Not sure what to do
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1
Not sure what to do
Hi I am new here and not sure what to share, however I would like some advice.
My husband is an alcoholic. He is what many would call a functioning alcoholic (is there really such a thing). He has drinking for over 20 years and at a rate of anywhere from 10 beers a day during the week to 20 beers a day on the weekend. He has a good job and we have a very nice home. I stay home with our 10 month old daughter. We also have a special needs 15 year old.
Well over the last year he has stayed out of work due to his hangover or just wanting to get drunk that day and it has become an increasing concern that he was risking his job...especially with todays ecomony crisis. His company has already had major layoffs and furlows. Anyway last month he stayed home one Thursday and Friday and got completely drunk both days. Come that Friday evening I had had all I could take and finally told him to take his drunk butt to bed. It really made an impact on him and the next day he said that he wanted to stop drinking. Well thats just what he did. However when he went back to work Monday he was send home for 3 days unpaid leave and is now on probation. This is a job he has had for many many years. He stayed with the not drinking though and He had been sober a month on the 6th. I told him how proud I was of him and his reply to me was yeah I deserve to get drunk to celerbate. ..I told him that I didn't think that was funny at all but it did raise a flag in my mind. Well Saturday night thats just what he did...He got up and said I am going to drink some beer. He drank 16 beers that night and just as much Sunday. Today being Monday I am feeling very upset. I no longer want to be part of his drinking and will not be. I am thinking when he is drinking the girls and I will retreat to a part of the house away from him...and not see him until the next day. I don't want to give him an ultimatum...I don't believe they work....But at the same time ....I am doing this for me and my girls..I am not saying to him...you stop drinking or we leave. I AM saying we no long will share the same space with you when you are drinking.
I am sorry this is so long. I am just so shocked that he just decided to start drinking again..I saw the hell that man went though those first few day I am surprised he didn't die. But he made it though. We went on vacation to his familys home (all of which are drinkers) and he even managed to not have a drink with them. I HATE the fear of losing everything because of alcohol. If he was layed off and we lost our home due to the ecomony I would deal with it. But if that happened because of alcohol...it would be over..I would walk that day. And this man is the love of my life. I am very hurt, angry, I feel betrayed.
Any advice is appreciated.
My husband is an alcoholic. He is what many would call a functioning alcoholic (is there really such a thing). He has drinking for over 20 years and at a rate of anywhere from 10 beers a day during the week to 20 beers a day on the weekend. He has a good job and we have a very nice home. I stay home with our 10 month old daughter. We also have a special needs 15 year old.
Well over the last year he has stayed out of work due to his hangover or just wanting to get drunk that day and it has become an increasing concern that he was risking his job...especially with todays ecomony crisis. His company has already had major layoffs and furlows. Anyway last month he stayed home one Thursday and Friday and got completely drunk both days. Come that Friday evening I had had all I could take and finally told him to take his drunk butt to bed. It really made an impact on him and the next day he said that he wanted to stop drinking. Well thats just what he did. However when he went back to work Monday he was send home for 3 days unpaid leave and is now on probation. This is a job he has had for many many years. He stayed with the not drinking though and He had been sober a month on the 6th. I told him how proud I was of him and his reply to me was yeah I deserve to get drunk to celerbate. ..I told him that I didn't think that was funny at all but it did raise a flag in my mind. Well Saturday night thats just what he did...He got up and said I am going to drink some beer. He drank 16 beers that night and just as much Sunday. Today being Monday I am feeling very upset. I no longer want to be part of his drinking and will not be. I am thinking when he is drinking the girls and I will retreat to a part of the house away from him...and not see him until the next day. I don't want to give him an ultimatum...I don't believe they work....But at the same time ....I am doing this for me and my girls..I am not saying to him...you stop drinking or we leave. I AM saying we no long will share the same space with you when you are drinking.
I am sorry this is so long. I am just so shocked that he just decided to start drinking again..I saw the hell that man went though those first few day I am surprised he didn't die. But he made it though. We went on vacation to his familys home (all of which are drinkers) and he even managed to not have a drink with them. I HATE the fear of losing everything because of alcohol. If he was layed off and we lost our home due to the ecomony I would deal with it. But if that happened because of alcohol...it would be over..I would walk that day. And this man is the love of my life. I am very hurt, angry, I feel betrayed.
Any advice is appreciated.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
hi littlebreeze!
welcome- you found a good place here!
Of course what brought you here is a serious drag but reaching out and asking for and accepting help is what finally got me off the rollercoaster I had been riding with my alcoholic loved ones.
Unfortunately "fusnctioning" in terms of alcoholism is only a stage. It is a progressive disease that only gets worse...until the alcoholic gets sober and accepts some program of recovery - or at least has a plan to work on the reason they chose to abuse alcohol in the first place.
It sounds like a good boundary you are setting in place to protect yourself and your girls from having to be around him when he drinks. As long as you do it for YOU it will help you. Unfortunately there is nothing we can do to make our loved one STOP!
More people will be along soon I'm sure--glad you're here - keep posting!
peace,
b
welcome- you found a good place here!
Of course what brought you here is a serious drag but reaching out and asking for and accepting help is what finally got me off the rollercoaster I had been riding with my alcoholic loved ones.
Unfortunately "fusnctioning" in terms of alcoholism is only a stage. It is a progressive disease that only gets worse...until the alcoholic gets sober and accepts some program of recovery - or at least has a plan to work on the reason they chose to abuse alcohol in the first place.
It sounds like a good boundary you are setting in place to protect yourself and your girls from having to be around him when he drinks. As long as you do it for YOU it will help you. Unfortunately there is nothing we can do to make our loved one STOP!
More people will be along soon I'm sure--glad you're here - keep posting!
peace,
b
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