Startingover2

I made the call and turned my exah in for drunk driving. He hates me for it. I am the cause of all of his problems. I did it to save him, our children, and others on the road. I also stupidly hoped this would be the wake up call he needed to quit drinking. That didn't happen...he is still drinking, just blaming me. He found all kinds of people and other women who pity him and baby him.

He will get his license back the beginning of October. I am sure that will be about the time he will also take me back to court to get unsupervised time with baby. I will fight tooth and nail to prevent that.

Life has been so difficult this past year. Visitation, arguing, anxiety, guilt and self doubt at times. The upside is I no longer live with the alcoholic and he is off the road for now.

One year later I can still say I did the right thing that night! Yes, it has brought on new trials, but I would call him in again in a heartbeat.

baldjim

wether it was the right call to shop him for drink driving i dont know

why are you stopping him from seeing the child ??? is he a danger to the child ???

laurie6781

Jim she is not and has not stopped visitation. The Court ordered Supervised Visitation. He has not stopped drinking, he is a practicing alcoholic, and thus becomes a danger to the child.

Many of us on here, mothers and fathers, have obtained Supervised Visitation to protect our child or children.

Hopes that answers your question.

Love and hugs,

Freedom1990

With all due respect, what benefits are there to allowing a child to be around an active alcoholic?

baldjim

how about one day the guy stops drinking and the child does not know who the father is ,not all alkys are violent bullies


i know i was not and have had a great relationship with my kids ,which is much better since i stopped drinking ,now if had had no access the kids would not have a father now would they

Startingover2

Yep...that is it in a nutshell.

The court ordered supervised visits. My exah drove many times with my other children while intoxicated. How could he ever be trusted to take care of a baby? He can't.

He has supervised visits in my home 4 days a week although he only makes maybe half if we are lucky. He has 3 hours each time, yet stays 30 minutes to an hour.

I will do WHATEVER it takes to protect my children.

Startingover2

I don't think you can be a good father while under the influence. I am sorry...I know you are on the other side of the spectrum and doing well. Its dangerous physically as well as mentally not good for a child to be around an alcoholic.

GiveLove

I would've preferred to be raised by someone else, rather than to have had to be around my TWO drunk parents when I was a child. It would have saved me thousands of dollars in counseling and twenty years of misery, trying to figure out why I was so screwed up.

Don't project your own feelings onto this, baldjim. Startingover is a terrific mom and her X is lucky he is even allowed supervised visitation, in my humble opinion.

isurvived

You did the right thing by calling him in. You did the right thing by requesting supervised visitation. You know that in your heart. No dad is better than an active alcoholic dad, or even a dry one at that.

Someday, lets hope that the dad will thank you. That will only happen of course when he's sober and in recovery. Until then, keep the guard up around those children.

My hat is off to you for being a solid parent.

laurie6781

SO2 please never ever doubt that you did the right thing.

I would suggest, that for any parents wondering about the practicing alcoholic having on going contact with their child or children, that they go over do some reading at the Adult Child of A forums and see just how the children are affected into adulthood.

SO2 you have come so far in a year, your recovery is shining!!!!

Love and hugs,

baldjim

after several pms i realise i was out of order and had strayed into a part of the forum i had no right being in ,sorry to all i'll keep my moron thoughts to the drunken idiots part of the forum ... once again sorry to all ..jim:sorry

FreeBird09

SO2 you are doing the right thing, and by the lack of staying the whole time for the visits, and missing some he is showing how attentive he really is (NOT). I know it has been a hard year, but the rest of your life is worth it. For you.. and the kids. Stay strong, he would have blamed you if he got caught with a DUI/DWI, without you turning him in. You did the right thing, and may have saved another family, including yours, from being in a car crash. Good job!. Keep up the good work.

Startingover2

Thanks all! There are times when I have doubts that I have done the right thing. Those doubts usually creep in when exah gets mean and nasty with me. Then I realize he is most likely angry with himself but heaven forbid he looks in the mirror.

I cannot worry about exah and his feelings anymore. Its part of my never ending work in detaching. Two steps forward, one step back it seems but I am making slow progress. I have given baby an alcohol free first year! That is my main goal...to keep the alcoholism away from her.

Kassie2

Hi so2,

I think I found you here. Keep up the good work!

Startingover2

Hey Kass! Yes you found me. Good site huh?

Kassie2

Hey, wondered where you were - and here I thought you were out having fun!

I am still trying to find my way around, reading a lot of information to digest.

Tried out the arcade games - that was fun!

And ... I have said it before... don't second guess yourself with exh. You pick up on his stuff right away. Just remind yourself that exh puts himself in the position for unwanted consequences - if he could listen to you in the first place he wouldn't be in this situation. It took guts to assign him consequences and I understand why you did that.

Startingover2

You pick up on his stuff right away.
Maybe that is why he is always so frustrated and angry with me! Others may yell, scream, threaten, beg (all I have done as well) but I believe I am the only one who has ever said enough. No more drinking and driving, no more getting wasted every day, no more abuse.

I ruined all of his fun. My house is peaceful now though!