official 'date'.. and to say the least I am nervous, excited, and tearful. (I say tearful because to me it is an end to an era, and a possible beginning to a future). Not one red flag has popped up over the last 30 days, so I am stepping out of my 'box'.

I have been 'alone' for a year now and I am pretty balanced in my expectations, but would love any advice for all of my family here at SR.

Gypsy Feet

Have fun! Allow yourself happiness. Trust the skills you have gained. Being cautious is good, be being loved is wonderful.

FreeBird09

Gypsy, thank you for the post. I am trusting what I have learnt, and what I haven't learnt yet, I will come here and ask. This is a HUGE step for me.

NYC_Chick

YAY!!! Have fun and don't put too many expectations on it! I only say this because when I started dating again, I tending to think everyone was good for me. They were not, but I learned through that to trust my new healthy skills. I am still happily dating several people, with one more special than all the others. Like yours, no red flags and meets the check list.

Also, take it SLOW. My therapist told me about the concept of false-starts. What she means by this is that when things go slow you see everything you need to, too fast you miss things and end up with unhealthy people. It's really working for me to go very slow!!!

FreeBird09

NYC Chick.. thank you. I am taking it slow.. that is why we just talked for the last month. How do you date many people at once? My experience with men is not much. I went from my xhusband to my axbf, this break in being involved with anyone was a choice I made so I don't choose the same type of man. I don't think that for me, dating a few men at a time would work. I like the concept. I was interested in someone right after my xabf left, I got to know him as a friend, and seen that he is a drinker. I am so thankful that I didn't get 'involved' any deeper.

I am going to have a blast. I deserve it. If it doesn't go anywhere then where it is now, I am ok with it.

GiveLove

FreeBird, hugs to you. What a fun adventure this will be.

No advice that you don't know already:
Take it VERY slowly.
Know what your vision is for your life - with or without a romantic partner - and defend it
Revisit your boundaries every single day and know when they're being crossed
Revisit your red flags list often
Be alert to any decisions you make that are made out of fear ("if I say that, he'll.....")
Share with us when it helps you...and ponder those times when you hesitate to share
Have fun

You deserve the best life has to offer

NYC_Chick

Freebird: Dating many men is not that hard. I'm on a dating service. I'm not committed to anyone right now, so if someone asks me out, I go. If we continue to talk and they ask me out again, I go if I think there is potential. It's been a lot of fun and I've had the chance to learn from a lot of the people I've met. I should also add, this type of dating lots of people is not uncommon in NYC. I don't want to do it forever, but it's good for me right now.

Like you, I've been in relationship after relationship. Either they were emotionally unavailable, addicts or alcoholics. I know the reasons I picked them now and I've learned to say no when I see a red flag.

Have lots of fun!!!

FreeBird09

GiveLove, thank you for the advice. I am keeping my eyes on my goals, as you say: with or without a romantic relationship. That is first and foremost in my mind. I am going to take this as 'casual' as possible, and share here at SR when it feels as if I am going 'under'. I will share the good stuff too. I am pretty excited. I do deserve the best (thank you for reminding me), I worked so hard to be where I am at. I am a little afraid of letting someone 'in', but I am willing to give it a go with the knowledge that I can make it without the person. I feel that gives me a bit of a court advantage, as now I know I just WANT to try this out, not that I feel the NEED to.

NYC Chick, I never considered where you live. Ah the opportunities to see different men are abundant for you. I am more rural, so the pick of the litter is small. ;-) I still will not settle, if I have to I will continue on my journey alone. I like it alone. (Never thought I would say that a year ago!!)