whereami

Is it normal after a bad relationship with an addict, to avoid dating? I feel like I have turned down a few good outings b/c I didn't see the point. I have a baby, I am in my parents house and trying to get on my feet. So why can't I get dressed nice and go out to a resteraunt? I just feel like staying home, but then that gets a bit overwhelming after time? I guess I want to get my confidence back and right now my life isn't exactly confidence boosting...does anyone know what I mean?

breakingfree88

I totally know what you mean...and yeah I'm pretty sure its normal to not want to "F" with dating after you get out of the craziness w/ an addict. It seems a waste of energy to go out with someone when u have so much on ur plate already. Even if they seemed good on the outside, I wouldn't kick myself for passing up dates right now. I think the time will come when u are ready. some other people might urge you to go ahead and go out, even if you don't feel like it, b/c then you'll feel better. But also just take care of yourself and if you don't wanna go out, then don't.
Also, you can always get dressed up cute and go out to dinner on your own or w/ a girlfriend. I love to do it alone (it confuses the waitresses!) HAHA. I feel like telling them- No need to feel sorry for me, I'm loving it!

whereami

I might take my little sis to lunch...

littlebird77

I know exactly how you feel and I am in this spot right now. I don't want to date, but I have no strength to go out.

winnie12

Yes very normal - I found it to be my minds way of saying i needed time - i needed to get some confidence with myself and my choices before i got out there. I didnt trust myself to make good choices yet and i really needed to spend some time alone to work on myself before getting back out there. Try small things at first - going to lunch or playdates - i found that if i did things with my daughter to start with it made it easier. then moved on to occassionally doing things with my family or girlfriends. Dont isolate too much - you'll get yourself into an illusion of of a comfort zone. I myself was on my way to becomming the cat lady and knew it so i made myself get out. Its still hard sometimes but usually worth it once i force myself to go.

Ann

I think it`s a healthy choice to avoid dating until you have dealt with healing from the past. Healthy attracts healthy, so waiting a while may ensure better choices and opportunities in the future.

That doesn`t mean you can`t go out. Taking your sister to lunch is a good start. Something that helps many here is also to go to meetings. The meetings can really recharge the recovery battery and it`s also a good time to socialize with others who understand you and who need to have fun too.

Being `in between` is a place of healing, a place to catch your breath and decide how you want to live your new beginnings.

Hugs

Alaia

I have no interest in dating at all, maybe that will change (hopefully) but I can relate.

Limiya

I totally understand what you're saying.
I have no intention of dating anyone for a while. I am just not interested. BUT i am going out with friends on a regular basis, so i know i am at least getting out there.
Maybe just try some new activities (dancing?) and go with friends only.
It makes a big difference to confidence but without the hasstle of dating.

~Limiya~

whereami

Good ideas...I just saw an ad for a movie that comes out around my birthday so I think i will go with my lil sis and sis in law and then maybe eat out too...It is that new movie "The Ugly Truth" about dating...

hello-kitty

I don't date anymore. My sons father left a bad taste in my mouth. I can't seem to get rid of it. Maybe some day but right now it's not my priority. My priority is raising a little boy and teaching that even though he loves his daddy, he doesn't have to be like him when he grows up.