I had been quit for a yr in june
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I had been quit for a yr in june
Don't know why I drank again in June..........same old stupid story, I guess.......a good friend who i used to drink with invited us over...........next day felt like I was attacked with a sledgehammer..........thought I would not drink again........10 days later did the same thing............now, this past wkend.........4th of July, to be exact, I decided to drink again............how easily I forget..........I haven't had a drink since the fourth, but, I still feel like crap..........yesterday, I had to eat like a horse, just to feel a bit of normal...........and then today, I woke up after a fitful night of tossing and turning to horrible aches and pains........oh, and the best part of all----swollen eyes...........they are just sooo swollen.............and I am puffier than you can imagine..........all last year while I was sober I worked out really hard and finally had myself in great shape..........not now! just that short little blowout has totally put me back into swollen, puffy and devastated...........
anyhow........more later........glad this site exists
anyhow........more later........glad this site exists
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Join Date: Apr 2009
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Originally Posted by kgarrison 
Don't know why I drank again in June..........same old stupid story, I guess
I found that I always had some insanely trivial reason for picking up that first drink. I knew what the consequences were, but that insane idea that this time will be different always won out for me. Truth was, I had no better idea why I drank than anyone else had. Sometimes I had excuses that seemed to justify it, but when I looked at them honestly, they were just excuses.
This would be a really good question to answer for yourself. Did you have a good reason to drink, knowing how you would be feeling a couple weeks later?
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Welcome to soberrecovery.org (SR) kgarrison.Sounds like your going to continue with your recovery...that's fantastic because a great many people don't return to recovery after a relapse. SR is a great addition to ones addiction treatment program...so I hope to see you around
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Originally Posted by keithj
I found that I always had some insanely trivial reason for picking up that first drink. I knew what the consequences were, but that insane idea that this time will be different always won out for me. Truth was, I had no better idea why I drank than anyone else had. Sometimes I had excuses that seemed to justify it, but when I looked at them honestly, they were just excuses.
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Relapse happens. I once drank to celebrate my 6 month chip. Addiction is a brain disease, one of the symptoms is studidity, also stubborness which gets us back in the saddle after getting bucked all to Hell. Get back on and enjoy the ride buckaroo--of course, unlike rodeo, there's no buzzer going off to let you know the rides over.
“For practitioners or spiritual warriors—people who have a certain hunger to know what is true—feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
From: When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron.
“For practitioners or spiritual warriors—people who have a certain hunger to know what is true—feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
From: When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron.
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Originally Posted by kgarrison
Don't know why I drank again in June..........same old stupid story, I guess.......a good friend who i used to drink with invited us over...........next day felt like I was attacked with a sledgehammer..........thought I would not drink again........10 days later did the same thing............now, this past wkend.........4th of July, to be exact, I decided to drink again............how easily I forget..........I haven't had a drink since the fourth, but, I still feel like crap..........yesterday, I had to eat like a horse, just to feel a bit of normal...........and then today, I woke up after a fitful night of tossing and turning to horrible aches and pains........oh, and the best part of all----swollen eyes...........they are just sooo swollen.............and I am puffier than you can imagine..........all last year while I was sober I worked out really hard and finally had myself in great shape..........not now! just that short little blowout has totally put me back into swollen, puffy and devastated...........
anyhow........more later........glad this site exists
anyhow........more later........glad this site exists
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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thanks everyone......not sure what the reason was...........wasn't angry or sad or excited..........just an old hangout/drinking partner.......loved those old times with him/them...........however, the drinking brought nothing but a hellacious hangover that lasted two days and utter remorse.........still assessing the whys
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thanks, everyone......yes. I am hopping back on that horse! I know after a year of sobriety that life is a million times better sober.......I usually have a wonderful routine.....get up.....work out a bit.....go to pool for an hour or so......come home.........get on computer.........shower........go run errands......come home....relax, have dinner, rent a movie........go to sleep and sleep wonderfully, I might add.........now, I do work, so many times that gets thrown into the mix!!, but feel great while doing so!
I've read alot over the past few years, specifically regarding addiction and alcoholism and both topics separately.........I believe the physical addiction is not the reason we drink..........many people, including myself recognize it to be a psychological addiction.......and I appreciate many of you trying to get me to focus on what I was FEELING before I decided to drink.........and the odd part is......I think about that quite a bit..........I just cannot put my finger on the trigger...........one time----during this past June when I drank, I had gone to vegas for business/pleasure...........I rarely gamble.......once a yr at best, but, whenever I gamble, I drink...........so, of course, this past time........I did not drink for many hours while I sat there and threw (unfortunately) my money away.........but, I fought the urge soooo very hard and finally I caved in and got a beer---which is my drink of choice.........of course.......then things spiralled downward..........I got drunk blew more money and then felt shame, guilt and a terrible hangover the next day........
I think that time it was just the association that being in a casino brings to me...........casino/gambling=urge to drink..........so, I need to stay out of the casinos and that is not a hard thing to do........
next I think it's certain friends.........they are from a time in my life when I was younger and could hang out and drink, then function the next day.........everyone was highly successful, but all heavy drinkers.........I cannot handle it at all anymore.......not one bit not one drop.......death is a mild term for the state of my being the next day.........I am pathetic and destroyed.........the amount I can drink now is NOTHING like I could in the past..........and to top that off..........I am immobolized the next day........so, here I am.......back to my routine.........loving the sober life........knowing that it's the only life for me........
I've read alot over the past few years, specifically regarding addiction and alcoholism and both topics separately.........I believe the physical addiction is not the reason we drink..........many people, including myself recognize it to be a psychological addiction.......and I appreciate many of you trying to get me to focus on what I was FEELING before I decided to drink.........and the odd part is......I think about that quite a bit..........I just cannot put my finger on the trigger...........one time----during this past June when I drank, I had gone to vegas for business/pleasure...........I rarely gamble.......once a yr at best, but, whenever I gamble, I drink...........so, of course, this past time........I did not drink for many hours while I sat there and threw (unfortunately) my money away.........but, I fought the urge soooo very hard and finally I caved in and got a beer---which is my drink of choice.........of course.......then things spiralled downward..........I got drunk blew more money and then felt shame, guilt and a terrible hangover the next day........
I think that time it was just the association that being in a casino brings to me...........casino/gambling=urge to drink..........so, I need to stay out of the casinos and that is not a hard thing to do........
next I think it's certain friends.........they are from a time in my life when I was younger and could hang out and drink, then function the next day.........everyone was highly successful, but all heavy drinkers.........I cannot handle it at all anymore.......not one bit not one drop.......death is a mild term for the state of my being the next day.........I am pathetic and destroyed.........the amount I can drink now is NOTHING like I could in the past..........and to top that off..........I am immobolized the next day........so, here I am.......back to my routine.........loving the sober life........knowing that it's the only life for me........
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Originally Posted by kgarrison
I think about that quite a bit..........I just cannot put my finger on the trigger...
And we can run around identifying triggers and staying out of certain situations as best we can, but there always came a day for me when I found myself drunk without intending to be. And then I did the work, took the steps, and recovered. Today I'm free to live my life without fear or avoidance.
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Comedian the late and great Mitch Hedberg had a skit that said Alcholism is the only disease you get yelled at for having "Goddamn it Jim you are an alcoholic, Goddamn it Jim you have Lupis:". It is true, people fail to realize it is as hard as anything. If we can relate to this, we have a connection. Get back on the hill....get hiking
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