dabears34

Slipped up the other night and ended up having about 2 bottles of wine over the course of an evening and into the wee hours. It was about 5am and my mind was racing and I couldnt fall asleep. I was prescribed Xanax for anxiety/panic attacks about a month ago, but have considered them a last resort and have only taken it once. So I took a couple to help me calm down and damn, it knocked me out for literally about a day and a half. I slept all day yesterday, was up for a few hours in the evening, then slept through the night, then took a nap this afternoon! Still groggy... it was a dumb thing to do and I certainly don't plan on doing it again... I might keep one on me for emergencies and either flush the rest or lock them up somewhere. Anyway, Trying not to be too hard on myself for the slip up, it could have been much worse (I could have woke up yesterday and just started drinking again, which is normally what i would do during a slip up)... anyway, just wanted to come here and confess, thanks for listening...

Fubarcdn

It is good that you did not fall back into your old habits of continuing drinking.
It sounds like you are making some progress although I am sure it is not what you had hoped for.
This time will be better.
Good luck.

Rowan

I used to drink that way - but I would intentionally throw back a couple drinks and a couple of pills so I could 'sleep'. Dangerous. I also got hooked on those little pills after not having had a drink for damn near two years.

If you don't want to keep repeating the pattern of 'slipping' examine your motives, and think about why you drank in the first place. Sometimes, what we call a 'slip' is oftentimes a choice. When I gave up drinking, I gave up my old friends, old haunts, old habits, etc. I wanted a different life, so I had to change everything. I'm glad I did - it's undoubtedly been hard work, but well worth the effort.

smacked

Ouch.. thanks for the reminder of how awful all that is!

Glad you're back.

dabears34

You're right, I'm referring to it as a "slip up", but it for certain was a conscious choice. I was in a situation that is a highly powerful "trigger" for me... combined with the fact that I had a really great day and was proud of myself for several things, I wanted to reward myself, and got the idea in my head "F&%$ it, I'm getting hammered tonight." and that was it and I could think of nothing else. I have been practicing rewarding myself with other, reasonable things, but everything still pales in comparison. Once I had made the decision and was on my way to the liquor store, I felt giddy and was as happy as a little kid on Christmas morning. It was fun, and I enjoyed it (well, losing the day and a half after sucked balls) and am trying to focus on doing real, reasonable things the rest of the weekend, instead of thinking "Hey, that wasn't too bad, I could do that again tonight!"

MycoolFitz

Maybe it wasn't the Xanax as much as Xanex after relapse? I was prescribed Xanax in recovery as a temprary bandaid, the lesser of two evils given my drinking. How did you "slip up" and end up having 2 bottles of wine? Where were you emotionally, physically, spiritually? Our mind usually prearranges our slips it just doesn't always bother to inform the rest of us. As much as possible stay in the moment, focused and aware. When your mind whispers to you just tell it thanks but no thanks. You don't necessarily have control over your cravings, although there are strategies (like picking up the phone) resources and even prescribed anticraving meds. You do have control, believe it or not, over your picking up. Exercise it. Exercise is good for the constitution.

Anna

As Rowan said, examining your motives is always a good idea.

It sounds like you have good perspective on what happened, so hopefully you can learn from this experience and move forward!

dabears34

I'm just kinda down right now... I've been dealing with OCD for years, finally started taking medication for it, but I have developed such avoidant behavior (i.e. most outing/social events) and the ones I could and did want to go to, I felt comfortable because I could drink. Now that I am trying to quit (or at least get it back to a normal social level), I now avoid those situations to... to the point where I was sitting here today thinking "Wow, I really have no life right now." I'm more excited at the thought of sitting at home with a couple bottles of vino, than hanging around my friends, etc. I just feel like I've cornered myself here and I don't know how to make it better. I want to get back into a routine of being social (and dating possibly?!) but I feel like the most important thing to do is to change my relationship with alcohol first, cause I get so out of control with it at times. I feel pretty ok in general, not really depressed or anything, its just that my social life is the worst its ever been. I have been in the habit of trying and making plans, but then I'll get worked up about having a panic attack or drinking and getting so totally blotto i can't function the next day, so I usually will make plans then cancel them at the last minute. I got tired of disappointing people all the time, so I have recently just stopped making plans. The few times I have gone out and been social, turned into two day benders, where I hated myself for days afterwards for being such a lush! Anyway, I'm just rambling now... I just want things to get better.

tommyk

Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. Welcome back to sobriety.

Thank you for acknowledging that is was a choice to drink, rather than a 'slip up'... I especially feel this is important for newcomers to realize - there are no 'slip-ups', just a conscious willing choice to drink or not to drink.

Perhaps try and find some activities to fill up your time?

AA/NA people make great social circle friends.