Wisdom of the Rooms
Miracles Happen
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Wisdom of the Rooms
July 6, 2009
Quote of the Week
"Friends are God's apology for your relatives."
When I was new I had very few healthy boundaries, and I especially had little defense against the observations, suggestions, judgments and criticisms of my family members. Someone once said that your relatives know how to push your buttons because they were the ones that put them there. I quickly found out how true that was.
At first my reaction was to try to explain what recovery was, how the meetings worked and why I needed them. After that didn't work, I severely limited my contact and involvement with them and instead focused on the new friends I was meeting in the rooms. What a blessing not to have to travel the road alone, and the bonds I formed literally saved my life.
As the years passed and I discovered a sense of who I really was, I began to reengage with my relatives and found that while I had changed, they basically had remained the same. Accepting the limits of those relationships was hard at first, but over time the unconditional love and understanding of my new family of friends helped provide me with the close connections I had always craved.
Today I am learning to improve my relationships with my relatives, and my friends are showing me how.
Quote of the Week
"Friends are God's apology for your relatives."
When I was new I had very few healthy boundaries, and I especially had little defense against the observations, suggestions, judgments and criticisms of my family members. Someone once said that your relatives know how to push your buttons because they were the ones that put them there. I quickly found out how true that was.
At first my reaction was to try to explain what recovery was, how the meetings worked and why I needed them. After that didn't work, I severely limited my contact and involvement with them and instead focused on the new friends I was meeting in the rooms. What a blessing not to have to travel the road alone, and the bonds I formed literally saved my life.
As the years passed and I discovered a sense of who I really was, I began to reengage with my relatives and found that while I had changed, they basically had remained the same. Accepting the limits of those relationships was hard at first, but over time the unconditional love and understanding of my new family of friends helped provide me with the close connections I had always craved.
Today I am learning to improve my relationships with my relatives, and my friends are showing me how.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
It's so very true. I just shared an email with all of my girlfriends. I did send one on the side to my sister because she's my sis, love her. However my friends right now are my biggest support system. Them and this site. So true. I've seen so many people fight to have a relationship with family that just doesn't act like "family" and I know it hurts. Sometimes they really are more harm then good. Some of grew up with the dysfunction of living with them and you're right, some people just don't change. But we do.
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 46
Thank you so much for posting this Believe808. I really needed this right now.
Yesterday was the first day that I had spoken to my husband in 6days, and heard my self say out loud that "I am an alcoholic".
But I'm finding while I have finally arrived in acceptance, I am finding tons of emotion to deal with. But my husband thinks I'm still the same person like I was last week before the can of worms were open. I guess what I'm trying to say here is, I need to start going to meetings. I need to surround myself with people who I can relate with, who can teach me.
Thanks again
Liz
Yesterday was the first day that I had spoken to my husband in 6days, and heard my self say out loud that "I am an alcoholic".
But I'm finding while I have finally arrived in acceptance, I am finding tons of emotion to deal with. But my husband thinks I'm still the same person like I was last week before the can of worms were open. I guess what I'm trying to say here is, I need to start going to meetings. I need to surround myself with people who I can relate with, who can teach me.
Thanks again
Liz
Last edited by happy2balive; 07-07-2009 at 07:56 AM. Reason: reword
Miracles Happen
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
I need to surround myself with people who I can relate with, who can teach me.
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