Margareta

Hello Everybody

I really need some advice now. Could you please help me. I feel very depressed and miss my STBXAH. We ended up very bad and he said that he wouldn´t leave the alcohol so we decided to split definitely. Now I am all on my own in a new city and even though I have met some people here and there after a chat I feel as empty as before I start to loose concentration in my job. I feel like calling my AH and telling him that I want to come back. I know would be a mistake... but I just feel that way... Aswell every time I talk to anyone new or old I end up talking about my separation and felling bad. I met this guy who was interested in me and talked about my ex all the time... well he is not interested anymore... when is the right time to be with someone else?

What would you do to stop these feelings?

Thanks very much in advance for your help

hotamale

m-

i am proud of you for taking the leap to take care of yourself! moving to a new city is very hard, and takes a whole heck of a lot of strength and faith.

making new friends in a city is also difficult, but when i did it, i found that, by doing the things you love to do, you will find ppl like you that you can share those things with.

friendships and relationships take time, so be patient with ppl in your new place. but, for today, since you are feeling down, maybe do something you love and get out of the house? it always helps me "get out of myself." or, perhaps, if you are religious, go to church or whatever or just take a walk?

again, everything is new to you, so wanting to go back to the familiar, no matter how bad it was, is commonplace. just keep on truckin' and don;t forget why you left. you are your #1 concern, which is scary and exilerating (sp)with all that freedom. maybe try something touristy?

about the relationship thing, once you are over your x, and really over your x, you'll be more ready than you are now.

Pelican

Margareta,

I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely. I know that empty feeling. Someone here at SR posted a reply to me when I felt that way after breaking up with my AH. They let me know that the empty space I was feeling was a space my HP (Higher Power) was going to fill with a new definition of me. A me that is stronger, healthier and appreciative of me exactly as I am.

Your empty space is a blank canvas. You get to create the loving portrait of your life as you want it to be.

As you work on loving yourself and spending time with yourself, have you found any Al Anon meetings in your area? At each meeting they will offer you a list of phone numbers that you can call. You can stay after meetings and share your pain with another member who understands exactly what you are going through. Reach out to the members of Al Anon, and reach out here. We care about you!

Ringlet

Margareta - I think you've made a very brave decision and give you a lot of kudos!!! This will be such an exciting time for you, and like hotamle said above, it just takes time. I'm recently out of a relationship with a former addict, but have comfort knowing that my life will be so much better (and already is!!) without someone with addition problems in it. I often have moments of sadness and doubt, but know that it's normal and they will pass in time - I just have to be patient. Staying active has been really helpful. I allow myself moments to think about the relationship or the sadness, but try to make a commitment to myself to balance that out with "me time". I recommend seeing a movie, joining a gym, exploring new neighborhoods, looking at the dogs in the dog park (fun!!) reading some of the posts on this forum (I just posted my first one earlier today and I already feel better), taking photography lessons, etc. I've made a real effort to talk to friends and work colleagues about what's happening in their lives...it can be hard at first, but I've found it eventually really helps since it creates new bonds, and also helps keep my mind off sadder thoughts. I also see a therapist, and I find that to be very helpful. It puts perspective on the situation and gets me passed those moments. Anyway, just some suggestions...hope some might help. Be patient with yourself and celebrate your little wins each day...eventually you'll have more and more to be excited about and your life will be on a roll.

luciddreamrgrl

Hi there!

I'm so sorry your feeling this way. This is exactly how I'm feeling. I'm not ready to move on to another relationship yet. It's been a month for me and I still don't want to date. I still feel very much in love with my XABF and the thought of being with anyone else feels so sad to me.

When is the right time to move on?

When you don't feel the need to think about, or talk about, your X anymore. You have to give yourself time to move on from him. Do what I did. Find a time consuming project to plunge into. For me, it was redoing the cabinets in my new place. I hated them. So instead of just "living" with it, as I did my XABF, I did something about it!

You are so strong. You may not feel like it now, but you are! You left to make a better life for yourself. Keep your eye on that. Try to remember that leaving is one of the hardest things you could have done. If you can make it through that, you can make it through anything! Good luck to you.