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learning to "turn it over" to my HP, whoever that is

Old 07-15-2009, 09:40 AM
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Question learning to "turn it over" to my HP, whoever that is

Since I grew up in a church-going, God-believing family I think of God when I think of a HP. But I'm having a hard time lately having faith in God. Maybe cause I have so little faith in myself, I don't know.

Many people here talk about (and practice) "turning it over" to their HP when they have problems or issues beyond their control. I often feel like my whole life is 'beyond my control', yet that's not really accurate. I have free will and the intelligence (I hope) to deal with life, make decisions, and act in my best interest.

There are many issues in my life that seem insurmountable. Severe depression and anxiety and bipolar episodes that make me feel 'out of control'. I can only do my best and leave the rest up to God... but my faith is weak and it's hard for me to "let go" of issues.

I'm just wondering if others have this problem, and have trouble 'letting go' of things beyond their control. How did you manage to 'let it go' to your HP? Was it a sudden realization or a gradual understanding?

I just feel so lost and afraid and really want to be able to 'turn it over' to God and rest in the assurance that He will take care of me. I don't feel worthy of His care and love and am afraid that my best is just not good enough.

How do you "turn it over"? I need instruction in 'turning it over'. How do I do it??
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:05 AM
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Least... I'm not being mean or comical...

... but I often tell people that I grew up beliving in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, as well as the Catholic (no offense) version of God & religion.

As recovering adults we need to re-assess our understanding of the Higher Power (and/or God) as we see things now. Not as we have seen them before?

Maybe try to re-define your Higher Power (God) as you accept Him, now, in a loving and caring way.

Turning it over is HARD... but do you honestly think you've reached this point in your life due to your own control of things?

For me.. I would have been dead a long time ago... my Higher Power (God) provides for me, and I think he has something in store for me.

(Maybe my purpose for being alive is to carry this message?)
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:16 AM
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I think the 12 and 12 talks about it pretty well...

Willingness is the key. Use it to open the door. The door may close again, but next time you open that door, it opens wider and more readily. You just have to try and try.

I let go when I couldn't comprehend what it was that my life was going to be like... or if I got agitated trying to think my way through my life, especially my life in sobriety. It was too much for me... So I just trust that God must have a plan, so I need to get out of the lead, get behind Him and ask Him "How can I help you?" "What's the next right thing that I must do?"... like one day at a time, the next right thing and only that thing, then the next.

Hey, ya know... This thing, life... recovery, health, relationships... it's all bigger than me... I'm powerless, yes... not helpless... I just have to ask for Him it, and then be quiet and listen, closely.

Mark
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:29 AM
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This is my short & sweet response, I try to keep my recovery as simple as possible, anything that takes more than 30 seconds to contemplate will confuse me and I'll be lost

I can't say that I ever fully let go, or turned it over to God. Those are things I work on every day. But I knew for sure that my way wasn't working, I got tired of fighting.

And no matter how fast I ran or tried to hide, I couldn't escape the grace of God forever. I stayed sober, I prayed, I took the Steps to the best of my ability, and He revealed himself to me.
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Cubile75 View Post
I think the 12 and 12 talks about it pretty well...

Willingness is the key. Use it to open the door. The door may close again, but next time you open that door, it opens wider and more readily. You just have to try and try.

I let go when I couldn't comprehend what it was that my life was going to be like... or if I got agitated trying to think my way through my life, especially my life in sobriety. It was too much for me... So I just trust that God must have a plan, so I need to get out of the lead, get behind Him and ask Him "How can I help you?" "What's the next right thing that I must do?"... like one day at a time, the next right thing and only that thing, then the next.

Hey, ya know... This thing, life... recovery, health, relationships... it's all bigger than me... I'm powerless, yes... not helpless... I just have to ask for Him it, and then be quiet and listen, closely.

Mark
Awesome, Mark.

Thanks for the question, Least.
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:33 AM
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I am envious of those who can easily "turn it over" as my faith is so weak as to be nonexistant. I am trying, one day at a time, to learn to "let go" but it's so hard at first...
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:40 AM
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least....

Im there along with you.... i go to my meetings and read and hope it will just come.... trying to find the answers has got me nowhere but confused and agitated...
Im trying now to be at peace with my questions and let whatever is going to happen happen... if that makes sense

But i am still waiting.... i have the rest of my life ahead of me for the answers to come..

be gentle with yourself
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:41 AM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
How do you "turn it over"? I need instruction in 'turning it over'. How do I do it??
I still have no idea what that means. Look at where that slogan comes from, out of the book. It's right from Step 3. How do I turn my will and my life over after making the decision to do so?

"Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted."

That's it, least. That's what you do.

Originally Posted by least View Post
I just feel so lost and afraid and really want to be able to 'turn it over' to God and rest in the assurance that He will take care of me. I don't feel worthy of His care and love and am afraid that my best is just not good enough.
That's the whole point. Your best isn't good enough. My best isn't good enough. Lack of power is our dilemma. I had to have a power by which I could live, but where was I to find this power?

In that housecleaning suggested, it talks about the source of all our fears. I feel lost and afraid because my self reliance has failed me. When I'm faced with a tough spot (or just daily life) I have real doubts that I'm going to be able to pull it off. I might screw it up. That's the source of my fears.

By going through the process (steps), I developed faith. I've learned, through my own awakening and experience, that it is not my job to take care of myself. It's my job to be useful to others.

So, everyday, I have to make that decision. Am I going to try and take care of myself today, or am I going to focus on my real purpose? If I decide to focus on helping others (even in my job), then I've already turned it over. I remind myself constantly throughout the day, Thy will be done.

I love recovery. I truly love it.
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:41 AM
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There are 4 words on pg. 14 in the Big Book.......Simple, but not easy.

They sound almost like a contradiction. But it's true, this is very hard, it goes against everything I did while I drank, kicking and fighting, leaving claw marks on everyone and everything.

It is simple though, the 12 Steps are the easier, softer way.
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:43 AM
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Turing my will and my life to the care of my Higher Power means that I align my will and life with my Higher Power. In addiction I had become an example of "self will run amok" with my choices to satisfy my diseased thinking. My "will" was determined to make addiction work in spite of all the negative consequences addiction brought upon me. Aligning my will to my HP still means I have choices to make, a "free will", yet my choices are guided by following an addiction treatment plan. That is to say as long as I follow a spiritual path laid out by my HP, my decision making is guided by a power greater than I could do by myself alone.
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Old 07-15-2009, 10:54 AM
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Least...

Lot's of good stuff here... thanx for this topic. McGowdog has a thread going over in the 12 step forum "Step 2:God". There is some good stuff being posted there too... check it out.

BTW, I claim spiritual progress not perfection... some days I have to remind myself to let go. You said you were envious of people who could easily turn it over... it is just that it's EASIER to do that, it's just a tough journey to that realization. a journey you are making now .

Mark
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Old 07-15-2009, 03:11 PM
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I have trouble believing a HP has time for me, or that I have a right to ask for things too honey. I practice with my child first. She was the first thing I "let go". The girls on the codie thread helped me to realize that my daughter is loved by God. She has her own path in life, and I can't change it or take it away from her.

Maybe if you start the focus believing your HP is looking after your kids because the are beautiful to the universe, it will open a door for you as well.

I also look for the signs that something greater than myself is at work here. This weekend a saw a million stars in the sky, and it was so amazing it brought me to tears.
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Old 07-15-2009, 03:19 PM
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Keith kinda nails it, what it means from the Big Book, but people also use the phrase "turn over" to mean they turn over their problems, I think it they mean they stop trying to control things and just trust. This could be trust in your HP or trust that by doing your best things will work out, like a karma thing, what you give out you tend to receive. To me, that fits step 3 anyway, it is teh same thing really.

So, because it is step 3...I am tempted to advise you get a sponsor and start at step 1.
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Old 07-15-2009, 03:23 PM
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For me least, when I started all this I had no HP at all - turning it over in recovery terms meant for me realising it wasn't all up to me. I wasn't responsible for everything.

I used to think if I didn't do it, it most likely wouldn't get done - or not properly at any rate. And the stress of that - the self imposed stress - kept me drunk for many years.

Letting go of all that helped me in my recovery. I do what I can, then I ask for help on the things I need to do, but can't manage alone.

And I let others deal with their issues. That's their learning curve - I have my own.

I saw that things really did still turn out - and I was freed up and able to focus fully on the responsibilities that really were mine to fulfill.

At least that's the plan LOL - I still 'revert' from time to time, but I'm workin' on it

And, in my case, even tho I started this as a hardened secular cynic, in the course of my journey and 'letting go', 'letting things be' - I did rediscover my faith

D
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Old 07-15-2009, 03:41 PM
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I've asked that question myself: What does it mean to turn my will and my life over to the care of God? And how do I do that?

So the first time I asked this, someone told me to follow the instructions, work the steps, and trust others with my recovery. That is my action in turning it over. Pretty simple, yet not easy, but possible.

Today, turning it over to me means more than turning over my problems to God or the things I can't seem to handle. Not seeing God as my waste basket. But it means to me to turn everything over: my problems, my fears, my happiness, my joys, the way I am, the way I act, ALL OF IT, because all of it is my will and my life.
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Old 07-15-2009, 03:43 PM
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That's just the thing: I want to rediscover my faith but it's been buried under fear and doubt for a long time.

This may sound silly, but I want to have faith in God like my dogs have faith in me. They just 'know' I'll take care of them. I want to "just know" God will take care of me when I can't care for myself.

I'm tired of feeling lost and afraid and confused. I'm looking for a sponsor now but haven't yet found anyone I think would/could sponsor me. I want to feel 'worthy' of someone's love, be it God or a sponsor or anyone.
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Old 07-15-2009, 03:48 PM
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You are worthy tho - even if you always don't feel it.
Maybe thats where the faith comes in

Just trust that - you're worthy

Do the next right thing...thats all you need worry about - everything else just... happens.

D
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Old 07-15-2009, 04:29 PM
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Originally Posted by steamvessel View Post
I'm not qualified to answer this at all, but I thought I would offer my support. Least we are very similar in that we have been here for a while, had long periods of success, several relapses, and we keep coming back and trying again.
steam, it's your experience in recovery that definitely qualifies you to share on the topic
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Old 07-15-2009, 06:50 PM
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Part of the problem I have with "turning it over" is that not all my 'problems' can be 'turned over' as they are my responsibility alone. Such as dk (youngest daughter) making irresponsible choices and my having to 'come to her rescue' over her poor judgement. How do I turn my worry over her behavior over to my HP when I will be called upon to "fix things" when she's acted foolishly?

I feel like I need a 'bolt of lightning' to get me out of this worrying cycle.
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Old 07-15-2009, 08:22 PM
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Hi Least,
Thanks for the thought provoking post. There are many honest replies.

When I read your original post, I thought maybe you needed time to re-define your HP. Create in your mind the HP of your understanding. We've seen many definitions of HP here at SR, some very spiritual and some very physical - like a tree. There is not a right or wrong definition, as long as it is of your understanding and brings you serenity.

I was also wondering if you were struggling with how do you actually 'turn it over' to the HP of your understanding. I thought I might offer this physical excercise of turning things over. Someone suggested a God box. A physical box that you put pieces of paper into. You write out your situations, concerns, worry's, issues or problems and them over to your HP by putting them into your HP box. I've actually done this several times when I catch myself in obsessive thinking about a situation. I keep rolling it over and over in my mind till I think I am gonna go insane. So I write it out and put it into that box. (my purse was my box one day at work) I leave it there. I don't take it back out and worry over it any more that day.

I see from your last post, about your dk, that sometimes she is the cause of your worry. That you are called upon to fix her mis-judgements. I'm getting a little better about handling these types of crisis in my personal life. I'm learning that I don't have to save the world by 3:00 p.m. I can wait until at least 8 p.m. in most cases!

It really has helped me to ask myself this question when I am called upon to "fix it". Do I have to solve this by 3 p.m. today? Usually the answer is no, I do not. Then I can take the time I need to stop and listen to the whole story and consider options. I now understand that if my kid makes a mess, I don't have to stop my life and solve it immediately. There will be exceptions, but they are becoming less frequent. By giving myself more time to think through the situation, I also can decide to turn it over and let my HP solve the mess.
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