merrygoround

Well I have been allowing my ex over for visitation with our son. On the most recent visit he told me that the girl he is with now is childish, cries all the time for no apparent reason and that he still loves me and our son only and that she just won’t leave him alone. (He had been cheating on me with her while I was pregnant.) I wanted to barf. He also said that he is beginning to think she is seriously nuts and that is why she is on disability and that she has a problem with depression. I remained cool and collected throughout the conversation and then just said well...I guess she is with a fine one for depression now because you will surely put her in the looney bin and laughed as though I were joking. His life doesn’t affect mine anymore now that he is not mine anymore and it felt good to be able to walk away from his temptation of reconciliation. I still get that lil sharp edge though in my heart knowing I am giving him over to her. The moment he left he immediately went to her and drank and drugged all night until 8 this morning even after he told me all that. He is so screwed up. Any thoughts?

The visitation seems to be working out good while we remain ONLY friends but I still hate the way he hurt me in the past and how he could even dare look at me and say he loves me still, like he ever loved me at all.

jerect

Good for You!!!! Good for you for staying strong and sticking to your boundaries with your ex.. it sounds like you are in a healthy place...

You are so right.. the GF is your ex's problem now.. looks like two sick people got together and we all know what a mess that makes..

It sounds like you are still hurting but you are also moving forward.. that hurt will go away one day... it was his loss not yours..

outtolunch

[QUOTE=merrygoround;2283890]


His life doesn’t affect mine anymore now that he is not mine anymore and it felt good to be able to walk away from his temptation of reconciliation. I still get that lil sharp edge though in my heart knowing I am giving him over to her. The moment he left he immediately went to her and drank and drugged all night until 8 this morning even after he told me all that. He is so screwed up. Any thoughts? /QUOTE]

His life does not affect you anymore? Yet here you are writing about him and somehow know that he partied all night long.

You acknowledge he is not yours anymore yet it seems you feel you gave him to her. He is a human and makes his own choices, for whatever reasons/whims he has.

It sounds to me like this is a work in progress and keep the focus on yourself and beautiful child instead of his business. Do you have a court-orded child support thingy, in place?

A life without chaos is a good life.

merrygoround

No not court ordered. I didn't take him there. He failed his probation ordered drug test and will never get anything if I take him there besides me bringing my child to a strange place for supervised visitation and I felt I could be the strong one and supervise it myself under the requirement that he does not drink or drug around me.

He was supposed to visit today and his daughter came instead and told me where he was and what he was doing...I guess it does still affect me a little when I hear those things. My heart is not truly free yet and that is why I post. I just want everything to remain as civilized as possible and if I go to Court I know it won't be.

merrygoround

I thought about that as I am a legal assistant and it would be free for me to do so but it would surely cause turmoil between myself and him and his family...I think I will just see how it goes until I am back to work off maternity leave soon. He usually just doesn't show when he is ill shall I say...He is paying child support so if he just shows up twice even a month I think there isn't much harm being done but I do have my reservations and wonder if I am doing the right thing.

merrygoround

What are random UA's?

smacked

UA- Urine Analysis... pee tests.

merrygoround

Let's just say you were right, the lifestyle follows him everywhere, wasn't long before all the drama and crap came back into my life. Although his payment of child support was helping, it came at a great cost...my self respect and dignity,etc etc

Ive gone back to no contact...rather be poor than stepped on!

Ann

Sweetie, addiction will do that to people, and you can be grateful that this is no longer your problem.

Active addicts desperately "use" anyone who will buy those manipulative words but the price is our own sanity, too high to pay.

It isn't easy, you are still grieving lost dreams of what might have been, but once you begin to heal the bright future of new beginnings is just waiting for you to show up.

Hugs