luciddreamrgrl

I am still new to this and only 3 weeks into leaving my XABF. You all have been so wonderful and I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am going to be a lifelong member of this forum and I want to help anyone and everyone that I can.

I thought it might be interesting to post the things that we have learned through leaving and or staying with our ABF's, AGF's, AH's or AW's. So here goes mine...

1. Almost everywhere you go and everyone you meet, has a similar story or situation to my own. I find it helps in speaking about my problems openly with these people. There is no shame in asking for support.

2. My child is, and always will be, my most important thing in my life. Every decision I make effects him!

3. I learned that I have value! I have so much to offer people and I will never be afraid of not being able to find someone. When I first got divorced from my non alcoholic ex husband, I thought no one would want an overweight woman with a child. I was proved wrong once. I will have success in the future.

4. Love is the most important thing! I have learned to recognize wether I'm truly loved or not. I was strong enough to get out of a situation where I was not number 1. If I can make it through this, I can make it through anything.

Please share everyone. We need to motivate each other and maybe even learn from each other.

Light and Love,

Sarah

GiveLove

I learned that when I redirected all the energy I was pouring into an alcoholic partner -- all the stress, anxiety, anger, fear, doubt, and pain --- and poured it into myself instead, that life could be a really amazing, joyful adventure. No one could've convinced me of that before, because one of the first casualties of my relationship was...faith.

MycoolFitz

Just an aside Luciddreamgirl. Do you experience lucid dreaming,I do? Lately in sobriety I am dreaming that I'm drinking then in my dream I remember I'm dreaming and think, even though this is a dream I can't let myself drink. Being a dream and not waking "reality" doesn't let me off the don't drink committment. Weird but even in lucid dreaming I know I can't let myself off the hook. I don't know many true lucid dreamers.

luciddreamrgrl

Yes I do! I haven't in awhile now. I usually only do when I go through periods of high stress. I have been a natural lucid dreamer since a child. Hence, my screen name that I've used my whole life. I have always been "lucid" in the computer world. I think that's wonderful that you don't drink when you are lucid dreaming. That shows a true commitment. We know in our dreams that we can do anything we want as a release. If you have that kind of control, even in your subconscious, thats wonderful!

I will never forget my first experience with lucid dreaming. I was young. I was sitting in a beautiful park with pink flowers on the trees and everything was glowing. I was sitting on a park bench. At that moment, I realized I was dreaming and wanted to do nothing but lay in the grass that was illuminated with light. I felt like I was in my own heaven. I wanted to do nothing but breath in the beauty and that I did! It lasted only a few minutes, but the memory has lasted a lifetime. Feel free to PM me for tips and to share your experiences.

hotamale

i'm so proud of you lucid! and, i totally agree with you. i read a lot of the posts here to remind myself of my weaknesses (some parts of codependence), and just to read and feel connected, and to get stronger.

so, keep it up! and, thanks!

ItsmeAlice

I have learned that I'd been making a lot of decisions in my life based on what was the easier option probably out of fear or self doubt. I also put a lot of pressure on myself to never fail. I didn't start out this way. I was defiant, confident, and independent. I was determined to try and fail just to spite my parents who always told me not to bother and that I couldn't do things.

Now that I don't spend my time cheerleading my ABF to meet his goals (lot of good that ever did) but have instead started cheerleading myself, I am purposefully taking the steep inclines, and the rockier roads through daily decisions, if anything, just to make life more challenging, and to learn that failure is just a learning process, not the end of the world.

If I can't decide what to do, I ask myself what my first instinct is, then promptly try another tack. It was the self-doubting, lives in denial, old me that got me here. The new revisit-from-my youth me will get me out!

If at first you don't succeed...vent about it on SR...go to bed early....and try again tomorrow.

Alice

whyamistaying

I don't have anything specific and will come back in a bit, but wanted to say how grateful I am for SR. I have been reading and reading and learning so much. Still not "there" yet, but I am glad I finally had the guts to post instead of lurking.

luciddreamrgrl

Thanks for the inspiring posts everyone!

I wanted to say that I learned something new today. That I am stronger than I thought. I'm on day 5 of no contact and I don't feel the least bit of urge to contact him. My days go up and down, but I feel like I'm moving forward a lot faster than I thought I would.

sandrawg

Good for you!!!

I am only on day 3. I have been really, really missing him, but it's kind of like thought-stopping--when I start thinking I want to email him or something, I just think about the things he said to me on Friday, and it reminds me of the mindset he's in and that he's not capable of being a good partner to me, and then I don't want to do it anymore.

DesertEyes

I learned this right her on SR, adapt as needed

"No woman is worth crying over, and the one that is won't make you."

Mike

want2bfreenow

I have learned that the right decision is usually the hardest one to make, and hopefully, I will soon learn that I am strong enought to stick to it!