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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: US
Posts: 6
New Here
Hello all, I have been browsing this forum for a few weeks now, and finally decided to post. My situation is a little different than most of the posts I have read. The alcoholic in my life is my sister. We live around the corner from each other, and we are the only family in this state(PA). The rest of our family lives in MI. We used to be so close, saw each other almost every day, and did everything together. Her drinking has changed all of that. It breaks my heart that I rarely see my 2 nephews anymore. They are 5 and 9 (her sons). I just had to separate myself from her, because I can no longer deal with the anger, guilt and frustration!!! She tells everyone that she can that I abandoned her, and that I don't support her. I have gone to AA meetings with her, taken her children so she can get a break, planned days of "family fun" etc. etc. ect., but I just can't do it anymore. Her huband and I talk as often as we can, and my heart goes out to him. I have cried endless tears over this, and I don't know what to do. I am so afraid she is going to hurt herself or my beautiful nephews when she is drinking. Please help, I am so sad.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome Spikerdoos
Watching a loved one destroy their lives with alcohol or drugs is painful and sad. My son is an addict, and most people here can relate to your situation and will be along to welcome you too.
You say you have been to meetings with her, but have you tried any Al-Anon meetings for yourself? They really are terrific and can help you learn to regain your balance and let go of her disease and your guilt regarding it.
Take a read around the boards, particularly the "powerposts" at the top of the Nar-Anon and Al-anon boards. Threre is a ton of information there that will help you get started on your own recovery.
And feel free to keep sharing here. We understand and we care.
Hugs
Ann
Watching a loved one destroy their lives with alcohol or drugs is painful and sad. My son is an addict, and most people here can relate to your situation and will be along to welcome you too.
You say you have been to meetings with her, but have you tried any Al-Anon meetings for yourself? They really are terrific and can help you learn to regain your balance and let go of her disease and your guilt regarding it.
Take a read around the boards, particularly the "powerposts" at the top of the Nar-Anon and Al-anon boards. Threre is a ton of information there that will help you get started on your own recovery.
And feel free to keep sharing here. We understand and we care.
Hugs
Ann
Paused
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Southern Maryland
Posts: 169
Spikerdoos:
Someone on this board made a good point a few weeks back, and it helped me -- that is recognizing that emotions are different from knowledge.
Alcoholism survives because it sets off all our emotions. The alcoholic is emotional, we become emotional over what they are doing, then they feed back off of our negative emotions and fall into self-pity. Then the self-pity is a good excuse to drink more.
Arm yourself with knowledge. There are books to read, posts on this site, alanon literature. Get as much of it as your budget allows, and go over it several times. That way, when your sister does crap, you won't take it so personally. You'll recognize the crap for what it is -- a by-product of her self-destruction.
I think it is GREAT that you live "just around the corner" from her. Her sons and spouse probably feel better knowing that your house is a calm place to go when she gets hard to deal with. Let them know that they have that option - especially the boys. You might also suggest to them that they go to alanon/alateen meetings for their own well being. Share information with them from your readings.
The books that have helped most of us here are:
Under the Influence by J. Milam
Codependency no More by Melody Beattie
Getting them Sober by Toby Rice Drews.
The book "Getting them Sober" has a misleading title -- it isn't about forcing them to be sober, it explains how manipulative they can be, and how to deal with it.
Hopefully, once you and her family learn how to set healthy boundaries with her, she'll run out of excuses for the self-pity and start looking at herself for change.
Someone on this board made a good point a few weeks back, and it helped me -- that is recognizing that emotions are different from knowledge.
Alcoholism survives because it sets off all our emotions. The alcoholic is emotional, we become emotional over what they are doing, then they feed back off of our negative emotions and fall into self-pity. Then the self-pity is a good excuse to drink more.
Arm yourself with knowledge. There are books to read, posts on this site, alanon literature. Get as much of it as your budget allows, and go over it several times. That way, when your sister does crap, you won't take it so personally. You'll recognize the crap for what it is -- a by-product of her self-destruction.
I think it is GREAT that you live "just around the corner" from her. Her sons and spouse probably feel better knowing that your house is a calm place to go when she gets hard to deal with. Let them know that they have that option - especially the boys. You might also suggest to them that they go to alanon/alateen meetings for their own well being. Share information with them from your readings.
The books that have helped most of us here are:
Under the Influence by J. Milam
Codependency no More by Melody Beattie
Getting them Sober by Toby Rice Drews.
The book "Getting them Sober" has a misleading title -- it isn't about forcing them to be sober, it explains how manipulative they can be, and how to deal with it.
Hopefully, once you and her family learn how to set healthy boundaries with her, she'll run out of excuses for the self-pity and start looking at herself for change.
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