remedy

this is my first post here. my uncle jimmy abuses alcohol & refuses to admit that he has a problem. He's had bleeding ulcers & now has cirrhosis of the liver. and still when he goes in for a check up... he says to everyone that the doctors say "he is in good shape," which is a total lie obviously. but to me, he opened up and said that the doctors say that it doesn't matter what he does now.

i don't know how to help him because he is so sick already. my whole family... home family & extended family... has turned their backs on him. his wife even left him right after he had surgery & now he is too sick to work. it's a complete mess. i'm mad at them because they're not doing anything to help him. is there anything i can do for him?

Pelican

Dear remedy,

I am very sorry about your uncle. It is obvious from your post that you are a caring and compassionate person. Those are beautiful qualities. I'm sure your uncle felt comfortable confiding in you because he sees your genuine concern. Please continue to offer him your love and prayers. That is really the only thing you can do for him now.

I had a friend who suffered from the disease of alcoholism. His health began to deteriorate. He didn't tell his wife, children or friends about his health problems. He also didn't let everyone know how much he was drinking. His disease had progressed to the point that he had to drink daily, all day to keep from going into severe withdrawals. In an effort to conceal his condition and the truth, he became mean and nasty to his wife and friends. He was pushing everyone away.

His wife divorced him. He moved into an apartment and quit working. He went to see his brother (a doctor) in another state. His brother told him the same thing your uncle heard from his doctor. My friend chose to spend the rest of his shortened life, isolated from his friends and family and continued to drink. We prayed for him, spoke to him a few times, brought him some meals too. In the end, the disease took his life. During the final weeks of his life, he did confess his condition to his ex-wife and she explained it to the children. They were in 2nd and 5th grades when their father died from alcoholism.

There wasn't anything anyone could have said or done to help him in the early days of the disease. Just as there wasn't anything anyone could have said or done in the end stages of the disease. He tolerated a few visits, but he really just wanted to be left alone. It is sad. It is really sad to a young, compassionate soul like yourself, because you have a beautiful life ahead of you full of choices.

The best you can do is honor your uncle and let him live his life as he has chosen. He is an adult and has made some adult decisions that have left him alone. You can let him know that he is loved. I'm sure that will bring him comfort to know that you care. Please take care of yourself!

Bernadette

You could find the number to local AA and hand it to him and say there are many here who could help you, who have been where you've been.

And then you kind of just have to let it go. It's still his choice, no matter how rough shape he's in, it still has to be something he turns his own heart towards doing.

Try not to be too hard on the relatives who have had to walk away. It can seriously damage your mental health to keep trying to help an alcoholic and to keeo riding that rollercoaster when they refuse to get help. No one should be forced to have a front row seat to their loved one's self-destruction.

Keep reading around here - there's so much good information on this board!
peace-
b

remedy

yes that's exactly what my uncle is doing too. he is mean to his brothers and sisters and spends his time alone. i know that he knows deep down that he wants help, whether he ever chooses to admit it or not. he just doesn't believe in himself. i don't think he wants to try because he has permanently damaged his body. i will get the number for AA. i appreciate yall's replies.