Blondie

Sometimes in the past I wondered why I always seemed to attract the totally emotionally unavailable and sick people. I always asked why are they attracted to me? And why am I attracted to them? I mean if there are nineteen healthy people in a room I always seemed to be drawn to the one who had "problems". My past is very telling.

After a time I realized that I have been codependent from a very early age (very dysfunctional home) and thus my thinking when interacting with other people was not normal or healthy. I was always more then willing to give, give and give to whoever, whatever they wanted. I was a "good" person if I helped someone else and a "saint" if I suffered and ignored my own needs. I thought the more I gave to someone the more they will approve of me and they would be happy and love me. I always thought that I was unworthy of anything good that happened to me. If something good happened I was "lucky" but if something bad happened I was being "punished" by God.

Now I know better. I deserve the "good stuff" in life! Heck, doesn't everybody! I deserve to have healthy people in my life that treat me with respect as I am getting healthier and now find my attraction to sick people (alcoholics, etc) is no longer there at all. A book I am reading by Beattie wraps it up nicely: It was like shopping in a nice department store where you can see all of the "good stuff" upstairs but you were shopping in the bargain basement because you didn't think you deserved the "good stuff" upstairs. I am tired of shopping in the basement of life, I am more then ready to walk up the stairs into daylight and get some of that "good stuff" that life has to offer.

TakingCharge999