want2bfreenow

Hello! In my last thread I posted about how my AH had been sober for 30+ days, was working on all his issues, communicating and that I really thought that eventually I would let him come back home and we would save our marriage. Now, not so much.

He says he is close to 60 days sober, but three times in the last week or so when I have talked to him at night he sounded like he had been drinking. I could be wrong, but I don't think so. He started to put the pressure on about coming back and I told him I needed time and he needs to earn my trust again. I was honest and told him that some days I think it's really going to work, and others I just don't know, and right now my priority is providing a loving, healthy peaceful home for my son and myself. He said he would not contact me for a while to give me time to sort through my feelings. Well that lasted all of about less than 24 hours. Then he went right back to his drunken, fighting ways of calling names, insulting, placing the blame for everything on me and being really mean. At the end of the conversation he said take all the time you need and I told him I don't need anymore time, I'm done, and I meant it.

I've been praying for guidance in this decision. I've felt in my gut that the right thing to do was move on, but still was not sure so yesterday I prayed for a slap in the face type sign and I am wondering if this was it! LOL I know it's going to be hard just because any major life change is hard, but it's also going to be for the best. I have a feeling I'm in for a rough road though getting him to accept it and figuring out everything, but I'm sure it will be worth it in the end.

laurie6781

Sounds like you are on the road to recovery for you and your son. Also sounds like you got your 'slap in the face.'

I would like to make a suggestion though, please start looking for an attorney tomorrow. The first 1/2 hour to hour of consult with many good attorneys is 'pro bono.' Cover your butt LEGALLY.

And remember, you need not go for a 'divorce' but a 'legal separation' instead. Thus because of his ACTIONS, he still has some 'responsibilities.' You can also ask for 'supervised visitation' since he has alcohol problems.

Legal Separation with No Contact except about your son, will give you time to 'work on you' and really decide what you want for you and your son.

Might I also suggest trying some Al-Anon meetings, or a Therapist who specializes in addictions. This too can be a GREAT help.

Please please, keep posting and let us know how you are doing and how we can help support you, as we do care so very much.

Love and hugs,

want2bfreenow

Thank you so much for the spot on advice Laurie! Actually though, I am a legal assistant so I have an office full of attorneys at my disposal, so that's covered. Also, my son is not his so that will not be an issue.

I do plan on attending Alanon. The meetings near me are Mondays and Wednesdays at 8 p.m. and unfortunately, my son has had baseball games every Monday and Wednesday. The season is almost over though, so I am definitely going to go. I've also just picked up the book Co-Dependent No More.

Thank you again!