daffy

I am one of those people, that if I went to a meeting, I'd be sliding along the walls or over in the corner taking everything in. I have alot of trouble letting people getting close to me. My dad and mom and a sister are alcoholics. My dad passed away some time ago. Of the two parents, I was closer to him. I have his dark temperament. He remarried and had a son from that marriage who I got to know and got to be pretty close with. He is doing time in prison, has been there for about a month now. I sent him about 5 letters and just heard from him for the first time this morning. I just happened to be home because my doctor wrote me out a work release so that I could regroup. I haven't been able to concentrate on either stuff going on at home or at work, so I was better off doing some home therapy. Thank you all for being here. I really haven't said too much about myself, just reading everybody's threads and getting a feel for everybody, but you don't know what it feels like after 48 years to know that what your all about has a name for it and that there are others. I just thought I didn't like people and that they automatically wouldn't like me either. I'm very quiet and my hobbies all tend to be things that you do alone. I want to reach out but I'm not very good at expressing things unless I'm doing it on paper or a forum like this. All of the 13 characteristics are in me and I need you guys to help me work on them. Where do I even begin to start? stompmom

journeygal

((((((Stompmom)))))

You have already begun by making the decision to reach out to us here. You aren't alone in the way you feel and I'm so glad you've joined us here. A lot of us struggle with the same issues you do and for me it has been truly a blessing and a relief to be able to share my story with others who understand first-hand how I'm feeling and what I've been through.

We will help each other along this journey.

Hugs,
JG

daffy

Thank you journeygal. I told my husband that I heard from my brother. I was hoping for a little support but instead he left the house to go visit with his father. I think my expectations were a little high. I'm just feeling really cruddy right now and really not even looking forward to a 3 day weekend. I think I'm just gonna call it a night and go to bed. stompmom

journeygal

Hi Stompmom,

I am a very needy person. One of the things I often do is set my husband up, i.e. seek support from him or expect him to be there for me in some way when I'm feeling scared or lonely or whatever. More times than not, I'm disappointed by his actions. I've looked to him too much to provide my emotional needs, when I need to do it for myself. If I'm feeling down or whatever, then I need to pick myself up, not look for hubby or anyone else to do it, so I don't end up disappointed when they don't. It's really hard coming to terms with this neediness and trying to change, but it's something I have to do for me, my well-being, and my happiness.

Are there things in life you enjoy doing, like going to the movies, dancing, shopping, working out, gardening, etc? Well, next time you need a pick me up, instead of looking to hubby, try doing something you really enjoy. You'll feel good about it and you won't feel rejected by your husband.

Take care and hugs,
JG

JT

Welcome,

I just wanted to say this is a good start. Stay in touch...each small success builds what in the end can be a lifetime of recovery.

Hugs,
JT

daffy

Thank you journeygal and Just Tired, Yes, I do have hobbies. I'm in the middle of making a quilt. My husband and I did end up talking last night. I don't think so much that it was an emotional need, just asking a few questions would have been fine. I am really curious about getting the big book from A.A. Do you have to go to a meeting to get this or is it something you can get at a bookstore? I will stay in touch, I'm really feeling so not alone when I read what everyone else has to say. I' m new at this whole process and I knew it wasn't going to be easy. But I want to change this whole numb persona that I've had my whole life. My husband is a great person. He comes from the most "normal" family that I know. He really doesn't have a clue what it's like to come from a dysfunctional family or what it's going to take to get yourself emotionally healthy. I will do my best to take it easy on him. stompmom

JT

You can buy the BB here from this site, bookstores carry it, too. If you have access to a library there are alot of books on recovery issues that you can try out and decide if you want to own. All of the AA/Anon books used in the program are inexpensive...they are purposely kept affordable.

Quilts huh?? That is something I do, too.

Hugs,
JT

daffy

Hi Just Tired, Thanks for the info on the reading material, I'll check it out. Quilts are a great pastime, talk about losing all sense of time. Things are going much better here too. Hugs. stompmom