sadwife

Things have been pretty up and down here. AH husband thinks that if he is sober for 5 days that gives him the right to drink for 2 days. Last night was pretty lame. He had the nerve to put his vodka coolers in the refrig (I don't allow it in the house, he drinks in the garage). Now for my 1st question, how long does it take to sober up? And my 2nd question, if he is going to a therapist for help does that mean he really wants help or is he just doing to shut me up? Anyone out there have any similar experience? This is getting quite stressful! I never know who will walk in the door the lady(AH) or the tiger!! Help!!!Thanks in advance for the responses.

LongStrangeTrip

I'm no expert by any means but I would say as long as he is doing something (therapist) that's better than nothing. If he keeps going and hopefully is being honest about his drinking, he could very well eventually see a better life and go into recovery.
I think that if my AH had stayed in his group therapy and his individual counselling (he said he didn't belong in AA but that's another story) he may have realized that there was more to life than parties and alcohol.

My main focus is on me now and making myself feel good and be happy. If he is however doing it to "shut you up" as you suggested, at least he's going and doing something.
Just my opinion though.
Good Luck and God Bless.

NoDoubt

I agree with LST! Something is better than nothing.

As far as your first questions --- how long does it take to sober up? Well, it depends. Fortunately, my husband went to detox and was monitored. All went well and he was out in 3 days. Others stay longer and need help secondary to medical problems that arise out of detoxing. So that one is really hard to answer.

Have you tried meetings. Many people that post here go to Alanon and find the meetings helpful. Something is better than nothing for you too!!

NoDoubt

EyesOpen

The normal human body can process (break down) 1/2 ounce of alcohol per hour. So, if a normal person had one can of beer, it should be out of their system in an hour or two, depending on the brand.

However, some people (alcoholics), don't process alcohol correctly. Toxins get produced in their livers which don't go away. They stay stuck there, causing the person to feel cravings. In an attempt to get rid of the cravings, they drink more, more toxins build up, and the person gets increasingly addicted.

If your AH is one of the 10 million people who have this biological quirk, the answer to your question may be that the effect of alcohol never leaves his system.

EmotionalMeg

Hi Sadwife ,

This is a hard question to answer...
First of all, by "sober up" do you mean for him to GET sober and stay that way? Or do you mean, for him to "wake up" and seek recovery?

Either way, there is no definate answers.
He will seek the help only when he is ready; usually when he hits a "bottom" of sorts. The A really has to come to a point of "awakening"; a point in which he is having to completely surrender himself to the disease. He has to realize the extent to which the disease has made him "sick", and feel a desire to WANT to change - almost as strong as the desire to WANT to keep drinking.
And of course, WE are powerless.
It absolutely does not matter how much WE want them to get sober; they will only do it when they are ready. Some A's are active in their disease their entire lives; some a few years; some longer... And STAYING sober depends entirely on the A himself. Again, I truly cannot give you a definate answer.

Well, it could be that he wants help... or at least that he is willing to admit that he needs it. But if you are feeling like he is only there for YOUR benefit, chances are better that your instinct is correct. After all, when he is READY to seek recovery, it is usually an "all or nothing" affair - no one can work a program half-as*ed.

But, like the others said, it is a good thing that he is there. As long as he doesn't go into the sessions with earplugs in, there will be some great information beginning to sink in for him. This is truly something to be grateful for .

One final thought...
As hard as it is to "let go" of the desire to see him get healthy, and the want to "help" him - it is so self-defeating for you. We so often find ourselves so emmeshed in the life and dilemma of another person - this is what makes us codependant - that we lose the ability to take care of ourselves. Your happiness and well being and success in life cannot be dependant on his sobriety. So, take a chance and leave him to himself - while YOU start taking care of yourself. Get to as many Alanon meetings as you can, and allow yourself to believe that a happy healthy life is yours for the taking... it really is .

Take care, and keep coming back to share!

Meg

Rainy

Sadwife,

I agree with the others, it's a difficult question to answer regarding how long it takes them to sober up. My AH took over a week in detox and early treatment to sober up after his last binge..he'd been drinking whiskey for a week straight.

As for him seeing a therapist, does it really matter if he's doing it for you or himself at this point? He's going and whether he's doing it strictly to "shut you up," maybe he'll hear something that will spark an interest to seek recovery for himself, eventually.

I agree wholeheartedly with what Meg said about letting go...I can't tell you how many times I would listen to my AH tell me how he was done drinking and bingeing and this "was the last time, I promise, honey," until finally the last time I said no more and didn't let him come back. As hard as it is, we have to get to the point where we finally say "no more," and stick to it, and begin rebuilding ourselves.

Best wishes,

Freewolf

Sadwife,

If he is going to therapy how it will work on him depends on why he is going.

I orginially got into recovery to shut up my SO. I did not think I needed to be here. Truth is it made my life worse. Ultimately me going to therapy or recovery for her made my life worse and my resulting actions caused allot of damage in the relationship which ultimately ended.

Can you love him without condition?
Can you love him whereever he is at?
Can you love him regardless of whether he drinks or not?

When first in Alanon I thought people with long term recovery who where staying in relationship with drinking alcoholics where absolutely crazy.

Now I get how they did it, how they did it and where happy!

So for the important questions which will give you your solutions.

Do you have a sponsor?
Have you worked the steps?

Once you delve into that, the answer to how long does he take to sober up become superfulious.

He will get sober when HE is ready. Not when you are ready for him to get sober.

So until that time what about you??

Fibilt

Rainy

Wolf,

Your response made me stop and think about this again...I was thinking only from my experience with my AH and therapy. When he was still using he would go to therapy now and then, he even went to a therapist who was also licensed to counsel addicts and he would freely talk about his drinking, although he wasn't ready to admit then that he had a problem...and he'd been through treatment before. He tells me now that even though he was going to basically shut me up too, he did hear some things from her that helped him finally admit it and believe it this last time he went into rehab.

I guess each of us is different and what may help one, might not help another.

What it really boils down to in my mind is what you said, he will get sober when HE is ready. None of us will know what the exact answer is for any one person. The important thing is that the person involved in the A's life is working THEIR recovery and learning to let go.

Thanks again for sharing your experience with this.

EmotionalMeg

Hey Freewolf,

I truly enjoyed your insight on this too
You have the gift of being "straight to the point"... HOW do you do that???
:p
Take care
Meg