trying so hard = 9 days almost slipped (agian!)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: mill valley ca
Posts: 3
trying so hard = 9 days almost slipped (agian!)
I've got 9 days sober, been trying on and off earnestly for the past 4 years to control my drinking (been drinking for 20+ almost daily). Denial has kept me from staying sober becuase I have a great career, beautiful family, awesome wife, yet I should have a million dui's, be dead (a couple times over form various idiotic drunk incidents), in jail (lack of judgement with drugs & alchol...), yet yet yet I'm a high bottom drunk?!?!?.
I almost skipped out of work today and took the ferry home so I could drink (they don't serve beer on the bus (lol)). I got half way to the ferry and and turned around (ate luch and felt better) becuase I listened to my cognitive brain that it would only be a mess later when my wife got home and she could tell I had drank (she get undertsandbly upset becuase I watch my 3 and 1/1/2 year old in the late afternoons after work.) The other day a fellow told me that his sponsor said that little voice telling you to do the right thing is your higher power, I'm starting to listen to it. I've gone to a meeting everyday the past 9 days and it's the only way I can keep it fresh enough in my memory that I can't drink otherwise I feel like a loser. Vicous cycle get drunk feel bad, sober for two days, get drunk, feel bad get sober for two days, .....story of my life.
I almost skipped out of work today and took the ferry home so I could drink (they don't serve beer on the bus (lol)). I got half way to the ferry and and turned around (ate luch and felt better) becuase I listened to my cognitive brain that it would only be a mess later when my wife got home and she could tell I had drank (she get undertsandbly upset becuase I watch my 3 and 1/1/2 year old in the late afternoons after work.) The other day a fellow told me that his sponsor said that little voice telling you to do the right thing is your higher power, I'm starting to listen to it. I've gone to a meeting everyday the past 9 days and it's the only way I can keep it fresh enough in my memory that I can't drink otherwise I feel like a loser. Vicous cycle get drunk feel bad, sober for two days, get drunk, feel bad get sober for two days, .....story of my life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Welcome & thanks for sharing keitheo :-)
I have just started to talk & listen to my HP again (today). I was somewhat inspired by the TV series "The Cleaner" that I have been watching recently. He is basically an X user that asked for his HP's help when he was on the ropes & made a deal to help other people/addicts/drunks if he survived.. great show!
I actually went to the beach today after exercising & found a quiet spot by the water & talked with my HP... it was great. The waves talked back a bit & I was mindful of not talking too loud or moving my lips lol whispers mostly. My HP was the the glowing sunset & I was asking for help & guidance in all of the tough situaltions that I am currently going through. Felt great!
If I ever head someone talking aloud with nobody around I would have thought they were crazy.... now I am the crazy straight guy on the beach lol.
Here is a great site to watch the series (and movies etc. but dont tell anyone K?) You need to click on the beta link to see the videos & skip some ads that come up (click skip on the top right hand corner)
Make sure you click on "Click here to launch the NinjaVideo Helper Beta 0.3.9" in red.
Dam... that was a long post, thanks for helping me to write about my first time talking to my HP since I was a little kid :ghug
I have just started to talk & listen to my HP again (today). I was somewhat inspired by the TV series "The Cleaner" that I have been watching recently. He is basically an X user that asked for his HP's help when he was on the ropes & made a deal to help other people/addicts/drunks if he survived.. great show!
I actually went to the beach today after exercising & found a quiet spot by the water & talked with my HP... it was great. The waves talked back a bit & I was mindful of not talking too loud or moving my lips lol whispers mostly. My HP was the the glowing sunset & I was asking for help & guidance in all of the tough situaltions that I am currently going through. Felt great!
If I ever head someone talking aloud with nobody around I would have thought they were crazy.... now I am the crazy straight guy on the beach lol.
Here is a great site to watch the series (and movies etc. but dont tell anyone K?) You need to click on the beta link to see the videos & skip some ads that come up (click skip on the top right hand corner)
Make sure you click on "Click here to launch the NinjaVideo Helper Beta 0.3.9" in red.
Dam... that was a long post, thanks for helping me to write about my first time talking to my HP since I was a little kid :ghug
Last edited by Anna; 07-03-2009 at 04:31 AM.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Welcome to SR KeithEO - I think you're on the right roiad - keep hitting the meetings, call those numbers if you need them, and keep shutting out those thoughts 
Its not easy but it gets better...
Keep reading and posting too!
D
Its not easy but it gets better...
Keep reading and posting too!
D
Welcome Keith that was my life to!
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