Silent Tears

So I haven't been on in a long time but figured this would be an appropriate time to post.

My ex-b/f of 5 years is an addict and we lived together it was so up and down and just abusive to me mentally and physically I finally got out of the relationship even though it killed me. He was my world but I HAD to let go to save myself from it all. We've been broken up now for over 4 years and I'm with a great man now..

My ex has been in and out of jail/prison off and on for the past 7 years now and in the beginning I'd see him here and there as a friend but finally realized I was falling into the same old habits of trying to save him again. For the past year and a half I cut off all communication with him which was the best thing I could have done for myself and well for him as well seeing I was hurting him in the long run as well by being there. Yesterday one of my family members got ahold of me saying they talked with my ex and that he's out of jail again and back to the same old mind games of "oh feel sorry for me I have no money and no where to go and no family" etc and so on.. So far he hasnt tried to get ahold of me which I'm really hoping he doesnt do because I've been strong so far but I cant speak to him because I know I'll crumble.

Basically I'm just venting a little and praying that he doesnt try to contact me. Since the last time we spoke I've moved and he doesnt know where to however my phone number is still the same I guess I have to go back to not answering numbers I dont know. luckily for me I have a very supportive boyfriend now who understands what I've been through because he has been there with his brother. I've just got to stay strong and keep on the path I'm on now I wish the best for my ex I really do and pray he finds recovery and what not but I come first..

smacked

So when he does get a hold of you, what is your plan? Plan it now!

MsPINKAcres

I have a list of all the things that I DON"T have to deal with now that the active alcoholic/addict is not a part of my life -

anytime i feel any doubts/stress/tension/worry/guilt etc

I read that list - it helps me know - I am exactly where I need to be . . .

In a place that is safe, serene and FREE!!!!!

hope you will be able to do the same!

outtolunch

You could change your phone number.

You could make it an unlisted number.

Or, if he calls, HANG UP THE PHONE.

Learn2Live

One thing I decided I am going to do this weekend is sit down and write a list of what exactly I mean by my peace and my serenity. like what it is that brings me, and ensures my, peace and serenity. then I'm going to put it in my wallet so that if and when my AXBF calls or shows up, I will read that to remind myself of all the things he keeps me from having. I tell ya', I can totally relate to what you are saying because whenever the phone rings, my heart starts racing because I am so scared it's going to be him! Sounds stupid, I know, cause I don't have to answer the phone! LOL! One time, to avoid his phone calls, I took off sick from work for DAYS and stayed home and gardened in the rain (slingin' mud!) and after three days of relief, he showed up at my house! I had had it all planned out that if he showed up, I was going to run in the house and lock the door and run into the basement and put my fingers in my ears so I wouldn't hear him calling my name. Instead, when he showed up, I FROZE in the front yard!!! And he wound up getting my heart back. Which now I really regret.

whereami

Notice
Overcoming
The
Hardship
Is
Never
Going back

NOTHING else matters...you can live again...

whereami

One of the hardest challanges has been breaking the mold and dissolving the cycle. We have to accept that it is no longer good for us or sane even to engage in this madness. If the behavior could be controlled, we would have some say in the outcome...trying to meddle in the affairs of addiction is like trying to control a roulette wheel, even if you have the odds in your favor, it can still slip through your hands.