riaerif

I've tried to talk to her about it, but she really doesn't want to hear it. She hurt her back in a car accident and started taking Vicodin, but it seems she was taking stuff before that, but that was when she actually had the pills prescribed for her. Before it was always one of her parents giving her something for a muscle she pulled or her sister giving her stuff.

Percoset, Vicodin, something called Flexerol... She takes it like it's candy. She makes jokes about how good she feels on it. Anyway, she finally had back surgery and she, along with the docs and others who have had the surgery, said it's almost immediate the feeling of relief of the pain.

Then within a month at least, she started taking the vicodin again. Now she complains about this horrible pain and she lost her job. She said it was unfair, but I know she was calling off a LOT. So then her sister started giving her Vicodin (that was prescribed to her for something... I don't know what) every time my friend would do her a favor.

Recently, one of her friends went to the doctor, got a prescription for Vicodin and never filled it. My friend told her how much pain she was in, gave her the cash for it and her friend filled it and gave her the bottle.

Not too long ago, she gave me a couple aspirin for a headache and then joked a couple of weeks later that she'd given me a Percoset instead. I knew I was acting really crazy, but I thought I was just hyper or something. I'm so angry now that I know the truth.

I've talked to her, but she always laughs it off and she has very little money but she's always buying things for me and the kids, which we appreciate, but sometimes she holds it over our heads. Now I just say thank you and let her know how much I appreciate her and then I don't feel any guilt.

She texts me even though I've told her I can't get texts because it costs me extra money. She doesn't seem to care.

She tries to get me to come over constantly and I have two children. I work a lot so I try to spend all my time with them, but she tries to make me feel guilty for not spending more time with her. I love her. She's been my best friend since I was my daughter's age, but this hurts.

I stand my ground and see her when I can, but not just because she wants me to. I don't worry about what is happening in her life because of the vicodin. It's her life and she has a husband to deal with the fallout from her maybe addiction. I have enough to deal with.

So today she wanted me to go garage sale hunting with her. I'm busy getting my daughter ready for camp. I can't spend hours at a time going to search for bargains on stuff neither one of us needs. So on a social Web site she puts up this message and says something to the effect of how nobody wants to be near her so she's just going to turn off her phone and lock the doors and isolate herself more.

I was going to put something up that says I no longer respond to emotional manipulation, but then I thought, "Duh... THAT would be a response." So I'm not doing anything.

I know I'm supposed to worry about me and not expect things, but it really hurts to see this happening to her and I so want to full on interfere, but I'm not. But I don't want to turn a blind eye and make it easier for her not to get better either. It's a fine line and I'm not sure what to do. With my mom I screwed things up because I tried to control everything and make things better. With my friend I'm trying to stay out of it completely. Is there a middle ground?

Anna

Hi,

I am sorry for your situation.

It's likely that your friend will need to decide that she needs help for herself. You might check out AlAnon for yourself as a source of support.

brokenhalo

riaerif,

i too am sorry you are dealing with this. 51anna makes a good point. alanon might be the best place for you to start, and there is also a place on this forum specifically for friends and family of addicts and alcoholics. imho, it sounds like the substance abuse could be a symptom of something else. i know it was (is) for me. just my two cents however.

i wish you the best, and please take care of yourself. maybe try a google search for "boundaries in relationships", "boundaries in dysfunctional relationships", "emotional manipulation", or "emotional blackmail". my guess is you'll find alot of interesting material that could help you in your situation.

be well,

bh

yankees24

You sound like a good person, I would voice your concern to your friend and If she does not want to help herself or stop making life a little more difficult for you maybe you should set some healthy boundaries she can understand..