Dog gone 4th of July!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
Dog gone 4th of July!
Well everyone. I relapsed. Not sure why, other than I guess I just made a stupid decision. I made it 5 days without a drop, but then on friday all the family came around and we were hanging out at the lake cabin. And as always, beer and margaritas were there. I actually decided in my mind ahead of time that I was going to have a couple and see what happened. Well, I had a couple, and then a couple more..... you know how it goes. I never got totally smashed but did get a buzz. I did this for 3 days. Now here it is Monday and I just feel ashamed. I am mad because now I have to go through this whole stupid detox thing again and I just got through it before I started drinking again.
I am mostly just disappointed in myself that I am not strong enough to just not have any. So, I am embarking on this journey again. My anxiety is back and I am just exhausted.
Also, I just got the results of a sleep study that I had done 2 weeks ago, and it turns out that I have sleep apnea. So I get fitted with a C-PAP machine today. Hoping that makes me feel more rested and energetic so that I won't need the alcohol to feel good.
Wish me luck as I start this stupid process over..... AGAIN!
I am mostly just disappointed in myself that I am not strong enough to just not have any. So, I am embarking on this journey again. My anxiety is back and I am just exhausted.
Also, I just got the results of a sleep study that I had done 2 weeks ago, and it turns out that I have sleep apnea. So I get fitted with a C-PAP machine today. Hoping that makes me feel more rested and energetic so that I won't need the alcohol to feel good.
Wish me luck as I start this stupid process over..... AGAIN!
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,243
Hi bdiddy,
Most of us have some bumps along the way. Chalk it up as a learning experience and remember that you still were sober for those five days. What is important is that we let it go and move on with our sobriety.
For me I needed a recovery program to immerse myself in to keep on the right track.
Most of us have some bumps along the way. Chalk it up as a learning experience and remember that you still were sober for those five days. What is important is that we let it go and move on with our sobriety.
For me I needed a recovery program to immerse myself in to keep on the right track.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: WI
Posts: 72
It seems as though this weekend was hard on a lot of people. Just pick yourself up and start again. Maybe think of this as a learning experience and remember how you feel right now the next time you're tempted again.
Good luck with your CPAP machine, my brother-in-law uses one and he couldn't believe how much better he felt once he got it!
Good luck with your CPAP machine, my brother-in-law uses one and he couldn't believe how much better he felt once he got it!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Like others have said I think most of us didn't get this first go, bdiddy.
Don't beat yrself up, but don\t blame the occasion....and do ask yourself why it happened - why did you think this way for example?
I don't need an answer - just throwing stuff out there 
it's good you're back here with us
D
Don't beat yrself up, but don\t blame the occasion....and do ask yourself why it happened - why did you think this way for example?
I actually decided in my mind ahead of time that I was going to have a couple and see what happened.
it's good you're back here with us
D
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 285
Thanks for sharing that. Had my own close calls over the holiday weekend. I have a couple observations, take them or leave them:
Your "strength" relative to being able to abstain from alcohol consumption is a non-issue. It has nothing to do with will-power or personal strength--you have a disease that you alone can't control. This is where the first three steps of AA come in handy. Accepting powerlessness and unmanagibility is a good place to start because it helps you to accept reality as it is--that is, you can't control your drinking (right?). Next, once you accept this, not just admit it, you can recognize yourself as you are and move forward knowing that you will have cravings and urges and you need help to overcome them. Embracing God if you believe in that is great, if not, rely on other people that have been in the same posistion as you, other alcoholics (and not just online). A practical piece of advice would be to avoid situations with alcohol until you can handle them. There is no reason to be at a party with 5 days sober unless it's your daughter's wedding.
On the sleep apnea thing: maybe you do have it, but did you explain your drinking patterns honestly before you took the tests? If you didn't, you can't really rely on the results. Alcohol completely throws off the neurochemistry of your brain and can cause you to be symptomatic with all kinds of mental health things that appear legit to a professional ignorant of your drinking, but in reality just a byproduct of it. I was diagnosed with all kinds of stuff that I learned later was just alcohol. I apologize for the long-winded post. Good luck.
Your "strength" relative to being able to abstain from alcohol consumption is a non-issue. It has nothing to do with will-power or personal strength--you have a disease that you alone can't control. This is where the first three steps of AA come in handy. Accepting powerlessness and unmanagibility is a good place to start because it helps you to accept reality as it is--that is, you can't control your drinking (right?). Next, once you accept this, not just admit it, you can recognize yourself as you are and move forward knowing that you will have cravings and urges and you need help to overcome them. Embracing God if you believe in that is great, if not, rely on other people that have been in the same posistion as you, other alcoholics (and not just online). A practical piece of advice would be to avoid situations with alcohol until you can handle them. There is no reason to be at a party with 5 days sober unless it's your daughter's wedding.
On the sleep apnea thing: maybe you do have it, but did you explain your drinking patterns honestly before you took the tests? If you didn't, you can't really rely on the results. Alcohol completely throws off the neurochemistry of your brain and can cause you to be symptomatic with all kinds of mental health things that appear legit to a professional ignorant of your drinking, but in reality just a byproduct of it. I was diagnosed with all kinds of stuff that I learned later was just alcohol. I apologize for the long-winded post. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by hendershot 
Your "strength" relative to being able to abstain from alcohol consumption is a non-issue. It has nothing to do with will-power or personal strength--you have a disease that you alone can't control. This is where the first three steps of AA come in handy. Accepting powerlessness and unmanagibility is a good place to start because it helps you to accept reality as it is--that is, you can't control your drinking (right?). Next, once you accept this, not just admit it, you can recognize yourself as you are and move forward knowing that you will have cravings and urges and you need help to overcome them.
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
Welcome back:ghug3 we don't shoot our wounded
I spent two years trying to figure out why I drank did I feel: sad, glad, mad, had, until I noticed that it didn't matter what mood I was in. Alcoholics drink because we are alcoholics. When we accept that then "the doctors opinion" makes perfect sense. A hopeless situation we are in and "unless this person can experience a complete psychic change there is very little hope for his recovery."
I spent two years trying to figure out why I drank did I feel: sad, glad, mad, had, until I noticed that it didn't matter what mood I was in. Alcoholics drink because we are alcoholics. When we accept that then "the doctors opinion" makes perfect sense. A hopeless situation we are in and "unless this person can experience a complete psychic change there is very little hope for his recovery."
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