Visiting My Hometown and My Past
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 341
Visiting My Hometown and My Past
My higher power works in mysterious ways. I have put off returning to the town I grew up in (16 hour drive) for a long time, because I had isolated myself from my past, and most people in general for such a long time. When I started al-anon in Feb I started to make connections with other people again. It was hard because I was scared people would think I was crazy or odd. But they accept me. Now I have no problem speaking, hugging, or just saying Hi. I never want to isolate myself again! I still don't understand totally why I isolated myself, but I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well, I couldn't afford to visit my hometown (and my relatives) and I was kind of glad for a while, but then I had an overwhelming feeling that that would probably be my next step - to reconnect with my relatives and my past and myself. Low and behold, my mother has worked out a way that all of us can go before the kids start school (and I didn't even bring up the subject of visiting my hometown). Things just seemed to fall into place. Weird. The money is no problem and we have a place to stay now that won't cost anything.
I am excited, but also very scared to go back (haven't been back in over 12 years to see my dad and grandmother, etc), but I do believe in my gut that this is something that I need to do now. It's the next step my HP wants me to take. I prayed to my HP to give me strength and help me to get the courage to go up there and be myself and accept the love and support from my family. I need to stay out of that shell that I have kept for so long.
My HP answered my prayer for strength in a big way. Last night I woke up at 3 am and couldn't sleep. I went out onto the porch and saw that it was cloudy and the moon was shining through the clouds in a weird way. There were a lot of moonbeams and strange colors in the sky. It was then that I realized that there was an opening in the clouds that made a design. The design was a perfect outline of an angel! I mean, it was perfect! I knew that that was a sign to me that I am not alone and that my HP was watching over me and not to be afraid. Angels mean a lot to me. You see, when my step-father was going through a really, really tough time (he died of lung cancer on New Year's Eve), he and my mother woke up in the middle of the night and saw the outline of an angel in their bedroom (my stepfather asked my mother "do you see what I see???!!!" and she said "I SEE AN ANGEL!!!". My stepfather said that an overwhelming sense of peace came over him and he knew that someone was there watching over him and that in the end everything would be alright. My mother felt that it was her dad sending them a sign. Well, I felt that this was my dad (stepfather) sending me a sign (and I cry as I write this because I miss him so much).
The image faded after a couple of minutes, but I stayed out on the porch until 6 am praying and meditating. I do this every morning, just not so early. These are the times that everything seems to come into focus and I have my biggest realizations and thoughts on that porch in the morning.
I haven't told anyone what I saw, because they would think I was crazy or imagining things, but I tell all of you because I want you to know that there is hope. I have come a long way, but it has taken me years to get to this point. And it wasn't easy, it was painful - but well worth it! It is possible to have peace and serenity and actually enjoy life! My life isn't perfect, but I know in my heart and gut that I am exactly where I need to be and I have my HP with me all the way.
Well, I couldn't afford to visit my hometown (and my relatives) and I was kind of glad for a while, but then I had an overwhelming feeling that that would probably be my next step - to reconnect with my relatives and my past and myself. Low and behold, my mother has worked out a way that all of us can go before the kids start school (and I didn't even bring up the subject of visiting my hometown). Things just seemed to fall into place. Weird. The money is no problem and we have a place to stay now that won't cost anything.
I am excited, but also very scared to go back (haven't been back in over 12 years to see my dad and grandmother, etc), but I do believe in my gut that this is something that I need to do now. It's the next step my HP wants me to take. I prayed to my HP to give me strength and help me to get the courage to go up there and be myself and accept the love and support from my family. I need to stay out of that shell that I have kept for so long.
My HP answered my prayer for strength in a big way. Last night I woke up at 3 am and couldn't sleep. I went out onto the porch and saw that it was cloudy and the moon was shining through the clouds in a weird way. There were a lot of moonbeams and strange colors in the sky. It was then that I realized that there was an opening in the clouds that made a design. The design was a perfect outline of an angel! I mean, it was perfect! I knew that that was a sign to me that I am not alone and that my HP was watching over me and not to be afraid. Angels mean a lot to me. You see, when my step-father was going through a really, really tough time (he died of lung cancer on New Year's Eve), he and my mother woke up in the middle of the night and saw the outline of an angel in their bedroom (my stepfather asked my mother "do you see what I see???!!!" and she said "I SEE AN ANGEL!!!". My stepfather said that an overwhelming sense of peace came over him and he knew that someone was there watching over him and that in the end everything would be alright. My mother felt that it was her dad sending them a sign. Well, I felt that this was my dad (stepfather) sending me a sign (and I cry as I write this because I miss him so much).
The image faded after a couple of minutes, but I stayed out on the porch until 6 am praying and meditating. I do this every morning, just not so early. These are the times that everything seems to come into focus and I have my biggest realizations and thoughts on that porch in the morning.
I haven't told anyone what I saw, because they would think I was crazy or imagining things, but I tell all of you because I want you to know that there is hope. I have come a long way, but it has taken me years to get to this point. And it wasn't easy, it was painful - but well worth it! It is possible to have peace and serenity and actually enjoy life! My life isn't perfect, but I know in my heart and gut that I am exactly where I need to be and I have my HP with me all the way.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I am a firm believer that home is where the heart is. I had a lot of internal pain growing up, and high school was one of the worst times of my life. I was skinny, very tall, and had no social graces whatsoever.
I've gone back to my home town a few times to visit with my folks, and to be honest, it seems like a lifetime ago that I lived there.
It's just a place where I grew up, no more, no less.
The only family I have are my two girls, my grandkids,my brother in CT, and my parents.
I've been in my current town since 1986 (when I went through rehab), and I have a wonderful support system and friends here. I can't imagine living anywhere else.
I've gone back to my home town a few times to visit with my folks, and to be honest, it seems like a lifetime ago that I lived there.
It's just a place where I grew up, no more, no less.
The only family I have are my two girls, my grandkids,my brother in CT, and my parents.
I've been in my current town since 1986 (when I went through rehab), and I have a wonderful support system and friends here. I can't imagine living anywhere else.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
This is awesome-good for you, Blondie.
When this mess went down with my axbf I posted on facebook "I want my daddy." No joke. I'm going back home in August.
And check this out-talk about mysterious ways nature or the HP has-I reconnected with an old high school/college bf on Facebook, and we're going to see each other when I get back. It will be amazing to see him again. I have no idea what it could lead to and i'm not even thinking about that-it's more just, I'm going for nostalgia and to talk about old times. No expectations.
I think reconnecting with the past can be a good way to get focusing on your future.
When this mess went down with my axbf I posted on facebook "I want my daddy." No joke. I'm going back home in August.
And check this out-talk about mysterious ways nature or the HP has-I reconnected with an old high school/college bf on Facebook, and we're going to see each other when I get back. It will be amazing to see him again. I have no idea what it could lead to and i'm not even thinking about that-it's more just, I'm going for nostalgia and to talk about old times. No expectations.
I think reconnecting with the past can be a good way to get focusing on your future.
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