Toomutch

My doctor started me on resperidone last night because I have been having self harming visualizations and thoughts. Ihave been attending IOP and yesterday when the nurse came in she said she was very worried about me, because of the awfull visualizations.

I just started taking resperidone last nightand it has me feeling very strange kind of like I'm inbetween sleep and awakness. I hope this makes enough since to get some esh.

I have also been having drinking visulaizations that go along with self harming bejavior.

I don't know if any of this will make since because I am feeling so strage. My IOP therapist said that I could use SR as part of my crisis reduction plan/ Support system.

Anyway I was doing well for quite some time and these symptoms started coming out of the blue a few weeks ago. I was initially diagnosed with bipolar II in October. Now my doc. says it's bipolar I with mixed/ dysphoric/pyscotic episodes.

I really needed to vent this. If anyone will respond or just talk to me that would help me I think.

thank you

Astro

Hi Suz. I'm not familiar with resperidone, but the symptons you described reminded me of what I experienced when I tried Lexapro and Zoloft, before finally finding comfort and relief with EffexorXR. Those first two meds I mentioned left me with the darkest thoughts and suicidal ideations, but that's just my experience, I know they work well for some people.

I've heard it described as "cobwebs in the brain", almost a fuzzy, dream-like state of existence. That rung true for me, for a few months I felt like that and just focused on going through the motions to make it through a day at work.

I hope you find some relief, and although I worry about you, I'm proud of you for your strength and the constant ability to reach out for answers and support. Keep it up, k?

Aysha

I dont have any shares but I am thinking of you and hope you feel better soon.

Toomutch

Thanks Astro!

I know God is there and working on me. The fact that I'm not drinking is a miracle. The fact that I want to drink is scary, but some of the other visulazations I'm having are even scarier.

Astro

I still have visualizations Suz, but that's all they are, not reality. I pray to God to remove them, He never fails, then I thank Him for another day in recovery.

least

I have been on risperdal for a while and have had no ill effects. I hope you feel better soon.:ghug3

Toomutch

I'm experiencing self harming thoughts. I'm thinking I will fall down the stairs. I'm afraid I am going to be hospitalized if I continue on this way. I'm scared and I think I will call the crisis center now.

itisatruth

(((((((((Toomutch)))))))) I'm sorry I don't have any experience/advice to share but I want you to know I'm thinking of you and sending lots of good thoughts & prayers your way. I will say that my H. has been battling insomnia/anxiety/depression - I watch as he has had some very tough times and wish I could do more. He really has to take it one day, one minute, even one second at a time sometimes and it is scary. Big giant cyber hugs heading your way Suzette ~

itisatruth

They are there to help.......

NewBeginning010

Sorry to hear you are struggling :ghug

This video & series has helped me tremendously in the last few days, may you find something in it for you.

Take Care,

NB

smacked

I hope you're ok.. check in when you can!

stone

Hi Suz, I had what you are describing when severely depressed. If other people hurt themselves I thought it was my fault and stuff too, even though I was nowhere nowhere near them, very odd thoughts. I was so paranoid I wouldn't get help so I am glad you are involved with Professional help, keep utilising it.

Toomutch

I called the crisis center and was told they will asses me tomorrow when I go to IOP. I may end up in the hospital and I guess I would be okay with that. I feel like such a freak though, it seems as the years go by my mental illness gets worse and worse. I pray I will be safe through the remainder of this day and night.
Thanks for the responses; I am feeling needy right now and they really help!

Toomutch

Trish, The Climb is one of my favorites right now too! It is a great recovery song. I listen to it and feel as if I could have written it.

Astro

Someday I'm going to have a t-shirt made that says "I did time in a mental hospital and I'm damn proud of it!"

There's nothing wrong with being needy and getting the help we deserve.

vegibean

Hey Girl. I'm sooooooooo glad I haven't had to deal with some of the psych meds out there that some of my friends have been on. I know that some of the symptoms and side effects from them can be really freaky.

I don't think going to the hospital would be all that bad either. They could evaluate you there and very possibly re-adjust your meds and then re-evaluate you again.

Going through some terrible emotional, mental and completely anxiety type disorders has put me in a total petrified, terrified and immobile state at times. It sucks! I hope it all gets worked out for you soon. :ghug

Jane47

Sorry to hear you are having these problems.
I hope you feel better soon.

Horselover

So sorry to have missed this earlier Suzette. I hope you will let us know what's going on tomorrow when you get a chance. Don't be afraid to go get help for this. Its not your fault my dear. You just need to get on the right medicine and be restored to yourself. I am sorry for this struggle you are enduring right now though. Saying prayers for you Suzette. Hugs - Sarah

Hevyn

Me too, Suzette, praying you will be relieved of this misery soon. You've been through so much lately.

Lenina

Sorry I missed this earlier. I hope you're feeling better. Please post when you can let us know how you're doing. You have lots of friends here who care!

Love,

Lenina