Wow, my Son
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Wow, my Son
I know I have posted manytimes bought he troubles I have had with my son's the eldest he really tore me down. At the first with his dad's addiction, he protected me, then he met this gal. I was nothing but dirt to hi so I thought. He has sinced moved out and it nolonger with her, but still on his own. We have now became so close, it took sometime, but he comes to my house and we have such a bond now. When I come home and his truck is there...I feel happy. He calls me and we chit chat.
I have a great friend who is only days away from death due to brain cancer, my house work is not the first on my list. I came home tonight and he had been here and my house was a show home. He spent his day off, got my house back into shape, I came home to go for it and get it all done, he spent his day and did it all for me.
I came in and saw it, sad down and cried, got myself togther and called him, thanked him, he said mom, I wanted to to someting for you, I knew you where having a bad day and I know you had bad days before....only I didn't see it. Mom I wil be back tomorrow, I had no idea just what you where going through with dad. I have no idea what made him understand, But I am so proud to have him for my son.
Fathers Dayc came and I made a slight suggestion to give his dad a call, it was slight, but made the attemt...they didn't. He said you made my life, you have been the one who what you where going through, made sure we had it.
Today he understands, but I still have to instill , your dad got sick, he is still a worthy person. I guess it is going to be step by step, I want them to have a contact with their dad. I would not want to be him, Plus not want to feel the pain of having 2 sons that you know longer know....what a drug can do to a person to give up such a god's gift....a power that I just don't think we will realy relateto until we have been there.
I did call their dad myself a day or two after Fathers Day and left him a message, sorry the boys didn't call, but I want to thank you, thank you for the time you spent in their live, you installed value and work ethics, be proud of yourself....you are a good man, who had gread values
To this day I still love you..
Carol
I have a great friend who is only days away from death due to brain cancer, my house work is not the first on my list. I came home tonight and he had been here and my house was a show home. He spent his day off, got my house back into shape, I came home to go for it and get it all done, he spent his day and did it all for me.
I came in and saw it, sad down and cried, got myself togther and called him, thanked him, he said mom, I wanted to to someting for you, I knew you where having a bad day and I know you had bad days before....only I didn't see it. Mom I wil be back tomorrow, I had no idea just what you where going through with dad. I have no idea what made him understand, But I am so proud to have him for my son.
Fathers Dayc came and I made a slight suggestion to give his dad a call, it was slight, but made the attemt...they didn't. He said you made my life, you have been the one who what you where going through, made sure we had it.
Today he understands, but I still have to instill , your dad got sick, he is still a worthy person. I guess it is going to be step by step, I want them to have a contact with their dad. I would not want to be him, Plus not want to feel the pain of having 2 sons that you know longer know....what a drug can do to a person to give up such a god's gift....a power that I just don't think we will realy relateto until we have been there.
I did call their dad myself a day or two after Fathers Day and left him a message, sorry the boys didn't call, but I want to thank you, thank you for the time you spent in their live, you installed value and work ethics, be proud of yourself....you are a good man, who had gread values
To this day I still love you..
Carol
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Rose, I remember the struggles you had with your son, and it is nothing less than a miracle that he came through this and found a better way to live.
Sadly, kids are affected by a parent's addiction and combine that with the conflict between both parents which is inevitable, and how afraid, angry and helpless they must feel...or they feel that it is in some way, their fault, and it isn't surprising that they get messed up.
Give him a big hug from me, the lady who came close to bringing her steel toed bunny slippers down there to meet him.
Hugs
Sadly, kids are affected by a parent's addiction and combine that with the conflict between both parents which is inevitable, and how afraid, angry and helpless they must feel...or they feel that it is in some way, their fault, and it isn't surprising that they get messed up.
Give him a big hug from me, the lady who came close to bringing her steel toed bunny slippers down there to meet him.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
My Brother...
Hi, 
My Brother called me today and he is getting his life straightened around. He has been clean & sober since 10/31/09.
He sounded so good and has been doing a lot of work around the place he & his best friend are living in. My B has a trailer...he updated from a very small camping trailer to a 36' one.
He had been sober before me and stayed sober 14 years then started drinking again. He got into the drugs and his friend just picked him up & threw him over his shoulder and carried him out to his truck to take him home with him in another part of the state to help him detox...it took a long time & he ended up with a heart attack & had a medical detox in the hospital from the alcohol he was using to get off methametaphine.
I have been sober 20 years & getting help for my depression too. I worked very hard with AA & counseling to stay sober and did it this long...I made some long term goals & made them too. I am retired now along with my husband. It must be a blessing to you to have your son help you like that. Our youngest daughter that is 31, married, & has a 8 year old son helps us a lot. She is so busy but always checks on us to see if we need any help.
I wish you well.
orchards
My Brother called me today and he is getting his life straightened around. He has been clean & sober since 10/31/09.
He sounded so good and has been doing a lot of work around the place he & his best friend are living in. My B has a trailer...he updated from a very small camping trailer to a 36' one.
He had been sober before me and stayed sober 14 years then started drinking again. He got into the drugs and his friend just picked him up & threw him over his shoulder and carried him out to his truck to take him home with him in another part of the state to help him detox...it took a long time & he ended up with a heart attack & had a medical detox in the hospital from the alcohol he was using to get off methametaphine.
I have been sober 20 years & getting help for my depression too. I worked very hard with AA & counseling to stay sober and did it this long...I made some long term goals & made them too. I am retired now along with my husband. It must be a blessing to you to have your son help you like that. Our youngest daughter that is 31, married, & has a 8 year old son helps us a lot. She is so busy but always checks on us to see if we need any help.
I wish you well.
orchards
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Oh Rose, your post was so wonderful to read this morning.
I remember all too well the troubles you had with your boys. I'm so glad your oldest "boy" surprised you like that. How sweet and loving of him!! He takes after his mom for sure !!
I'm celebrating with you today Rose !!
Big, happy, joyful hugs...
I remember all too well the troubles you had with your boys. I'm so glad your oldest "boy" surprised you like that. How sweet and loving of him!! He takes after his mom for sure !!
I'm celebrating with you today Rose !!
Big, happy, joyful hugs...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Sorry everyone for my last little blurb there, the telly rang and I thought I deleted it but I guess it posted.
Day after day if he does not come here he calls me, the sad part is he took on one of my bad traits....worry, I have dont this though my life and now he does it...but from him doing it.....and telling me, I can turn around and say Son, let it go, it is no big deal.....then he talkes to me for abit more of what is bothering him, I am quick as a wit to make him feel at ease and off he goes. But that is someting that lingers in me worry worry, there is not one thing I can say or do for myself to get me out of worry.
If I post here I worry, I worry that I have said something wrong, but I know subjects set me of and I reply without thought..
My youngest son told me tonight he wants to move out of here....I don't provide enougt food. Nobody is here so why should I come home make a dinner for whe he gets home to heat up. I am upset and back down to the point this week of wothless.. My mom passed a year ago and left me money, plus her house sold, summers I get a layoff, this is going to be the 1st layoff I have then, the previous years, I have worked....plus I had a month of holidays, so now I am down to 3 months off....He called me down tonigh, saying that he works more than and I lazy....
That hurt so bad.....
I need help my friends,'
It has not been a great week..,.
Rose
Day after day if he does not come here he calls me, the sad part is he took on one of my bad traits....worry, I have dont this though my life and now he does it...but from him doing it.....and telling me, I can turn around and say Son, let it go, it is no big deal.....then he talkes to me for abit more of what is bothering him, I am quick as a wit to make him feel at ease and off he goes. But that is someting that lingers in me worry worry, there is not one thing I can say or do for myself to get me out of worry.
If I post here I worry, I worry that I have said something wrong, but I know subjects set me of and I reply without thought..
My youngest son told me tonight he wants to move out of here....I don't provide enougt food. Nobody is here so why should I come home make a dinner for whe he gets home to heat up. I am upset and back down to the point this week of wothless.. My mom passed a year ago and left me money, plus her house sold, summers I get a layoff, this is going to be the 1st layoff I have then, the previous years, I have worked....plus I had a month of holidays, so now I am down to 3 months off....He called me down tonigh, saying that he works more than and I lazy....
That hurt so bad.....
I need help my friends,'
It has not been a great week..,.
Rose
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Oh, Rose, I'm sorry to hear about the little barbs being handed out by your youngest. You know that you are not lazy.....and your job in life is not to cook and clean for him. How old is your youngest? If he's over 16 and it's just the two of you in the house, he can certainly be expected to cook and cleanup after himself if you are not there.
My former BIL (exH's brother) would expect his mother to do everything for him when he got home at the end of the day (on those occasions when he managed to stay out of jail). He called her lazy, too, and she just WOULD NOT pick up this label from him. She knew how hard she worked every day. You do too!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs and prayers for more peaceful days ahead! HG
My former BIL (exH's brother) would expect his mother to do everything for him when he got home at the end of the day (on those occasions when he managed to stay out of jail). He called her lazy, too, and she just WOULD NOT pick up this label from him. She knew how hard she worked every day. You do too!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs and prayers for more peaceful days ahead! HG
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
My youngest will be 18 next week...seemed like things were really looking up, my oldest one came over today and put him in his spot. He did have a buddy with him lastnight while this went on, guess he was trying to be a cool guy! He and his friend fried up eggs and sausages and left the mess. My oldest one went outside and dragged them both in to clean up there mess.
But I do have to keep in mind I went through much of the same with my oldest at that age and it wasnt until he moved out on his own he became human again.
Rose
But I do have to keep in mind I went through much of the same with my oldest at that age and it wasnt until he moved out on his own he became human again.
Rose
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by Rose
But I do have to keep in mind I went through much of the same with my oldest at that age and it wasnt until he moved out on his own he became human again.
It may be time for your youngest to decide. It is a privilege to live with you, not his "right" to make your life miserable. Name calling and disrespect is never acceptable. Learning that may be a valuable lesson for him.
Hugs to you, from one mama to another
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Ann beat me to it: A major reason I left their dad was that my sons were learning how to treat their future wives by watching how their father treated me. Your son probably did the same. It will take some time for him to re-learn how to treat you and others... important life lessons for all.
My younger son and I had a few years that were pretty rocky. I had to really work on setting and enforcing boundaries with him.... and there was a period of time when I just couldn't be around him because it was a toxic situation. I did as Ann said, I loved him anywhere else. It took some time, but we both learned and grew. Today he knows my boundaries and most of the time he's able to work within them.
More mom hugs from a mom of boys.
It may be time for your youngest to decide. It is a privilege to live with you, not his "right" to make your life miserable. Name calling and disrespect is never acceptable. Learning that may be a valuable lesson for him.
My younger son and I had a few years that were pretty rocky. I had to really work on setting and enforcing boundaries with him.... and there was a period of time when I just couldn't be around him because it was a toxic situation. I did as Ann said, I loved him anywhere else. It took some time, but we both learned and grew. Today he knows my boundaries and most of the time he's able to work within them.
More mom hugs from a mom of boys.
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