So miserable
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Gloucestershire UK
Posts: 10
So miserable
Hello. I have been reading your forums for several months now and I thought I would introduce myself.
My name is Jason, I am 38 years old, married with two wonderful kids and live in the UK. I have been an alcoholic for over 20 years, but earlier this year I hit rock bottom and knew I could not carry on like I was.
So on March 17th, I took my last drink and went to see my doctor. She was very sympathetic and prescribed me Librium for the first week, followed by 2 months of Disulfiram.
The first month was hell for me, but gradually things became easier. Now after almost 4 months of sobriety, I dont think I have ever been so miserable in my entire life, except the misery I felt when I hit rock bottom.
I dont understand why I am feeling like this, because I can now sleep naturally, I eat proper meals, my skin has improved and I now have no chance of being caught drunk behind the wheel.
The only thing I seem to look forward to anymore in life is going to sleep that night, because my sleep and dreams offer me some kind of release from these feelings.
Is this normal and if it is, will it ever go away? I am not even slightly tempted to drink again, because I know that is not the answer.
Thank you for listening.
My name is Jason, I am 38 years old, married with two wonderful kids and live in the UK. I have been an alcoholic for over 20 years, but earlier this year I hit rock bottom and knew I could not carry on like I was.
So on March 17th, I took my last drink and went to see my doctor. She was very sympathetic and prescribed me Librium for the first week, followed by 2 months of Disulfiram.
The first month was hell for me, but gradually things became easier. Now after almost 4 months of sobriety, I dont think I have ever been so miserable in my entire life, except the misery I felt when I hit rock bottom.
I dont understand why I am feeling like this, because I can now sleep naturally, I eat proper meals, my skin has improved and I now have no chance of being caught drunk behind the wheel.
The only thing I seem to look forward to anymore in life is going to sleep that night, because my sleep and dreams offer me some kind of release from these feelings.
Is this normal and if it is, will it ever go away? I am not even slightly tempted to drink again, because I know that is not the answer.
Thank you for listening.
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
What else is going on in your life? When I quit drinking, I began actively pursuing healthier ways to live. I have been doing a tremendous amount of research and work on emotional and spiritual healing and growth, and I am far better for it.
I used drinking to cover up pain. I drank for 28 years, all of my adult life. I had no idea how to deal with emotions while sober. I needed help to find the way. AA, smart recovery, therapy and the library are all good places to go. SR helped me immensely, I am glad you are here.
I used drinking to cover up pain. I drank for 28 years, all of my adult life. I had no idea how to deal with emotions while sober. I needed help to find the way. AA, smart recovery, therapy and the library are all good places to go. SR helped me immensely, I am glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: in France
Posts: 393
Hi Jason 
Welcome to SR and congratulations on your keeping sober. 4 months is great or "awesome " as I've leant to say on this site
I feel very much the same way as you do so I'm not going to offer you any advice but i just wanted to say you're not alone and i'm sure there will be some other "wiser" members along soon to give you helpful advice-and i'll read it too .
This is a great place to be and I've found many friends and lots of very helpful advice here.
Welcome to SR and congratulations on your keeping sober. 4 months is great or "awesome " as I've leant to say on this site
I feel very much the same way as you do so I'm not going to offer you any advice but i just wanted to say you're not alone and i'm sure there will be some other "wiser" members along soon to give you helpful advice-and i'll read it too .
This is a great place to be and I've found many friends and lots of very helpful advice here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi,
I wonder what other changes you have made in your life. Stopping drinking is the beginning of the journey. Are you getting out in your community and volunteering, participating in sports with your kids, or doing anything that brings you some pleasure. Also, have you talkekd to your dr about depression?
I wonder what other changes you have made in your life. Stopping drinking is the beginning of the journey. Are you getting out in your community and volunteering, participating in sports with your kids, or doing anything that brings you some pleasure. Also, have you talkekd to your dr about depression?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by Tallaxo 
Now after almost 4 months of sobriety, I dont think I have ever been so miserable in my entire life,...
For the real alcoholic, however, oftentimes the days just get worse. I see this all the time in AA. Some folks come in, stop drinking, make new friends, have a support group, and are reasonably happy. And then many others come in, stop drinking, and just get more miserable. A day comes when they either take the steps or return to drinking.
Your solution to life (alcohol) is gone. I found that I needed a new solution to life. Without a spiritual solution in my life, I was doomed to return to alcohol when things got bad enough. It didn't matter how much willpower I had in other areas.
When I straightened out spiritually, the alcohol problem was taken care of as a side benefit to a new way of living.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Jason, good for you on 4 months of sobriety! Sounds farely normal to me as well. My first year of sobriety I just wanted to hide from the world and besides going to work and AA meetings the first couple of months I did hide and just sleep. I had been a heavy drinker off and on for over 30 years and I had to figure out exactly who Judy was because I did not know me w/o my constant companion - alcohol. Through a lot of self analysis, prayer, and almost daily talking with another recovered A, who happens to be my father, I came out of the fog and discovered a wonderful person within myself.
Be patient, you have to work on yourself.
Be patient, you have to work on yourself.
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Hi Jason, for me that was quite a normal feeling..
Alcohol is only a symtom of our problem an escape from not
having the skills to live life freely and on lifes terms...
I had to to find out how to live a sober life..I do that with AA.
I have 19 months of sobriety, but more importantly, I have never been happier..
Hope3
Alcohol is only a symtom of our problem an escape from not
having the skills to live life freely and on lifes terms...
I had to to find out how to live a sober life..I do that with AA.
I have 19 months of sobriety, but more importantly, I have never been happier..
Hope3
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Jason I wanted to chime in and welcome you - and echo the solid advice you got here from others who can identify with what you shared. I agree that it's quite common to feel as you do after a period of sobriety. I did too.
You took a very important step by posting here and asking for some help. I hope you find something here that works for you.
You took a very important step by posting here and asking for some help. I hope you find something here that works for you.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR Tallaxo, When I quit drinking via medical detox, I too was miserable and lost, I had no idea how to live sober, alcohol had been my solution to everything for many years and I honestly did not know how to handle life sober.
What saved my butt was listening to the suggestion they made to me in detox, they suggested I go to at least 90 AA meetings or more in 90 days and get a sponsor.
Even though I had a sponsor and was going to at least 1 meeting a day at the end of 2 months I came very close to relapsing, I was going nuts, I had not even started taking the steps. Freedom for me came in the steps, I found a Higher Power and as I took the steps I was freed from my mental obsession for alcohol and freed of my self.
Are you workiing a program? If not I would highly suggest working one, just not drinking almost drove me crazy.
What saved my butt was listening to the suggestion they made to me in detox, they suggested I go to at least 90 AA meetings or more in 90 days and get a sponsor.
Even though I had a sponsor and was going to at least 1 meeting a day at the end of 2 months I came very close to relapsing, I was going nuts, I had not even started taking the steps. Freedom for me came in the steps, I found a Higher Power and as I took the steps I was freed from my mental obsession for alcohol and freed of my self.
Are you workiing a program? If not I would highly suggest working one, just not drinking almost drove me crazy.
Disposable Hero
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Being, ME
Posts: 3,758
Hello and welcome to the SR community.
i hope that you keep coming back and
continue to seek the help that you need.
Have you gone to any A.A. meetings
that are being held in your local area?
Congrats on staying sober one day at a time!
i hope that you keep coming back and
continue to seek the help that you need.
Have you gone to any A.A. meetings
that are being held in your local area?
Congrats on staying sober one day at a time!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Gloucestershire UK
Posts: 10
Wow, thank you all for the warm welcome and the great advice. Some of you have hit the nail on the head regarding these feelings.
I have done this whole recovery thing on my own so far with no help from AA or anyone else for that matter. I did not choose AA because I guess I have a preconception of it, rightly or wrongly. I guess its because I dont really want to open up to strangers face to face about my feelings.
Since becoming sober, I am really struggling to understand what my role in life is supposed to be, I have become really withdrawn, which is so unlike me, as I am usually so optimistic and outgoing. logic tells me that I should be on cloud 9 after all that I have achieved over these last months, but all I feel is emptiness.
This is strange, because 2 months into my sobriety, I really felt a spiritual awakening, like I was meeting an old friend that has been lost for over 20 years, but now he seems to have vanished again. I long for something, I really long for it, but I just dont know what it is.
I hope I find the answer and find it soon, because this is really getting me down.
Thank you all again for listening.
Jason.
I have done this whole recovery thing on my own so far with no help from AA or anyone else for that matter. I did not choose AA because I guess I have a preconception of it, rightly or wrongly. I guess its because I dont really want to open up to strangers face to face about my feelings.
Since becoming sober, I am really struggling to understand what my role in life is supposed to be, I have become really withdrawn, which is so unlike me, as I am usually so optimistic and outgoing. logic tells me that I should be on cloud 9 after all that I have achieved over these last months, but all I feel is emptiness.
This is strange, because 2 months into my sobriety, I really felt a spiritual awakening, like I was meeting an old friend that has been lost for over 20 years, but now he seems to have vanished again. I long for something, I really long for it, but I just dont know what it is.
I hope I find the answer and find it soon, because this is really getting me down.
Thank you all again for listening.
Jason.
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Originally Posted by Tallaxo
I have done this whole recovery thing on my own so far with no help from AA or anyone else for that matter. I did not choose AA because I guess I have a preconception of it, rightly or wrongly. I guess its because I dont really want to open up to strangers face to face about my feelings.
Since becoming sober, I am really struggling to understand what my role in life is supposed to be, I have become really withdrawn, which is so unlike me, as I am usually so optimistic and outgoing. logic tells me that I should be on cloud 9 after all that I have achieved over these last months, but all I feel is emptiness.
This is strange, because 2 months into my sobriety, I really felt a spiritual awakening, like I was meeting an old friend that has been lost for over 20 years, but now he seems to have vanished again. I long for something, I really long for it, but I just dont know what it is.
I hope I find the answer and find it soon, because this is really getting me down.
Thank you all again for listening.
Jason.
Since becoming sober, I am really struggling to understand what my role in life is supposed to be, I have become really withdrawn, which is so unlike me, as I am usually so optimistic and outgoing. logic tells me that I should be on cloud 9 after all that I have achieved over these last months, but all I feel is emptiness.
This is strange, because 2 months into my sobriety, I really felt a spiritual awakening, like I was meeting an old friend that has been lost for over 20 years, but now he seems to have vanished again. I long for something, I really long for it, but I just dont know what it is.
I hope I find the answer and find it soon, because this is really getting me down.
Thank you all again for listening.
Jason.
Jason, You are not alone or unique.. although it feels alot like it when we go through it...
When I started AA, It didn't feel like strangers, there was an imediate bond...we all had something in common...I didn't have to do it alone... and I usually think I can do everything myself..
I went through what you did for 10 months alone, high low, no real feelings of true joy...
what was my purpose... well I found it... AA
This link might help you its on this forum, it's about paws...
Post Acute Withdrawl - Relapse Prevention Specialists - TLC The Living Center
Keep comming back Jason...best wishes..
Hope3
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,778
I too advise talking to your doctor about how miserable you are feeling. It could be depression, it could also be PAWS. Check out the PAWS link in the previous post. EArly sobriety can be a bumpy road to travel. Counseling can also help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Gloucestershire UK
Posts: 10
To Least and Hope3. Thank you very much for that link on PAWS. I had never even heard of that before. So much in that article and the description of some of those symptoms really applies to me. I have had depression before, and this is not what I feel now. I think I will talk to my doctor about this. This is an enormous relief for me, because I can identify to this and know I am not going insane. I have had a really great day today. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Jason.
Jason.
catch-22
Join Date: May 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 135
Jason, exactly how I feel... I am much better, but there's a big hole in my life I don't know how to fill... not miserable, but quite withdrawn and quiet... just not me! I suppose we have to learn to get to know ourself again without the help of mr vodka!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
I'm with everyone else. I think if you do some reading, get The Big Book, read (at the least) what the steps are all about. I do totally suggest getting sponsor and working the steps. I'm a very big fan of the steps.
As for the feeling miserable part. I totally feel ya there. You still have a lot going for you. Hang in there and keep posting. Welcome to SR.
As for the feeling miserable part. I totally feel ya there. You still have a lot going for you. Hang in there and keep posting. Welcome to SR.
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