determined1

It is taking a lot of courage to even type this message. I have drank on and off for all of my adult life, but since my divorce 4 years ago, it has progressively gotten worse, I drink to drown my sorrows. I was married for 18 years and he left for someone else and has never looked back, only sees the kids about 1 time a year and money problems knock on my door every day... I know my drinking has become a problem because I promise myself every day that I wont drink that night and I inevitably stop by the store and pick up a bottle of wine. I seem more depressed when I drink, and I know this...but still do it. I am in a relationship and he told me 2 days ago that the most fun he has had with me lately is when we spent the day traveling back from a trip the other day and I didnt drink anything...it was a wakeup call for me and I dont want to drink anymore...I am embarrassed. I dont have any family around so they dont know. My kids know I drink but not to the extent of every night. I didnt drink anything last night and woke up proud of myself...I hope to find the courage to keep it up.

citygirlalways

Glad you're here determined. I'm only on day 5 myself, so I'm a newbie too. There are lots and lots of great people on here, and they give great advice and encouragement. Please keep coming back, and keep on trying to do what you're doing! You've already made it one day!!! Yea!!!!

determined1

Thanks. I have a great guy in my life and know I am pushing him away with my drinking, I am right now trying to work up the courage to tell him I have a problem and I need his support, but I am nervous, I feel like a failure. We go to dinner a few time a week, go to the lake, sit by the pool and all of this usually involves a drink, he usually has just 1, I overindulge...I have never admitted this to anyone, I am good at hiding it, and hope that talking to someone (even if I dont know them) on this site might give me encouragement.

ogre

It is great that you are here! You will find lots of help and support here!
Good luck!

mle-sober

Determined,

You are doing a very brave thing by coming here and taking the first steps to admit your problem with alcohol. I know how incredibly hard it is. We all do. But no matter how hard it is to stop, rest assured that it would be even harder to continue. Eventually, we lose everything if we keep drinking. We are alcoholics - that's how it works. Prison, hospitals and death. The loss of loved ones and all our self respect. Taking the steps you are taking now saves you so much heartbreak.

You say you are embarrassed and you feel like a failure. But you are truly brave and heroic right now. You have every right to hold your head up high and be proud of your decision to look at your life and what you need to do. I am proud of you. I hope you will find support in your life. SR is wonderful and it's a very important part of my recovery. Everyone's recovery path looks different. I went to AA and went through treatment. I've been sober for 17 months. You can do it too. You really can.

Wishing you all of the strength and support in the world.

- mle

MycoolFitz

Hey, happy first day, great. This day is the only day we have so day by day it'll always be happy first day. You don't need to feel embarassed or ashamed, unless tou want to. You have a disease, you've diagnosed it and you've started treatment, be proud, that's more than most do. Of course even doctor's shouldn't treat themselves alone. Reach out to groups like AA, this forum, sober friends and family if you have them, professionals in the field. Of course, alcohol doesn't make us feel better in the long run, it only increases and prolongs exactly that which we wish to drink away.

Here's a message for the faithful
what is it that you cherish
to find the Way to see your nature
your nature is naturally so
what Heaven bestows is perfect
looking for proof leads you astray
leaving the trunk to search among the twigs
all you get is stupid—Han-shan
__________________________________________________ _____________________
I'm thinking you're not stupid, you're sober--today. Namaste

determined1

Thank you mle, seeing the words brave and heroic made me take a deep breath and realize I am doing the right thing. I feel like the day is going to be long, bcs I have already gotten anxious about tonight, but I know I can do it. My father was an alcoholic and so was my grandfather, I know its a disease, but it doesnt take away from the fact that I still feel ashamed that I let it take over my life. I have two great kids who need me, I feel sad that they have seen me drink as much as they have, and I want to do this for them as much as for myself. I am going to stay posted, because reading all the posts really has given me some hope, I know its only been one day, but I feel hopefull that I can kick this. Thanks again

Wolfchild

Welcome to SR & to the beginning
of a much better way to live life.

Attending 90 A.A. meetings for the first 90 days has
helped many alcoholics to achieve lasting sobriety. Why
not find out where a meeting is being held today and go?

mle-sober

One day is amazing. One day counts for a lot. It's that first day that counts for everything. Because if you don't have that first day, and then that second day - you never get to see what the third day looks like.

Don't knock DAY ONE. It matters immensely and it is sometimes the hardest day of your life.

You get full credit, in my book, for day ONE.

determined1

ok so I just had lunch with my friend and told him I "think" I have a problem, I didnt have the courage yet to say I "know". I told him I am quitting and I needed his support. Alcohol isnt important to him and he doesnt know how much I drink so he is totally supportive. He knows the only time we have problems is when I drink, so maybe he was relieved..who knows. I feel somewhat empowered today, I am feeling better as the day goes on, that I have taken the first step that I have needed to take for a long time. I need to stay strong. Talking about it really helps. Thanks for all the kind words.

mle-sober

Good for you. That took courage. And my bet is that your friend is relieved and happy to be supportive. I'm glad you are letting the hopefulness shine through! You can do this. And today - you ARE doing it. Big points!

Gypsy Feet

I hated the constant failure of waking up every morning promising myself I wouldn't drink that night, only to drink as soon as the sunset!! Thanks for the reminder. I have 6 months of sobriety and I am so grateful to all of the people on these boards, including you.

Welcome

least

Welcome to the family and welcome to sober living! It's hard work but worth the effort.

Dee74

Hi Determined1

mle is right - one day is awesome - it's so good to get that first 24 hrs behind you.
I'm really glad you're opening up here and in real life...

You can do this. I hope to see you around some more. We're always here to help

welcome!
D

rc29

Congrats on your first day. I am at six weeks and I can tell you it does get easier.
I can also tell you AA has worked wonders for me. I'm accomplishing things emotionally and spiritually that I never thought possible.
Best of luck.

Anna

Shame is a huge part of addiction and it often keeps us from seeking the help we need. I stumbled so many times because I was overwhelmed with shame. Know that this is not a character defect, it is a disease.

You will find lots of support here!

determined1

Thank you so much for the support. It is 9 oclock and although I would love a glass of wine, I dont want one and I wont have one!!. I had dinner with the kids, we are watching tv and I will go to bed and read a magazine. I am looking forward to tomorrow. Thank you again!

Hilltopper1972

Nice job! Congrats to to making it to 9pm. I always tell myself if I can make it till just 8pm I'm safe. I work during the day so I need to be solid from 5-8pm, 3 hours, totally reasonable. I broke down this weekend and ended up drinking Fri-Tue. 5 days of fairly decent consumption. Last night my body told me it was enough. Today I have been so sleepy because of that poison. It is 720pm, I have a great cup of coffee, I'll watch some tv with the kids and curl up with a book. Tell you what, I'll meet you here tomorrow night and we'll make sure were both solid.

Hill

happy2balive

Hi determined1,

You will overcome this. Its been 2 weeks for me, and I'm not looking back. I have found that the more I talk about it, the easier it has been. The first few days I would tell people I was quiting...now if they ask, I tell them that I've been using wine as a crutch and I want to quit.

Keep coming back, SR is great for support.

Just to let you know...you are worthy of happiness!!

Liz

determined1

I want to first say Thank You to all the msg's and posts. I had a great night and woke up this morning feeling so proud of myself. It was the first thing I thought about...wow...I made it another night. As I read posts and realize how many other people there are out there that are fighting the same battle, it makes me feel so much stronger. I was always afraid to admit my problem, I wanted so many times to talk to my friends, doctor, etc..but was ashamed. This site has helped me tremendously and I hope someone else out there reading this on their first day.. first attempt, will realize they can do it too. I read posts for about 2 hours yesterday before I got up the nerve to join.
I hope and pray that my determination continues, I am surprised at how good I feel, and how happy I am, I thought it would be the opposite, I thought I would be depressed.
I already have a movie picked out to go see tonight to keep myself busy.
Hill, I dont have much experience in this "Kicking the habit" thing yet, but I hope you find the strenght to say no tonight!
I am looking forward to day 3.
Thanks again!