open minds
learning to live for me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 215
open minds
After applying for over 100 jobs in a metro area and not being hired to anything (reflective of the terribly poor economy) and being faced with the very real possibility of losing my apartment/vehicle/cellphone, I have taken up employment as a webcam model in the adult entertainment industry. Its (relatively) anonymous, safe (I'm at home), and I choose my own hours. I'm making very nice money although I just started.
I'm very well educated and still plan to become a Ph.D. but have a few more years before I can let my education work for me.
I shared this w/ my ex-(r)abf and he's having trouble accepting it. I understand him wanting the best for me and generally that doesn't include doing what I'm doing for money, but I'm proud of myself. I'm doing what it takes to pay my bills and take care of myself, even in this terrible economy. And you know, I'd never admit it (haha) but its actually kind of fun! It's still work, yes, but its amazing that you get paid to have people compliment you like you've never heard! They even compliment you on things you don't even notice ("you have beautiful wrists" WTF?? LOL)
My family certainly doesn't need to know and neither do my friends. But I just wanted to see what you all think. Any experience you can share? I'm sure this goes w/out saying but I'm not looking for criticism. I'm a very sex-positive woman and was curious as to what other open minded, sex positive women have to say.
Thanks y'all! XOXOX
I'm very well educated and still plan to become a Ph.D. but have a few more years before I can let my education work for me.
I shared this w/ my ex-(r)abf and he's having trouble accepting it. I understand him wanting the best for me and generally that doesn't include doing what I'm doing for money, but I'm proud of myself. I'm doing what it takes to pay my bills and take care of myself, even in this terrible economy. And you know, I'd never admit it (haha) but its actually kind of fun! It's still work, yes, but its amazing that you get paid to have people compliment you like you've never heard! They even compliment you on things you don't even notice ("you have beautiful wrists" WTF?? LOL)
My family certainly doesn't need to know and neither do my friends. But I just wanted to see what you all think. Any experience you can share? I'm sure this goes w/out saying but I'm not looking for criticism. I'm a very sex-positive woman and was curious as to what other open minded, sex positive women have to say.
Thanks y'all! XOXOX
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
BF88,
No criticism from me, you've found something that works for you for now. I hope you continue to look for employment that may offer benefits (medical, dental, 401k, etc.)
If I weren't old and over weight I'd consider "alternative" work options for PT employment to dig myself out of the mess I have created for myself.
Good luck and be safe.
No criticism from me, you've found something that works for you for now. I hope you continue to look for employment that may offer benefits (medical, dental, 401k, etc.)
If I weren't old and over weight I'd consider "alternative" work options for PT employment to dig myself out of the mess I have created for myself.
Good luck and be safe.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 267
Good for you!
I dont have the body for it but several times when money was tight I considered doing the phone sex thing. Hubby was totally against it and I always had a kid or two at home. And anyone with kids knows that the only time your kids want to talk to you is when you are on the phone with someone else... lol.
I dont have the body for it but several times when money was tight I considered doing the phone sex thing. Hubby was totally against it and I always had a kid or two at home. And anyone with kids knows that the only time your kids want to talk to you is when you are on the phone with someone else... lol.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
HEY! Why not? IF you got it - flaunt it! Why not get paid for it at the same time! And the anonymity factor must be helpful!
Pretty brave of you to share it here... be careful though - cause there must be some real sickos out there (sure you have already come across some).
My ex's sister got into the phone biz of adult entertainment and it paid her way through nursing school. She is now the lead nurse on the floor making 6 figures a year!
As for your exrbf....... who cares what the heck he thinks!!!!! Ya know?!
Pretty brave of you to share it here... be careful though - cause there must be some real sickos out there (sure you have already come across some).
My ex's sister got into the phone biz of adult entertainment and it paid her way through nursing school. She is now the lead nurse on the floor making 6 figures a year!
As for your exrbf....... who cares what the heck he thinks!!!!! Ya know?!
learning to live for me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 215
Thanks y'all. You have made me feel really good!! (And you're right, suspicious, to this day I only think of things to tell my mom when she's on the phone haha)
Yeah, my biggest concern was safety and privacy. But so far as knowing other people's experiences, its hard because its not like most people mention those things over the dinner table! "Did you know your Aunt Sharon was a dancer during college?" LOL. Or any really successful people like your ex's sister, abundance. But seeing all these women I know they've gotta be out there!
I have been very surprised at how professional the admin. is. They're more kind and professional than any job I've worked so far (waitress, gift store, cashier, etc.) They don't talk down to you.
I looked into the phone sex operator too but you had to have a landline (which would have cost more money...though not much...they're pretty cheap). That's def. the most anonymous and safe!
Thanks for your input!
Yeah, my biggest concern was safety and privacy. But so far as knowing other people's experiences, its hard because its not like most people mention those things over the dinner table! "Did you know your Aunt Sharon was a dancer during college?" LOL. Or any really successful people like your ex's sister, abundance. But seeing all these women I know they've gotta be out there!
I have been very surprised at how professional the admin. is. They're more kind and professional than any job I've worked so far (waitress, gift store, cashier, etc.) They don't talk down to you.
I looked into the phone sex operator too but you had to have a landline (which would have cost more money...though not much...they're pretty cheap). That's def. the most anonymous and safe!
Thanks for your input!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((breakingfree)))))
We do what we have to do to keep a roof over our heads, utilities paid and food in the fridge, along with heat and hot water, lol
You know, we know, this is nothing permanent, you found a solution for now. GOOD FOR YOU!
At 6 years sober living in a small town in Northeastern Nevada the only job I could get, while waiting for an opening in administrative out at one of the Gold Mines was .......................... bartending in a legal brothel. So, I took it, after all my AA program told me that IF I had a 'legitimate' reason for being there, it would be alight. And ........................... it was.
I had a ball, it was fun, the ladies were great, and most of the clients were gentlemen.
It really was a fun job and lasted over 6 months.
No judgments here. Nope, I'm proud of you that you found a solution FOR NOW.
You go girl!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
We do what we have to do to keep a roof over our heads, utilities paid and food in the fridge, along with heat and hot water, lol
You know, we know, this is nothing permanent, you found a solution for now. GOOD FOR YOU!
At 6 years sober living in a small town in Northeastern Nevada the only job I could get, while waiting for an opening in administrative out at one of the Gold Mines was .......................... bartending in a legal brothel. So, I took it, after all my AA program told me that IF I had a 'legitimate' reason for being there, it would be alight. And ........................... it was.
I had a ball, it was fun, the ladies were great, and most of the clients were gentlemen.
It really was a fun job and lasted over 6 months.
No judgments here. Nope, I'm proud of you that you found a solution FOR NOW.
You go girl!!!!!!
Love and hugs,
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I'm glad you found some way to maintain the whole food and shelter thing. Whatever works that's legal......no worries.
It is interesting that you ask for opinions but only want to hear from the folks who agree with what you are doing....I suspect if you were truly comfortable with it, you wouldn't care what anyone had to say.
Good luck with the gig and with your PhD work! People compliment you on your wrists?? How funny!
hugs, HG
It is interesting that you ask for opinions but only want to hear from the folks who agree with what you are doing....I suspect if you were truly comfortable with it, you wouldn't care what anyone had to say.
Good luck with the gig and with your PhD work! People compliment you on your wrists?? How funny!
hugs, HG
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
If you do a search, you will find that the adult entertainment industry has a high percentage of behind-the-scenes professional women calling the shots. Granted there is a lot of internet nasty out there, but in recent years the professional industry has grown a big segment that is not only geared toward women but is written, produced, managed, and marketed by women.
I say make the most of it, keep yourself safe, stick to what your own limits and morals dictate, and be happy to that you have found a job that you enjoy clocking in for.
So what's the dress code for something like that? Gives a new meaning to the phrase "Casual Fridays." LOL!
I say make the most of it, keep yourself safe, stick to what your own limits and morals dictate, and be happy to that you have found a job that you enjoy clocking in for.
So what's the dress code for something like that? Gives a new meaning to the phrase "Casual Fridays." LOL!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
"I'm sure this goes w/out saying but I'm not looking for criticism. I'm a very sex-positive woman and was curious as to what other open minded, sex positive women have to say."
What exactly does your post have to do with recovery? Just because your ex-boyfriend is an addict and/or alcoholic and has a problem with what you told him you have chosen to do to make money? My response, and it seems to me your entire post, has nothing to do with being sex-positive or open-minded. I won't and don't encourage you to do anything but seek recovery. I thought this site was for the friends and family of substance abusers and assumed it was to encourage eachother in our lives and our caring for and coping with folks. It sounds to me that you just want people to take your side in your argument with your ex. Why would you tell him what you are doing in the first place, if he's your ex? To each his own, it's your journey and your life, just my opinion, something for you to think about in examining your own self and your own behavior.
What exactly does your post have to do with recovery? Just because your ex-boyfriend is an addict and/or alcoholic and has a problem with what you told him you have chosen to do to make money? My response, and it seems to me your entire post, has nothing to do with being sex-positive or open-minded. I won't and don't encourage you to do anything but seek recovery. I thought this site was for the friends and family of substance abusers and assumed it was to encourage eachother in our lives and our caring for and coping with folks. It sounds to me that you just want people to take your side in your argument with your ex. Why would you tell him what you are doing in the first place, if he's your ex? To each his own, it's your journey and your life, just my opinion, something for you to think about in examining your own self and your own behavior.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,307
What exactly does your post have to do with recovery?
This is a place of anonymity ....... and she feels SAFE to come and share something that she does not feel comfortable sharing with her friends or her family.
I applaud her for having the COURAGE to come and post what she is doing IN HER RECOVERY!!!!!!!!!!
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Well, you don't have to yell at me. I am new to this website and I was stating what I understood we were supposed to be discussing, because I did not understand what her post had to do with recovery. I wasn't judging, I can't answer whether or not some other job would be "suitable," because I don't even know what "suitable" means in this case, and I said "to each his own." In my recovery, I have specifically learned that we often want to be "right" and think we are "right" with everything because "THEY are the one with the problem, right?" I was merely pointing out that the poster could reflect on herself regarding this. To me there IS no right or wrong.
I would like to add for your information that I have a cognitive disability and I don't always say things the "right" way. So, thanks so much for making me feel so welcome (sarcasm).
I would like to add for your information that I have a cognitive disability and I don't always say things the "right" way. So, thanks so much for making me feel so welcome (sarcasm).
learning to live for me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 215
Abundance,
Thanks girl! That's how I felt, that I could (for once! LOL) share something about my life and how I am in recovery...doin' my own thing!!
And hydro,
you're right, it is interesting that I only requested advice from sex-positive women. But I only said that b/c I'm not looking for a moral talk-to from someone that doesn't agree.
Its fine if people don't agree! But they need not waste their time sharing why.
I figured if they didn't approve, then they probably wouldn't have any experience to share. LOL.
A bartender in a brothel...girl I bet that was interesting!!
I was reading in one of Melody Beattie's books and the drift I got from her was that when you're in survival mode, don't be ashamed of what you've got to do to get by.
I'm doing what it takes (and its legal) so I think its pretty awesome. I'm delighted by the discussion this has started amongst us.
Thanks for everybody's story!
Thanks girl! That's how I felt, that I could (for once! LOL) share something about my life and how I am in recovery...doin' my own thing!!
And hydro,
you're right, it is interesting that I only requested advice from sex-positive women. But I only said that b/c I'm not looking for a moral talk-to from someone that doesn't agree.
Its fine if people don't agree! But they need not waste their time sharing why.
I figured if they didn't approve, then they probably wouldn't have any experience to share. LOL.
A bartender in a brothel...girl I bet that was interesting!!
I was reading in one of Melody Beattie's books and the drift I got from her was that when you're in survival mode, don't be ashamed of what you've got to do to get by.
I'm doing what it takes (and its legal) so I think its pretty awesome. I'm delighted by the discussion this has started amongst us.
Thanks for everybody's story!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I just wanted to add, hoping to help Learn2Live, is that recovery has many aspects that don't just evolve around coping with an addict.
Many loved ones suffer damage to their self esteem and self worth, their finances, and their ability to make healthy decisions for themselves. So many are abused emotionally and physically and don't even think they can be loved on their own terms.
Separating from an addict spouse or boyfriend can be daunting, as is the case for me. I do not earn enough to support myself away from my ABF, and my road to financial freedom is a big part of my recovery and regaining of my identity having left a stressful career years ago.
I get where breakingfree88 is coming from in that making the decision, when she did not find work elsewhere, to take this job was in part exciting but scandalous. It puts her body and her sexuality in the forefront, where she may not have had that kind of freedom and sexual exploration previously with her addicted boyfriend. Sexual intimacy and identities are real casualties of addiction. You'll find that topic discussed on the forums often.
I am not shaking my finger at any one in any way. I think the subject is fascinating. Recovery is comple, indivualized, and takes a lot of forms. Music that inspires us, exercising, dieting, good sleep, it all plays a roll.
Hope this enhances the thread rather than hijack it.
Smooches,
Alice
Many loved ones suffer damage to their self esteem and self worth, their finances, and their ability to make healthy decisions for themselves. So many are abused emotionally and physically and don't even think they can be loved on their own terms.
Separating from an addict spouse or boyfriend can be daunting, as is the case for me. I do not earn enough to support myself away from my ABF, and my road to financial freedom is a big part of my recovery and regaining of my identity having left a stressful career years ago.
I get where breakingfree88 is coming from in that making the decision, when she did not find work elsewhere, to take this job was in part exciting but scandalous. It puts her body and her sexuality in the forefront, where she may not have had that kind of freedom and sexual exploration previously with her addicted boyfriend. Sexual intimacy and identities are real casualties of addiction. You'll find that topic discussed on the forums often.
I am not shaking my finger at any one in any way. I think the subject is fascinating. Recovery is comple, indivualized, and takes a lot of forms. Music that inspires us, exercising, dieting, good sleep, it all plays a roll.
Hope this enhances the thread rather than hijack it.
Smooches,
Alice
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Thank you so much for your kind explanation. It made me realize that even though we have so much in common, we are also different in many ways. Because I have always been fortunate enough, when things would fall apart in each of my relationships, that I had enough brothers and sisters to take me in. I never had my own place alone until I was about 35 years old. I always lived with someone (boyfriends, roommates, family) because I was no where near able to afford a place on my own. But now I am!!! 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
Originally Posted by breakingfree88 
After applying for over 100 jobs in a metro area and not being hired to anything (reflective of the terribly poor economy) and being faced with the very real possibility of losing my apartment/vehicle/cellphone, I have taken up employment as a webcam model in the adult entertainment industry. Its (relatively) anonymous, safe (I'm at home), and I choose my own hours. I'm making very nice money although I just started.
I'm very well educated and still plan to become a Ph.D. but have a few more years before I can let my education work for me.
I shared this w/ my ex-(r)abf and he's having trouble accepting it. I understand him wanting the best for me and generally that doesn't include doing what I'm doing for money, but I'm proud of myself. I'm doing what it takes to pay my bills and take care of myself, even in this terrible economy. And you know, I'd never admit it (haha) but its actually kind of fun! It's still work, yes, but its amazing that you get paid to have people compliment you like you've never heard! They even compliment you on things you don't even notice ("you have beautiful wrists" WTF?? LOL)
My family certainly doesn't need to know and neither do my friends. But I just wanted to see what you all think. Any experience you can share? I'm sure this goes w/out saying but I'm not looking for criticism. I'm a very sex-positive woman and was curious as to what other open minded, sex positive women have to say.
Thanks y'all! XOXOX
I'm very well educated and still plan to become a Ph.D. but have a few more years before I can let my education work for me.
I shared this w/ my ex-(r)abf and he's having trouble accepting it. I understand him wanting the best for me and generally that doesn't include doing what I'm doing for money, but I'm proud of myself. I'm doing what it takes to pay my bills and take care of myself, even in this terrible economy. And you know, I'd never admit it (haha) but its actually kind of fun! It's still work, yes, but its amazing that you get paid to have people compliment you like you've never heard! They even compliment you on things you don't even notice ("you have beautiful wrists" WTF?? LOL)
My family certainly doesn't need to know and neither do my friends. But I just wanted to see what you all think. Any experience you can share? I'm sure this goes w/out saying but I'm not looking for criticism. I'm a very sex-positive woman and was curious as to what other open minded, sex positive women have to say.
Thanks y'all! XOXOX
I'm just curious exactly what it is you do. I've heard of women who are recorded during their daily activities at home including when they might be undressing for their shower or changing clothes. Then people pay to turn it on whenever they want I suppose hoping to catch a glimpse of something sexual OR is it more like a little performance you put on?
Just curious.....
KariSue
learning to live for me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: East Coast, US
Posts: 215
Its a performance haha. I've seen those to with the webcam on at all times. I don't know how those girls would do that! Basically you talk with members for free in a chat and try to "tempt" them into taking you private, where they pay by the minute to talk privately with you, see you dance, remove your clothes, or sometimes they just want to see your hands or your smile. Its pretty interesting that there's a market for it. haha.
Alice,
Thank you SO much for explaining it SO beautifully to everyone. I couldn't have said it better myself! Its exactly how I feel, liberated and scandalous at the same time. My sexuality is out in the forefront, and having men tell me I'm perfect is something I'm not used to! Finding a way to support myself has always been very important to me, and I'm so happy that I could reach out to all of you and have you share your ES&H!
Alice,
Thank you SO much for explaining it SO beautifully to everyone. I couldn't have said it better myself! Its exactly how I feel, liberated and scandalous at the same time. My sexuality is out in the forefront, and having men tell me I'm perfect is something I'm not used to! Finding a way to support myself has always been very important to me, and I'm so happy that I could reach out to all of you and have you share your ES&H!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 590
Originally Posted by breakingfree88
Its a performance haha. I've seen those to with the webcam on at all times. I don't know how those girls would do that! Basically you talk with members for free in a chat and try to "tempt" them into taking you private, where they pay by the minute to talk privately with you, see you dance, remove your clothes, or sometimes they just want to see your hands or your smile. Its pretty interesting that there's a market for it. haha.
Alice,
Thank you SO much for explaining it SO beautifully to everyone. I couldn't have said it better myself! Its exactly how I feel, liberated and scandalous at the same time. My sexuality is out in the forefront, and having men tell me I'm perfect is something I'm not used to! Finding a way to support myself has always been very important to me, and I'm so happy that I could reach out to all of you and have you share your ES&H!
Alice,
Thank you SO much for explaining it SO beautifully to everyone. I couldn't have said it better myself! Its exactly how I feel, liberated and scandalous at the same time. My sexuality is out in the forefront, and having men tell me I'm perfect is something I'm not used to! Finding a way to support myself has always been very important to me, and I'm so happy that I could reach out to all of you and have you share your ES&H!
KariSue
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
breakingfree...
I could never judge you for what you are doing... an honest living is an honest living.. at least you are not out there stealing, selling drugs or mooching off someone.. You are out there in this very harsh economy trying to make it...
I haven't had to walk in your shoes yet... but if I did I would probably do anything and everything I could that was legal to put food on the table.. yes even if it meant working in the Adult Entertainment Industry..
Recovery is about taking care of ourselves and you sound perfectly ok with your job and thats all that matters... again.. it's putting food on the table and keeping a roof over your head.. and you are not hurting anyone.
Good Luck
Jen
I could never judge you for what you are doing... an honest living is an honest living.. at least you are not out there stealing, selling drugs or mooching off someone.. You are out there in this very harsh economy trying to make it...
I haven't had to walk in your shoes yet... but if I did I would probably do anything and everything I could that was legal to put food on the table.. yes even if it meant working in the Adult Entertainment Industry..
Recovery is about taking care of ourselves and you sound perfectly ok with your job and thats all that matters... again.. it's putting food on the table and keeping a roof over your head.. and you are not hurting anyone.
Good Luck
Jen
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
